


Humility

by AFCastleDefender



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Romance, Canon Related, F/M, Forgiveness, Kylo Ren Redemption, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-07-06 03:56:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15878040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFCastleDefender/pseuds/AFCastleDefender
Summary: Months before the events of The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, the Force comes to Ben Solo, the dark and deadly specter of the First Order widely known as Kylo Ren, showing him one perfect dream of his future. After wading through oceans of betrayal, loneliness, and deprivation, he is ready to claim his destiny. Ben will do whatever he needs to do to free himself from the control of his Master, claim what the Force owes him, and finish what his grandfather started.Before any of that can happen, however, our hero will need to learn a little...Humility.**I do not own these characters or any part of Star Wars, Disney or Lucas Arts.





	1. Anything

_We join our hero on the bridge of the thermal oscillator on Starkiller base..._

 

Ben looked at his father, his presence looming large even in the cavernous space. His father had always had an outsized personality that cast a long shadow in the Force. For a moment he felt as if he were a little boy again and his father was getting ready to ask for his confession about whether he had been playing with the hyperdrive controls of the _Falcon._

__

_The time had come._

__

He had not lied to his father a moment ago. Ben had been waiting for exactly this scenario to present itself for some time.

__

Snoke was in his head. He could hear that serpent hissing with venomous delight, urging him on…urging him to find the peace that only _killing his father_ could give. That voice reminded him of plans they had made years ago when he was fresh from Luke’s betrayal and his parents’ abandonment. When everything that struck at the black heart of his family had been vindication for Ben’s injured psyche.

__

Snoke’s voice was a seductive sound. It was a sound that he had often heard as a boy when the light and dark inside him had ebbed and flowed with an uncomfortable boiling of his internal organs. There had never been any peace.

__

_But…_ since the dream...he had gotten stronger. He had learned to shore up the walls of his mind. He had learned to hide his true intentions. He had allowed Snoke to believe himself in full control. Ben’s insecurities… _his pain_ had hardened into kyber, allowing him to mask his feelings and endure the tortures of a twisted master. He locked the volatile emotions in a box at the back of his mind, never to be opened again.

__

And then Ben had started making his own plans. He would be free of the pain he carried like a weighted satchel. And it would be on his own terms.  

__

_Damn, Han Solo_. Why did he have to choose to come for him _today?_

__

This. _Here_. This was not the ideal place for this confrontation, but so be it. 

__

“Come home. _We miss you._ ” The words came rushing out on a breath. He could feel his father’s pulse racing, half expecting Ben to strike at him. Ben could feel the ever-present discomfort Han Solo felt with a surfeit of emotions.

__

Tears pricked behind Ben’s eyes. He could not surrender to his own emotions. Not now. Not today. The problem was, that no matter that Snoke would make him suffer untold horrors if he did not, the thought of killing his father was utterly repellent.

__

For one thing, it simply did not fit into his plans. For another, there were some things he found that even _he_ was not willing to do. While the tears were genuine – his father _had_ finally come for him - the rest of the upheaval was for show. Otherwise, Snoke would know. Ben had to make it look good.

__

It would be more than a risk to openly defy Snoke, it would be a death sentence, so Ben had planned carefully for what happened next. He had used the excuse of the girl and the incursion of the Resistance on Starkiller base as a way of masking what he had been truly doing in the depths of the thermal oscillator.

__

He could sense Chewie and his father moving around placing charges on key support structures.

__

Ben thought it almost humorous, though typical of his father and ultimately a timely boon of the Force. Sometimes his parents could be so utterly predictable. So simplistic in their belief that every effort was the right one and would handle matters. This was not the Empire and they were not the Rebellion.

__

The First Order had learned the lessons of the Death Star. The superstructure of the planet and the multiple oscillators assured that the system had redundancies in place should one of the oscillators fail. The charges would produce significant damage, but not the kind that brought down a planet killer.

__

No, Starkiller base would be brought down from within. He had seen to it.  While he almost felt he owed Hux for removing the problem of the sanctimonious and corrupt New Republic from his plate, Ben would not watch another planetary system disintegrate before his eyes.

__

He had been born for the task of leading the galaxy. Ben would be damned if he allowed that psychotic ginger bastard to dismantle valuable resources before he could fulfill his destiny.

__

Ben felt his chin tremble as he told his father the truth. “I am being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain.”

__

His father took a step closer to him.

__

Ben shook his head. “And I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.” Ben caught his breath, forcing down a sob, hearing the incessant hiss of Snoke’s laughter in his brain as he taunted Ben for that perceived weakness. _Perfect._

__

He could do this. He _did_ have the strength.

__

Han Solo remained silent, watchful.

__

_There was no going back now._ He had worked too hard for this.

__

“Will you help me?”

__

His father stepped closer still, vulnerability and hope clearly written across his face as he responded, “Yes. _Anything._ ”

__

_Anything._ He had known that his father had a flair for the dramatic, but that word was the acknowledgment that he had needed.

__

Ben dropped his mask and unclipped his lightsaber from his belt. He could sense all the Force signatures stationed around the oscillator focused on his every move. Snoke watched from the ether as if he were a spectator in the arena of some pointless galactic sport.

__

_Let him watch._ Very soon there would be a time when he would kneel before no one. Ben would never be humbled again. He would be entitled to his own feelings and opinions. No one would _rule_ him again.

__

He could also feel…ah, there she was. _The girl._ She watched from above in a single shaft of sunlight that was quickly fading. Ben had not planned on meeting her today, either, but there was nothing for it. It was too late to go back and there was no other way for his own plans to go forward.

__

Ben hoped when the time came… _no._ He could not think about that now.

__

Ben took the hilt of his beloved weapon between his two hands, holding it out as an offering to his father. He had made some modifications recently when he had finally understood his destiny. It had been a gamble that relied on not needing to use it for any reason until just this moment. His entire future depended on those modifications.

__

Han Solo placed a hand around the hilt, still watching Ben’s face.

__

Ben paused a moment longer, knowing that despite all his careful planning, things could still go wrong.

__

There had been no way to test for _this._

__

In his mind, he retreated to that sacred room where he kept the things that were truly and _only_ his. The things that Snoke could not touch. The place where he kept his connection to his heritage. The dark corners of his dusty heart where memories lurked of a childhood that had sometimes been happy but had morphed into an adolescence gone so wrong. The hopes and dreams that he had excised from that dehydrated organ. Things that only _the girl_ had seen.

__

Ben Solo knew that with a flick of a switch, he could do something that would rend his very soul or put it all back together again.

__

He stepped forward and ignited his weapon. 

__

_The girl screamed._

__


	2. Machinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Supreme Leader is thinking. His plans are moving along and he is impatient for the reward the Force has promised him. Soon. It is all coming soon.

Ben stared aimlessly out the transparisteel viewport of his suite, contemplating the events of the past few weeks. He shut off the section of his mind that throbbed with constant loneliness. He had learned to block it out whenever it tried to push itself to the fore. Instead, he allowed himself to run through his plans like the dress rehearsal of a stage play on Coruscant. It soothed him to think that it would not be long now before he saw them to fruition.

Months ago, he had forced his father into the Dark Side’s own bargain. Despite not having been home for years, he knew his old man’s weakness. It had always been Leia Organa Solo. Ben had offered him something he knew his father would jump at securing for her. That it would make his mother furious when she finally knew it was a fortunate and delightful by-product of his plans.

He could remember with perfect clarity the stories that Lando Calrissian would tell him as a child about how hard his father had fallen for the famous Alderaanian princess, the only woman he had ever seen outsmart his father. At the time, his young mind had found those stories to be wonderful affirmations of the love his parents bore one another, even – _especially_ \- with their frequent arguments.

At least arguments had meant that his parents were home.

Ben’s parents had fought bitterly about whether to take Ben to his uncle for Jedi training.  That was until Han Solo decided to give the woman he loved the benefit of the doubt.

_And sent his son to hell._

Han had known that Ben would have been perfectly happy trailing him and Chewie around the galaxy making illegal deals that lined their pockets. He had wanted a carefree smuggler’s life with his father. His father had told him that he wanted more for him than to be constantly running from one gang or another. That he had not been raised for that.

Ben had wanted to leave the Force and the weight of his heritage to their own devices. He did not want to be prince, statesman, or Jedi. Before everything had gone to the seven hells, he had just wanted to be Ben. He had wanted that to be enough.

 _And it would be._ The Force had shown him months ago in a dream what was coming. He was ready for it. He craved it. Ben now knew unequivocally what it meant to finish what his grandfather had started. It was not what he had expected it to be, but the path was clear.

That certainty had propelled him to find a way out and seek the assistance of his father in the dank, crowded corner of a cantina on some godforsaken planet in the Outer Rim.

Han Solo had fairly tripped all over himself to help him, smiling and slapping his back, oblivious to the fact that Ben had carefully stepped back from every kind of contact. Han had called him “son” throughout the conversation, entirely ignoring Ben each time he had tried to correct him. Ben had stopped being the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa Solo the day they had abandoned him to the fanatical zeal of his murderous uncle. He had simply come to collect on a debt.

Ben acknowledged privately that no matter his father’s failures toward him, he still had a soft spot for Han Solo – that much had been clear to him when Snoke had taunted and dared him to commit patricide. It had been clear when his father had stepped forward on Starkiller Base and told him that he had been missed, but he could not allow those thoughts to hold sway over his decisions. It did not signify, either, he decided, that he had been unable to blow his mother off the bridge of her ship.

After his father had fallen from the bridge and his Uncle Chewie had nearly sent him over as well with the blast from that bowcaster, Ben had looked up to find the traitor next to Rey. Fury had run caustic through his veins, green and vengeful. He had pushed back the pain of his wound and gone after them, unwilling to have her light, her purity tainted by that unstable drone.

FN-2187 could never be what she needed. Ben had seen the memory of the trooper with her on the _Falcon_ when he had traversed the sandy landscape of her mind. He had seen it before he had delved deeper to find her dreams of an ocean. The dolt had asked her if she had a cute boyfriend. A boyfriend? _Was the man twelve standard years old for Maker’s sake?!_

 _In point of fact,_ _she does, you jackass,_ Ben thought as he recalled that day. Rey had just not known it yet. Wherever she was right now, she hoped that FN-2187 was far away from his girl.

He chuckled to himself thinking of that flicker of memory. Rey was a spitfire. She was beautiful and strong. His girl had told the coward to mind his own business. Even if she had not known who she was just yet and who Ben would be to her, she had apparently understood on some level that she was not destined to be the life partner of just anyone. FN-2187 did not even own the clothing on his back.

Rey had not come with Ben that day on Starkiller. He had known she would not, but he had been unable to stop himself from trying to coax her with the offer of training. He had allowed her to best him, unwilling to risk any serious injury to her from his blade. There was more that the Force had willed before they could be together. He knew that intellectually, but he had not been able to suppress the hope after he had finally plunged a saber into the ancient body of Snoke that she would remain with him.   

Right now, Ben should be celebrating everything that had finally come to him, but he was still not where he was meant to be. No. The events in the throne room had seen to that. No matter. The things he had been shown would come to pass. The Force had decreed it, his grandfather had blessed it, and the Force was never wrong.

After years of conditional love, betrayal, and torture, _Ben Solo would be happy._ He would not be alone. It was all that mattered to him now.

He was Supreme Leader. He had always thought that his ascension to power would bring him happiness. Instead, it was as rife with treachery as it had ever been under Snoke’s dark guidance. Soon – _tonight, in fact_ \- his authority would be solidified by the exit of one Armitage Hux.

Then Ben could chase his true purpose.

A simple thing, really, to kill Hux. Ben was almost ashamed he had not thought of it years ago. Hux was scheduled to have an accidental and tragic fall in the refresher made possible by a couple of disgruntled Stormtroopers who had born the constant brunt of his abuse for years. Hux had always smugly informed him that the Stormtroopers were unfailingly loyal to him. In the end, it had taken relatively little to suggest the mishap to their eager ears and make them forget they had ever seen Kylo Ren.

_Gods, the Force was genuinely useful sometimes._

The important thing was, Hux would meet an ignominious end. It was too bad he would not be around to bear the shame of it. Ben would have enjoyed reminding him whenever the mood struck.

 _That climbing, supercilious bastard_.   

After the events on Crait, Hux had wasted no opportunity to challenge his authority at every turn. He exclaimed and exaggerated over Ben’s “failures” on Crait. He had taunted Ben about being “bested by a scrawny maggot of a girl.” For that comment alone, Ben was happy to kill him.

The self-proclaimed military genius was too stupid to consider why it was that the _Millenium Falcon_ had remained unharmed in a torrent of fire from the First Order as it was chased by a contingent of TIE fighters. The godsdamned weapons were laser-guided! A baby Ewok could run them with a high expectation of hitting their targets 95% of the time at that range.

Hux had also not stopped to consider why Ben had put on such a spectacular and unprecedented tantrum that day.

Ben had to admit, it had been an unexpected boon to have that old hermit Skywalker show and take the blame for the delays that had allowed his mother and Rey to escape. He had no regrets about the outcome of that encounter. The Force knew that it had a debt and was repaying him tenfold. He knew his mother and Rey would be upset at the loss of the few followers left to the Resistance. No matter. It could not have been helped. He could only do so much to interfere with what had been put in motion. Leaving all of them untouched or Luke Skywalker unchallenged on the salt flats of that throw-away planet would have tipped his hand.

Ben’s sure that wherever he is now in the Force, his uncle realizes that his sacrifice was for nothing. Luke was always so careful to make himself seem irreproachably noble. He was so bent on fulfilling a great purpose. A few of his classmates at Luke’s academy had liked to joke that they were sure that their Master was so perfect that he probably “shit rainbows and daylight.” The thought still had the power to make him chuckle.

He was also certain that wherever he was now, Luke knew the secret that Ben would keep until the time was right. He hoped Skywalker had Force-choked on his own hubris when he figured it out.

 _Close._ He was so close now.

Ben wondered where Rey was at that moment. He had reached out regularly since Crait, but she had blocked his attempts to connect with her. The color of her rejection was a dark and angry red crackling along the thread of their Force bond. It was peppered with the dingy yellow of her disappointment in him. It did not matter. The Force had shown him what happened next. No matter how angry she might be with him now, she would relent.  

Once he had confirmation of the "tragic accident" of Armitage Hux, he would wait the obligatory mourning period of three days for the fallen general and then send a message to General Organa.

_It was almost time to get his girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a holiday weekend in the U.S., so I have been able to get out another chapter! 
> 
> This Ben Solo has an edge of bitterness to him along with a healthy amount of arrogance. He has no power to empathize with a galaxy that has treated him with contempt for so long. He has little feeling for those who should have loved him. They are a means to an end. Ben expects everything he wants to just slide into place because the Force has shown it to him. I wonder what Rey will think of that? We will find out some of that answer in the next chapter. 
> 
> Please leave me some comments! They keep me going as RL intrudes upon writing! I always answer and appreciate your thoughts! XOXO


	3. Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We join Rey and the dwindled Resistance at the old Rebellion base on Hoth where she tries to sort through her feelings about the Supreme Leader, who has decided to pay them a visit. Ben does not mince words as he makes his intentions clear in front of the whole base. Rey is not amused.

The message that had been sent to Leia had been cryptic at best.

_Arriving on Hoth in eight standard hours to negotiate terms. -Kylo Ren_

Ben was coming.

Rey did not stop to wonder how Ben and the First Order had known where to find them. She had known it was inevitable that they would be found. Rey surmised that it would be a combination of the Force and the limited number of choices that had been left to the Resistance after the battle on Crait that led the First Order straight to them. She had suggested as much to Poe Dameron when he had set course for the icy planet, only to be ignored with a charming but dismissive smile.

Because Poe had dismissed her talents as a strategist, Rey had been surprised when he knocked on the door to her quarters the first evening they had been on Hoth to asked her to dinner. He had come, hair dampened from a trip to the ‘fresher, with a small sheaf of winter Hothwheat from outside the base. He had explained to her that they were the only plant to survive the harsh conditions of the planet.

It was an odd custom, Rey had thought, bringing flowers such as these to someone. Poe had tried to explain that men sometimes did that when they were interested in a woman. The brash pilot had looked a little embarrassed at that admission and Rey had flushed in response.

There were no flowers on Jakku. She’d had no idea what to do with the bundle of tiny brown stems. Try as she might, she could find no beauty in them, but she had thanked Poe politely and decided to have dinner with him to put him out of his obvious misery.

She wished that she could say that she enjoyed her dinner with Poe. There was nowhere to go but the dining hall. While Poe had gone to a lot of trouble to set up a makeshift table for two in a dimly lit corner of the space, they had spent the time dodging the amused glances of the others, eating a meal of rations, drinking a dusty bottle of Correllian whiskey, and talking about Poe. All Poe. Only Poe.

The single time that Rey had been able to interject something about what she had learned during her time on Ahch-to with Luke, Poe had nodded in a patronizing fashion and told her that he was “sure that they could use her for a holovid to impress their allies or something.”

Poe had asked her to go flying with him a time or two since then, but Rey had invented a polite excuse and worked to appear engrossed in fixing her saber. Once word had gotten out that she was doing that, she had needed to find a secluded and quiet spot in a far away maintenance closet to avoid drawing a crowd. Some members of their group apparently expected her to suddenly jump up and yell “Presto!” before producing a working blade. Rey wished it were that simple.

Between her relegation to token soothsayer by Poe, her inability to fix the broken saber, and the breathless and worshipful treatment from the rest of the Resistance, Rey felt like a fraud. As if she were, once again, in a place she was never meant to be. It was strange how a person could be lonely in a base full of people.  

_She had only ever felt complete when she was with Ben._

Rey viciously tamped down the spark of excitement she felt knowing she might see Ben again in person. It had been the same since the day he had told her she was not alone and touched her with cautious tenderness. The guilt ate at her knowing that Ben had been responsible for so much misery among members of the Resistance. It did not seem to matter that her conscience stung with shame. She could not help her feelings. She _still_ wanted Ben Solo in her personal orbit.

 _When would she stop caring for him? Tomorrow? Next week? Force…please_ , she begged _. Make it stop._

It frightened her to think that she could set aside so many dark acts committed by the First Order and Ben himself, but still harbor one tiny flame of hope that refused to be extinguished. No amount of meditation had resolved it for her. There were not answers to be found in any Jedi text. It simply was.

A uniformed technician bumped into her where she stood frozen in the main hall of the base lost in her thoughts. He called an apology over his head, giving her a strange look as he passed by. It felt like Rey was moving in slow motion while everyone else surged like ships launched into hyperspace.

Ben was coming.

At present, the entire base was scurrying from station to station, preparing for another battle they were certain would come. Everyone was putting on a brave face, but the terror was plain in their eyes. _Exactly how many Stormtroopers would be coming for them this time?_

Some had begged Leia to load the remaining ships and run, but she had refused. She had been resolute and dignified. Her husband and her brother had met Kylo Ren. “It’s my turn,” Leia had told her, gently, trying to hug away Rey’s fear for her safety.

 _Ben wouldn’t hurt his mother._ Not after Han. She refused to consider it. Rey would stay nearby. She would speak to Ben herself. She had no saber, but she would put herself between them if necessary. _Leia would be safe._

Rey thought of the moments before she had closed the ramp of the _Falcon_ and helped Chewie fly Leia and their friends to safety. Ben had looked up at her, his eyes telling the story of pain and loss. She knew she was a part of that story. She had left him when he had asked her to give all that she was into his keeping.

Her heart ached a little at the thought of Ben crouching in the rubble, humbled in loss. Yet her efforts to bring him back with her had been aborted in favor of more bloodshed. He had looked hopeful for a moment when the Force had connected them the last time, that she might stay with him. Rey had thought of it for just a moment. She had wondered if he would turn his back on all of it – the Dark Side, the Light, the Resistance, the First Order… _all of it_ \- and just run away with her.

Unfortunately, that was a fantasy she could never again afford to entertain despite the nightly reminders from the Force. It had haunted her dreams every night – those images of her hand in his, their children snuggled between them. _Ben looking at her with_ _so much love._ Like an unending holovid, the dream had played over and over in her mind, pricking at her like small cuts which always bled more than any large, gaping wound.

Often, Rey had felt his presence probing at their bond, wanting entrance. Wanting absolution. Wanting, it seemed, _her_.

No matter how she wanted to, Rey could not give in. She told herself that if he had not seen his path to freedom and redemption in the moments in the throne room before they had struggled for the lightsaber, then Ben would never choose her over that kind of power. She refused to be the prize in yet another transaction. She had experienced the humiliation of that with Unkar Plutt.

The sad truth was that Ben was a man who reveled in his damage and might, holding it up as a trophy, his soul demanding retribution for transgressions great and small. Those qualities had called to everything compassionate in Rey that longed to nurture and heal him, to illuminate his hidden goodness and see it reflected back to her like a dark moon bathed in starlight.

Rey felt tears rise behind her eyelids. She knew she could not fix Ben Solo…but in that guarded place where a blue flame burned small but strong, she could also not stop loving him. She steeled herself to spend her life doing it from afar after today.

Behind her she could hear a collective gasp as a single ship with its distinctive ion drive broke atmosphere.

“Watch the scanners!” Poe yelled above the din, “It’s probably a trick. The fleet can’t be far behind.”

Personnel all around her scrambled to battle stations as the Supreme Leader’s elegant command shuttle soared toward the landing pad in front of the main hangar bay doors, setting itself down on its feet like some elegant raptor.

Leia drifted up behind her, the fabric of her robes swirling around her with a soft _whoosh_ that Rey somehow found comforting. It was the only soft thing around them amidst stone and concrete.

“Rey,” Leia entreated her quietly, “please try not to worry. I don’t think he’s here to harm me or anyone. Reach out with the Force. It feels calm to me. Let’s see how this goes, alright?”

Rey nodded, taking a deep breath as the ramp of the shuttle glided silently to the icy ground. Its lone inhabitant, black robes swirling, strode down the ramp and toward where Leia and Rey stood just inside the hangar doors.

Poe and Finn raised their blasters, training them on Ben as he moved. Rey had to fight the urge to scatter the weapons with the Force, everything in her rebelling at the thought of anything hurting Ben.

It was a silly thought and one that, judging by the wicked grin that suddenly came to Ben’s face, he had sensed through the Force. He could take care of himself. Rey could feel hot color rise in her cheeks as she thrust her chin in the air. Pride, her oldest friend, had come to her rescue once again.

It seemed to matter little that more than half the base was poised to kill him. Ben never took his eyes from his mother as he approached. Finally stopping a few feet in front of her, he spoke to Leia as if he had just seen her in the last standard week.

“Hello, Mother. I trust you received my message. I hope you have accommodations for me. I have set aside the next few days to broker peace with the Resistance. At the end of that time I expect that Rey and I will be leaving.”

The tall, handsome man finally turned to her, giving her a wicked grin. “Hello, Sweetheart,” his deep voice rumbled, setting her nerves alight, “I’ve come to bring you home.”

Rey’s mouth fell open in a gasp. Pride abandoned her, replaced by her second oldest friend.

_Fury._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The real title of this chapter should be "Procrastination." I should be writing something else, but needed to get this out. 
> 
> What do we think of our lovely, conflicted Rey and our ballsy, presumptuous Supreme Leader in this chapter? And...ahem...what think you of the date with POE?!?! Whatever do you think Rey will say to Supreme Leader in the next chapter? Supreme Leader is NOT wise...
> 
> Please leave me some comments! Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Begging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Supreme Leader certainly knows how to make an entrance! 
> 
> Things quickly go sideways when Poe and Finn step forward, but Rey and Leia get things under control. Leia pulls her two favorite Force users into a meeting, but Ben chooses to tell his mother a few home truths. Broken, Leia asks Rey for a favor.

Poe Dameron scooted forward, blaster still raised to the taller man before him. “Keep your hands off _my girl_ you godsdamned _sideshow magician_ ,” Poe spat.

Rey’s breath left her in a gasping rush. She could feel her face heat with anger and embarrassment. No one in the Resistance knew of her connection to Kylo Ren. And Poe…Maker, _were all men this stupid?!_ She wasn’t _his_. He challenged Ben at his peril. Not to mention that she was vaguely insulted at his words. If Ben was a “sideshow magician,” dammit, then so was she!

Rey shook off the onslaught of conflicting emotions. She could not worry about Poe’s behavior. She was too consumed with Ben’s dramatic announcement.

The nerve! _Just who in the seven hells did Ben Solo think he was?_ Was she supposed to just waltz out of here at his command? And be his _what?_ His First Order _concubine? Like hells!_

Ben had frozen at Poe’s words. His eyes hardened in anger before he slowly turned to narrow his eyes at Poe. “Ah, _Best Pilot_ ,” he mocked, raising his hand, Rey watched as Ben rifled through Poe’s unguarded mind for gods knew what. Poe winced with discomfort, frozen to his spot. Finn tried to pull his friend back to safety, but his efforts were unsuccessful. Ben could suspend the movements of the entire room if he chose.

When he found what he wanted, Ben chuckled. He turned back to Rey but directed his words at Poe. “As Rey has not seen fit to let you down gently, _Best Pilot_ , allow me to let you down less gently _. She is not your girl._ She never was. _She never will be.”_

Ben paused to laugh with genuine mirth before meeting her eyes. _“Hothwheat?”_ he scoffed, laughing again as Poe went purple with rage. “I would bring you the most exotic flowers in the galaxy. _Every day.”_

A ripple of comment flowed through the rest of the Resistance.

This was a nightmare. It had to be.

Suddenly Ben stiffened and focused on Rey. His eyes traveled the length of her body, stopping once again at her waist.

_“Where is your weapon?”_

Was he serious?! _Ugh._ Rey had reached her limit. She drew a long breath to power through the blistering tirade she was about to unleash at Ben Solo’s too-handsome head.

Leia, who had been staring in silent wonder at the scene in front of her finally barked out a terse, “Enough!”

All eyes turned to the general. Leia raised a single eyebrow, much like her son’s, and gestured for Ben and Rey to follow her. Poe and Finn started forward, but Leia waved them off. Poe, especially, did not look happy. “General,” he whined like an undisciplined adolescent, “neither of you is armed.”

Leia rolled her eyes at the mistaken notion that she and Rey could not take care of themselves without a man to do it for them. “Just so, Commander. Give me your blaster.” Leia held her hand out, wiggling her elegant fingers when Poe hesitated. Rey knew that Leia could, if she chose, use the Force to defend herself. She was giving Poe a concession to get him out of her hair. Finally, Poe let out a sigh and handed it to her. Turning to Ben and Rey, she nodded her head to indicate that they should follow her.

“After you, Sweetheart,” Ben told her tightly. Rey did not know his every expression, but she could feel his anger through the Force.  

Wait…he was angry with… _her_?

Oh. _Maker._ Give her patience. Patience… _patience_ …yeah… _nope_. The _moment_ she could get him alone, she was going to climb him like a tree…and then _slap him silly._

Ben bent to whisper in her ear. “That might be fun, Sweetheart, but it will have to wait. Once I hammer out the terms with my mother, you should go and pack.”

Rey gasped again at his _absolute cheek_. “Get out of my head,” she ground out.

“I can’t help it. The bond has strengthened now that I am here. Your thoughts are unguarded. You should really learn to do something about that, love.” Ben stopped in his tracks and then sneered. “The hallowed Skywalker _didn’t teach you?_ How provoking. _”_

Rey was going to kill him. Lightsaber or no lightsaber. She really, really wished she didn’t want to kiss him at the same time. It was incredibly _inconvenient._

Ben laughed long and loud.

He followed his mother who tossed Poe’s blaster on a side table before seating herself at the head of the large meeting table. Ben chose a seat nearby and leaned back in the chair, stretching his impossibly long legs out in front of him. In unrelieved black, Rey had to admit, he was a thing of dark beauty.

Ben raised an eyebrow and smiled at her with bright, even teeth, preening like a great dark peafowl with feathers splayed.

At that point, Rey just willed her brain to shut off. When she was finished reading him the intergalactic riot act later, she was going to pour through the Jedi texts to find out how she could shore up her thoughts. _Gods._

Rey deliberately positioned herself on the opposite side of the table from Ben causing him to laugh. “It is no use fighting the will of the Force, Sweetheart,” Ben said in a low, matter-of-fact tone. “You have had the dreams, too. _I know.”_

Rey’s eyes widened at that latest piece of intelligence. _Ben had been having the dreams, too?_

Leia let out a long-suffering sigh. “This has all been very… _enlightening_ , but what are you really doing here, my son?”

Ben watched Rey a moment longer, that infuriatingly attractive smirk on his face, before turning to his mother. Suddenly, he was the Supreme Leader, all the power of the galaxy at his fingertips. “General Organa, I have-“

“A moment ago, you called me ‘Mother’,” Leia reminded him quietly.

Rey watched as Ben sucked in a telling breath. “A habit, I suppose, _General._ The last time I saw you in person, you still held that title for me. After you sent me to be murdered by my sanctimonious uncle, I decided that _I no longer had one._ ”

Leia recoiled as if she had been slapped.

Ben leaned forward over the surface of the wooden table, looking his mother directly in her stricken eyes. “You mean your brother did not tell you why I reduced his temple to ash? _What a surprise_.”

Ben turned to Rey. “You didn’t tell her.” He was not asking or accusing. It was simply a statement.  

He reached out and touched Leia’s hand with his large, gloved one. Rey jumped, uncertain if she should try to protect Leia from whatever Ben intended. She put a hand on Leia’s shoulder. The effect was that she, too, could see what Ben meant to show the general.

Tears fell unchecked down the pale cheeks of Leia Organa Solo as she watched the attempted murder of her beloved son by her brother. Her painted lips fell open, a strangled sob finding its way from her throat. “ _No,_ ” she finally whispered. “Luke.”

Ben disengaged from her mind, leaning back in his seat and watching as his mother took in the scenes he had shown her. “You will understand, then, why I do not consider this a cherished reunion with my last living relative.”

Leia raised liquid eyes to his. “Ben… _I didn’t know_ …I thought you were safe with him. I-I thought he could _help_ you.”

Ben’s eyes turned to molten steel. “I’m afraid his brand of ‘help’ was a bit hazardous to my health.”

“ _I am so sorry, Ben_ ,” his mother croaked. “I could never understand why you went to Snoke instead of just coming _home._ I couldn’t understand…why… _your father_ …but _now_ …”

Ben’s control slipped ever so slightly, the depth of his anger bubbling up to the surface like the magma of a long-dormant volcano. “ _Do you think that matters to me now?”_ His voice rose, lashing and violent. “That anything _you_ could say would change my contempt? I am supposed to offer compassion now when _you showed me none?_ I begged you! Do you have any idea _what Snoke did to me?_ I was too young to understand my abusers. I thought I had done something wrong and I had nowhere else to go. _You gave me to the monsters long before you ever thought me one._ ”    

Leia seemed to collapse in on herself like a long-standing and much-revered landmark whose very cornerstone had crashed to the ground. She clutched her middle, rocking slightly as she accepted her son’s verdict and her part in the last fifteen years of devastation. To him, she was no longer his mother.

Ben had become Kylo Ren to protect himself when no one else would. Rey had known, but she could not tell Leia. It was not her story to tell. And perhaps she had not been strong enough to break the strong woman she knew with so many sharpened truths.

Rudderless and broken, Rey could sense Leia grasping for anything to hold out to her son in supplication. She waited quietly as Leia searched in vain. There was nothing. She had failed him. She had not meant to, but she had.

Rey grabbed Leia’s hand to steady her, not unsympathetic to this lovely woman who had taken her in and cared for her without question. Leia had sacrificed so much for peace and justice for the galaxy but had unwittingly left her young son to fend for himself against the one person who should have been able to guide him. Rey had always idealized parents but knew now that no matter the circumstances, people who loved you could still fail you. _At least Ben had been loved._

Judging from his mother’s reaction, Leia loved him still.

After a few minutes of deafening silence only broken by the soft and unceasing sobs of Leia Organa Solo, Rey gently took the woman by the elbow to lead her from the room. Leia had not yet recovered from her brush with death on board the _Raddus_. Rest and privacy were the things she needed most.

Rey looked at Ben with accusation. He might not have had an easy adolescence, but he was a grown man. He could choose to forgive. He could choose kindness. “I will return in a moment.” He nodded briefly before looking away, his dark lashes sweeping over the brown eyes he had inherited from his mother.

 _Ah_. There he was. Ben thought he had hidden his emotions from her. His words might have severed the frayed ties with the woman who had given him life, but he was not as unaffected as he wanted Leia to believe.  

In the hall, Finn and Poe rushed forward, both assuming Ben had done something to physically harm Leia. “I’ll kill that bastard!” Finn growled, his eyes wild with the need for revenge.

“General!” Poe said to his surrogate mother, “what did that monster do to you?”

“No!” Leia admonished them. “ _He is my son._ He did nothing to me but tell me the truth. You will leave him be. That's _not_ a suggestion.”

Finn and Poe looked to Rey, puzzled. She simply shook her head sadly. If Leia wanted them to know, she would tell them.

As Rey walked with Leia to her quarters, Leia suddenly spoke in a small, haunted voice. “He won’t forgive me, Rey.” Leia had not meant her words to come out in a muffled wail, but Rey knew that she had been temporarily abandoned by her legendary control. Her stern words to Finn and Poe had been a cover for the hollowness that Rey could see in her eyes. 

Rey put her arms around Leia’s shoulders, hugging her. _Holding her up._

Leia cleared her throat. “He shouldn’t,” Leia whispered, “but no matter what he believes, I still know my…my son. _My boy.”_ Leia held back a sob. “I can still see behind that mask of arrogance he wears. Ben cares for you, Rey. _Very deeply_. He believes that the galaxy owes him for all he has suffered. Perhaps he is right…but, _Gods, Rey_ …do _not_ let him convince you that he is here because the Force promised him something it owes him. Ben needs you. He wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

Leia turned to her in front of the door to her quarters, taking both of Rey’s hands in her own. “I know I have no right to ask you, but _I’m begging you._ Please, Rey. Try to look beyond.  _Please give him a chance._ ”       

Rey stared at her friend and mentor for a long time as her own emotions warred within her. Anger. Doubt. Uncertainty. She thought of how hopeful and uncertain Ben had looked after the battle in the throne room. When he sat next to her and reached for her hand. Ben Solo's armor was thick, but somehow _she_ had pierced it. Finally, cautiously, she nodded at Leia.

Leia reached up to cup her cheek and gave her a small, sad smile. “Thank you, Rey.”

With that, Leia Organa Solo collected herself. She straightened her spine, her bearing once again that of a leader and princess. Rey watched with admiration as she walked to the door of her quarters, needing to regain her equilibrium in private.

Just before the portal slid closed behind her, Leia said, “Han used to call me ‘sweetheart', too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will see Rey read Supreme Leader that intergalactic riot act next chapter. She may have agreed to Leia's plea, but she is not planning to entertain Ben's nonsense!
> 
> What did we think of this chapter? As always, I live for your comments and so glad to have friends both new and old along for this fic! Thank you! XOXO


	5. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey stands in for Leia as the negotiator for the Resistance in peace talks with the Supreme Leader. His terms are very clear, but Rey protects what is hers.

Ben waited for Rey to return from wherever it was that she had taken his mother. As they left the room, Ben could not help but notice how frail the general had seemed for a moment. She was older, certainly, with more lines on her face. His mother would be beautiful no matter her age, though, he thought impartially. There had always been something about her that drew the eye. Just like Rey

He had been proud to be with his mother when he was a boy and she had taken Ben to the Senate. That was before he knew himself to be an inconvenience and an unwanted, unsolved problem. Leia Organa Solo was nothing if not a solver of problems. Her real father had been a problem, so she hid the truth from everyone, including her son. Her son had been a problem, so she had dumped him off with her brother. 

_Solved._

FN-2187 and Poe Dameron loitered in the hallway outside the conference room, pacing back and forth while giving him glares that they could never back up with action. Ben crossed his arms and smirked at them, deliberately poking their egos, daring them to disobey the explicit orders they had been given to leave him alone. Oh, how he hoped they would ignore his mother’s edict and try something.

Ben would be _delighted_ to accommodate them. Especially Dameron. _His girl?_  That walking sexually transmitted disease would touch her over his dead body.

Rey swept back in the room, closing the portal behind her and locking it before Dameron or FN-2187 could step forward and help Ben with his cherished fantasy to rearrange the order of their facial features. Or remove less useful limbs.

Ignoring their pounding and shouting at being left out of the proceedings, Rey stomped over to her former position across from him and sat down, her eyes never leaving his.

“Sweetheart,” Ben began in his most patronizing tone, his voice dropping to a silky whisper, “you seem upset.”  

He watched as Rey gritted her small white teeth, her captivating hazel eyes sparking with anger. “Stop calling me that,” she bit out.

“Why?” Ben looked at her inquisitively, feigning genuine distress at her request.

Rey dropped her head back in frustration, giving him a view of the elegant line of her neck. He wouldn’t mind putting his mouth there, exerting the lightest pressure with his tongue just where her pulse beat steadily. He imagined she tasted like berries.

Before he could pursue that line of thought, she returned her glare to his face. “Why are you doing this, Ben?”

“I told you, _Sweetheart,_ I am here to negotiate peace and take you home.”

“Home? _The First Order?_ To do what, exactly?”

“Rule the galaxy. _Make babies_. That sort of thing.”

Rey gaped at him, her cheeks heating with a becoming blush. “You _must_ be joking. _Stop._ Stop this right now. It isn’t funny, Ben.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, Rey. You have had the dreams. You cannot deny it. We are connected. The Force has shown you our destiny the same as me. Do you really think that you – that _we_ – have free will? We are the ultimate pawns. Our fate has been determined with or without any of the barriers that currently stand between us. I thought I would save time and lives and simply _remove_ them.”

The whole situation was ridiculous, he reflected to himself. He should not have to explain this to her. In a million years, Ben never would have thought to look for his mate scavenging in the deserts of Jakku. The Force had quite a sense of humor. It mattered little, however, where Rey had come from. She had no past as far as he was concerned. She was his now.

Rey studied him for a few moments, a look of almost comical disbelief on her face. Suddenly she stood and braced her hands on the table, leaning toward him. _“Are you telling me that there will be no peace negotiated unless I come with you, Ben Solo?”_

Ben leaned back in his chair, his gloved hands steepled in front of him. “That’s rather a pointed way of looking at my grand gesture.”

Rey began to pace around the narrow room. “Grand _gesture_?!” his girl sputtered. “Pointed?! _How else would you suggest I look at it?_ ”

Rey was seething. She wanted to let loose and shout at him, but she did not want to give him the satisfaction. He could almost see steam coming off her lithe form. Good. Let her be angry. It would do her some good to feel what he had been feeling since she had left him in the detritus of the throne room.

 _Gods, she was beautiful_. She needed no adornment to capture his attention. _Rey shone._ No matter how angry he was with her right now, Ben knew that Rey was his match in every respect. Her Force signature was breathtaking, limned with gold, lighting the horizons of his mind like a sunrise on Chandrila.

Ben drummed his fingers on the table and looked around the room with impatience and distaste. The Resistance existed in squalor. He planned to lavish Rey with every luxury she had been denied. He would follow the requirements of the charade so that he could once again board his shuttle and fly away, Rey at his side where both he and the Force knew she belonged.

Ben offered a suggestion. “Well, you could try to see it as a romantic scene where I have come to claim the woman who was meant to love me…”

“ _Romantic scene?”_ Rey seemed to lose her breath for just a moment, raising both small hands to cover her mouth before finding the breath to continue berating him. “ _LOVE YOU?!?_ Are you _crazed_?”

“Sweetheart,” Ben stated calmly, lifting one hand to examine his gloves with studied disinterest, “I assure you that I have full command of all my faculties.”

Ben watched as Rey worked herself into a fine fury. Her cheeks were heated a deep shade of scarlet, her breath puffing out of her mouth like the steam of a primitive piston engine. He could see her small breasts rise and fall against the linen of her tunic, the rapid breaths feeding her outrage. She was magnificent in her anger, reminding him of pure flame, sparking with reds, oranges, and deep accents of blue-white.

What Ben did not expect was her tears glittering in her eyes. Something in his chest tightened at the sight. If he did not know better, he would have thought that his heart had woken from its long slumber in his breast, but Ben knew it to be impossible. He might be a pawn of the Force, he might be captivated by the promise of a somewhat normal life with his opposite in the Light after so many years of existing in shadow, but he would not surrender to that sloppy excess of emotion known as _love_.

That did not mean, however, that he was unwilling for Rey to believe that she loved _him_. She was very soft-hearted for all her fierceness. It would help her adjust to life with him if she believed herself to have a strong emotional attachment to him. _Rey would be his wife._ She should have feelings for him, he reasoned with himself.

Ben would have a legacy. All his struggles would not be in vain.

Suddenly he looked up and realized that at least a portion of his thoughts had been mainlined into the brain of the woman standing across the table from him. He did not need to probe for her thoughts through their bond. The shocked and stricken look on her face said it all.

_Damn. Ben had allowed himself to get carried away._

He should have quieted his thoughts. Shaking off the foreign emotion he would have likely named ‘guilt’ if he had stopped to examine it more closely, Ben waited for her to regain control of herself. It was a setback in their discussions. Nothing more. Rey would want to save those insufferable people she called friends. _And his treacherous mother._

Rey’s mouth hung open, still in his head, though she clearly did not want to be. Tears coursed from her eyes and dripped from the edge of her jaw.

Ben reached out to read her thoughts. Ever the fast learner, he thought with some pride, his bride had blocked him from what she was thinking and feeling at that moment. He waited through her silence, allowing Rey at least the illusion of a decision about her future.  

After several long minutes of silence, while she gathered herself, Rey sat down across from him, her shoulders straightening. Quietly, she spoke. “If I go with you, you will swear to me that _all_ Resistance members will be safe from the First Order… _forever?_ ’

 _Ah, victory._ This time he would not be left standing in the burning hulk of a ship with his hopes and wants worn on his sleeves like some lovesick teenager. This time he would not debase himself by saying ‘please’ to the one person in the galaxy who should always choose him.

“If you can guarantee that there will be no further plots against the Order by the Resistance, then _yes_. You have my word.” Ben met her eyes, his own gaze conveying the seriousness of his affirmation.

Rey nodded, accepting that Ben meant what he said. Looking down at the table for a few moments, her next words were spoken with a hoarse whisper. “There is something else I want.”

Ben sighed, crossing his arms in front of his chest again. “I hardly think you are in the position to demand very much more than a cessation of all hostilities and escape from prosecution for that band of fugitives currently waiting outside that door to disembowel me.”

Rey nodded again, still not meeting Ben’s eyes, her mind still guarding her thoughts. “That may be, Ben, but I am going to ask anyway. I am going to risk that at least some part of you wants this enough to give me _this one thing._ ”

Ben’s instinctive need for self-protection began to stir deep in his gut. He could not help the deep breath that he pulled in before he asked for her request. “What is it that you want, Sweetheart?”

Rey finally met his eyes, at last ignoring his use of the endearment he fully intended to continue calling her if for no other reason than it forced her strong emotions to the surface. “ _A favor._ I want your word that at some point in the future when I ask it of you, _whatever I ask_ , you will grant me that one favor _without question_. If you do that, I will come willingly, I will fall in line with your plans, and I will help you fulfill whatever destiny the Force has chosen for you… _for us._ ”   

Ben studied her for a moment. “Is this something that you already know you will want or simply a stopgap to allow you a modicum of power over me?”

Rey’s expression was carefully blank. “ _Does it matter?_ ”

Ben stood, tiring of the exchange. Ultimately, his attempts to convince Rey to come back with him were progressing at a much faster pace than he had anticipated. They could be airborne in minutes.

“I suppose it does not,” Ben conceded. “I will agree to a single favor of your time and choosing, except for letting you go. _That I will never do._ ”

Tears rose in Rey’s eyes again at his answer. “Then we have an agreement.”

Ben grinned at her. “ _Excellent._ You should go and pack your things. I will wait here.”

It seemed, however, that Ben’s betrothed was not finished with what she had to say to him. Slowly, carefully, she stood up, her small chin rising as she called upon pride to strengthen her. “I may have just agreed to go with you and I will hold my end of our bargain…but understand something now. _You cannot simply decide that I love you, Ben Solo._ You cannot command it, you cannot legislate it, and you cannot lay ownership to the parts of me that I am not willing to give. The Force does not own all the mysteries of the universe because it does not own my heart. _And neither do you.”_

With those softly spoken, passionate words, Rey turned from him to inform her traitorous friends of their good fortune and attend to her belongings, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Ben’s eyes narrowed at the door where she had just exited, her faint flowers-and-sunshine scent lingering in the air, filling his senses with a familiar longing only she could cause. _Rey thought she could deny her love for him?_ He chuckled at her challenge. It had been ordained by stars. Her wishes in the matter were of little consequence.

She would love him. Ben would see to it.

“ _Let the games begin, Sweetheart_ ,” Ben announced to the empty room.   

He could not wait to get home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Ben Solo fascinates me. It's like he has a checklist of things that he wants from the Force. Got Rey? Check. She is less enthusiastic about Ben's plans, Force or no Force, but wrings a promise from him. I wonder what she'll ask for? Also, he clearly intends to make her his wife, but Rey hasn't been acquainted with that reality as of yet. I wonder what she'll think. Finally, do we think that the Resistance is really going to allow Kylo Ren to haul away their Jedi without any kind of response? Hmm...tune in!
> 
> Thanks so much for your comments and reading! It keeps me going. Bring Reylo friends! :)


	6. Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey explains to Leia and Chewie why she has decided to leave with Ben.

Rey hurried back toward her quarters, ignoring the questions of both Poe and Finn as her small but purposeful strides ate up the distance. She needed to pack and then she needed to find Leia. She would think of the exchange with Ben when she was truly alone. It had always been an occupational hazard to cry in front of others on Jakku. Any hint of weakness could make you vulnerable to those who wanted to take what you had earned. Weakness meant certain death.

Rey wanted to strangle him. She wanted… _him_. Not any of the other stuff that went with him. Not the arrogance he wore like his cloak. Not the cynical, angry, sarcastic man-child he had just shown her. Just Ben Solo. Just the man who had been, at least for a short time, her shelter. Her protector. _Her other half._

What if she had just trusted him? What if she had taken his hand that day? _What if she had stayed?_ Ben was so angry with her. It bled across their bond. Rey had just become a means to an end. A ticket that he would punch to get what he was owed from the Force. What about her? When would she stop paying life for any small scrap of affection? Was she so unworthy of the good things? The gentle things that life could offer?

She was tired and more alone than she had ever been. Tears rose in her eyes like the tide pulled by an overlarge moon.

“Rey!” Finn demanded, continuing to stomp after her when Poe finally broke off in frustration, the cocky pilot cursing fluently in at least three languages. “I don’t know what in the name of Jakku you think you are doing,” Finn fumed, “but you need to stop and talk to me! First Leia, _the strongest woman I know_ _other than you_ , rushed out of that room crying, looking like she wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere and die. The next thing I know, _you r_ ush out of that room, your head bowed, _your eyes red_ , and you won’t even talk _to me_! _What did that monster do to you, hmm?_ You need to tell me!”

When Rey did not stop to give him an answer, Finn grabbed her arm and tried to swing her around to face him. “Rey! _What is going on?”_

Leia intercepted them both at that moment, a soothing hand on Rey’s arm, her eyes narrowed on Finn. “Finn, I am not sure what you think you are doing chasing Rey around the base, _manhandling her_ , and shouting your lungs out, but _I suggest you stand down_. _Now._ Before I call the Sergeant-at-Arms. _”_

Finn stepped back with a huff of frustration. “ _I am_ the Sergeant-at-Arms.”

Leah looked unphased by that announcement. Roles had been reassigned after they had lost so many the day that they had fought the First Order on and around Crait. Finn was the designated peacekeeper should any infighting start on the base. At that moment, however, Finn was the only one disturbing the general peace.

Leia’s frown deepened as she noted Rey’s tenuous grasp on her composure. “ _Then I will order you to lock yourself up._ I want to remind you that you are not in charge of the people or information on this base. _That includes Rey._ Since no one here has _curled up and died_ yet _,_ leaving the Resistance in your hands, I presume that you are able to return to your duties?”

Chewie came up behind Finn, lifting him up bodily and setting him aside like a piece of furniture. Groaning out a question for both Leia and Rey, he put his impossibly long arms around them both in a gesture of comfort and protection. “What is wrong, my Princess? _What has the prince done now, Small One?_ Have you fed the boy? He is always angry when he is undernourished.”

Rey giggled softly into Chewie’s coarse fur, amused in spite of her current circumstances. She needed his comfort so much right now. She did not know if she could get through the next several standard minutes without his arms to hold her up. Both she and Leia pulled back to crane their necks up to meet Chewie’s eyes.

“He is also always most frustrating when he is lonely,” Chewie growled solemnly, his eyes sad as he watched them both carefully, pulling back to place a gentle hand on their shoulders.

Finn, always frustrated with being ignored, stomped off the other direction. Part of Rey wanted to go after him and explain, but what was there to explain? Finn would never understand and there was nothing that she could say that would adequately explain to him why it was important that she go with Ben.

Leia spoke to Chewie, her eyes filling again. “I failed him, Chewie,” Leia whispered. “I failed him in ways I never understood until he showed them to me today. I deserve his contempt. I can’t ever make up for what I did. _For what Luke did_.”

Chewie groaned, rare anger coating his howls, refuting Leia’s words. “ _Han.”_

Leia’s tears carved a bitter path down her cheeks. “Han made mistakes, too. We were never there. _Luke tried to kill him, Chewie._ The three of us… _we created Kylo Ren_ just as surely as Snoke.”

Chewie started to argue, but Leia shook her head once, silencing him. “He always adored _you_. You were the only one who was a constant for him. I can remember so clearly when you begged me to send him to Malla on Kashyyyk instead of to Luke. You were right, Chewie. It is why he doesn’t hold you responsible.”

Chewie glanced down at Rey, hoping for a different interpretation of the facts, but Rey held her tongue. She wanted to comfort Leia. She wanted to tell Chewie that Leia’s words weren’t true. The problem was, she couldn’t. There was more than a little bit of truth to them.

Ben was a grown man and he needed to start acting like one, but he had not been the architect of his own fall. He had help. Unwitting help, but help nonetheless. Like Rey had been, sold to a junk trader on a hot and gritty planet, Ben had been a confused child handed over by his mother for the ultimate betrayal by someone he trusted.

Chewie glanced down at the floor before squaring his immense shoulders and letting out a loud sigh. “I should probably go and speak with him. Perhaps he will listen to me.”

Leia nodded sadly. “You can try, but I don’t think he will listen, Chewie. I am also not sure that you will take any comfort in who he has become. He is no longer our confused but sweet little boy. He’s… _brittle._ ”

Chewie absorbed that information with a sad nod before turning his knowing eyes to Rey. “He is here for you, _Small One_. You are going with him?” Chewie always seemed to know things without needing to be told.

Leia turned concerned and curious eyes on her. “Rey? _You’re leaving with Ben?!_ ”

It was Rey’s turn to drop her eyes to the floor. She could not quite bring herself to give voice to what she had done. She simply nodded her head.

Chewie growled with disapproval, reminding her of what had happened the last time she had gone to Ben.

Leia grabbed both Rey and Chewie by their wrists, dragging them into the nearest private space, a maintenance closet, waiting impatiently while the Wookiee ducked his head to step inside and close the door behind him.

Leia took both of Rey’s hands in hers in the tiny room, lit only by a brace of emergency lights. “Rey, I know what I asked you earlier. It was a weak moment for me. I’m sorry for putting my burdens on you. For asking you not to give up on him…but…”

Rey shook her head, denying Leia the opportunity to finish that thought. “It was not that, Leia.” She recognized her own lie as soon as it was spoken and knew that Chewie and Leia would, too. “It was not the only reason,” she amended. “If I go with him now, if you can guarantee that the Resistance will _not_ plot any further attacks, Ben has agreed to end the war.”

Chewie groaned in protest. “ _Small One._ You cannot sacrifice yourself to save _everyone_.”

Leia agreed. “Chewie is right. There will be another way. I will speak to him. _Our allies..._ ”

Rey could feel her cheeks burning from the heat of the emotions coursing through her. She was not used to explaining her feelings to anyone. Meeting Leia’s eyes, Rey injected more calm into her voice than she genuinely felt. “ _No._  You know they aren't coming, Leia. They would have offered help by now. _Listen._ Please just listen.”

Leia fell silent, her shrewd eyes studying Rey in the half-light. “The same day that we fought the First Order on Crait, Ben Solo killed Supreme Leader Snoke to save me. I had gone to him on the _Supremacy_ because Luke refused to help me. _To help us._ I believed that Ben was our only hope to stop the First Order. I… _we_ had been bonded by the Force and I had reason to believe that he might be persuaded to help.”

Rey could hear Leia’s sharp intake of breath. “I am going with him, Leia. I am going with him to make very certain that no more of my friends die in a war that I have the power to end. _It’s past time._ I am going because _I hope_ that he will do better. _Be better._ I hope I can convince him to stop the child slave trade for the next little girl whose parents sell her to a junk trader. And… _yes_ …I am going with him because you asked me not to give up on your son. _I am going to keep my promise._ ”

Rey drew a ragged breath, unaware of the tears falling as she recalled the callous way that Ben Solo had demanded her heart as his due. As if it were part of a transaction where she owed all and he gave none. “Mostly,” Rey whispered, “I am going because I need to know if the man who reached across a whole galaxy to hold my hand and tell me I that I wasn’t alone can be convinced to share just a little bit of that heart he guards so carefully.”

Leia wrapped her arms around Rey, rocking her slightly as a mother might do with a frightened child. “Oh, Rey. You aren’t alone. You have all of us, sweet girl. _We love you._ I hope you know that. _”_ Chewie groaned his agreement, awkwardly patting Rey’s head with his large paw.  

Rey nodded against Leia’s shoulder. “I do know that, Leia. It’s part of the reason I must go. I have never had anyone to lose before.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes and nose with the back of her hand. “I can’t live here with you knowing that I could have done something to help. And the dreams that Ben was talking about? I never had a single dream that I can remember before the Force connected me to Ben Solo. The things it shows me…I have to know if they are possible. _I won't know unless I go with him._ ”

Leia pulled back, giving Rey a watery smile and her approval. “All right, my girl. I hope you know what you are getting yourself into. I can tell you from experience that Solo men have never made anything easy on anyone. They were also born without an ounce of humility. But...once they love you...well, they do it with everything they have. It's getting there without killing them that's the hard part. You’ve got your work cut out for you.”

Chewie nodded at Leia’s words, patting her head again with a mewling groan.

Rey stepped toward the door. “Rey?” Leia called.

“Yes?”

“May the Force be with you.”

Chewie groaned and offered his two cents. "Do not forget to feed the prince, _Small One_. He is always more reasonable when his belly is full."

Rey smiled and nodded, taking comfort in their words. She drew a long cleansing breath as she stepped out into the hall, starting yet another quest for the Resistance. This one for the heart of Ben Solo.

 _Force help her, indeed._        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, lovely readers, for being so patient! Real life has certainly gotten in the way. I do have most of another chapter written, however, so you should be seeing that shortly!
> 
> What do we think of Rey's reasons? 
> 
> Next chapter: Ben and Poe get into it again. And it's epic.
> 
> Comments, please, please, please! XOXO


	7. Posturing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey take their leave of the Resistance. It goes about as well as you'd imagine.

Ben stood at the edge of the hangar, waiting for Rey to join him. _Gods, he was bored._ Did she really have that many belongings? Apparently, he should have brought a pack animal. Where was a tauntaun when you needed one?

More likely his mother was even now trying to talk Rey out of going with him. _No matter._ She would come with him peacefully, or she would come with him while he pushed away Resistance blaster bolts. He knew Rey well enough to know that once she was committed to a course of action, his girl followed through. She had already chosen him.

The Resistance could go to the seven hells. _And his mother with them._

He watched with amusement as Poe Dameron stalked up to him, his eyes flashing with anger. Ben really did not want to indulge this raging narcissist in a dick measuring contest, but he supposed he was going to have to endure his company until Rey returned. Dameron was predictable. Not to mention ridiculous. Ben was embarrassed for him.

Ben stood still, his manner supremely unconcerned as Dameron got in his personal space. Ben’s nostrils flared with distaste at the smell of sweat and cheap cologne escaping from Dameron’s battered flight suit. His boots stopped inches from Ben’s, his breath snorting from his nose like an angry bantha and wafting unpleasantly against Ben’s neck. “I don’t know what shit you are pulling, _Supreme Leader_ ,” the pilot mocked, “but if you hurt her, I will make it my mission in life to kill you!”

Ben laughed, his eyes dancing in merriment. “You know, _Best Pilot_ , no matter how much you try to rise inside those little boots, hold up your shoulders, and tilt your chin, _you are still going to be smaller than me._ ”

Poe’s body stiffened with affront and he leaned in even closer to Ben, believing himself a genuine threat. “You think that I can’t take care of business, huh? I’m not the one who had his ass handed to him by a girl. _More than once.”_

Ben let out another snorting laugh. _Was he for real?_

Ben couldn’t help himself. “Well, _Best Pilot_ , you really shouldn’t allow jealousy to get the better of you. It is most unbecoming. There’s always the chance _you can pay a woman to hand you yours._ I hear they have those kinds of establishments on Coruscant. As I recall from swimming in that cesspool you call a mind, _you would know better than I._ ”

A chorus of unwilling and hastily masked snorts echoed throughout the hangar. The faces of the remaining Resistance personnel were priceless. They weren’t laughing at Ben. They were trying – and failing - not to laugh at Dameron.

“I don’t have to take that shit from a 29-year-old virgin.” Ben laughed out loud, the deep and sinister sound bouncing off the hangar walls, multiplying with the help of poor acoustics. Dameron's face reddened as he realized that the people he was always so keen to impress had not taken the bait to laugh at that one. 

As his mother’s favorite reached for his blaster, Dameron’s anger boiling over into sheer stupidity, Rey rushed up to them both. She placed one dainty hand on Poe’s chest and shoved him backward. She didn’t even need to use the Force.

Ben grinned wolfishly at Poe Dameron over Rey’s head. If his girl wanted to save him, he’d let her. Rey turned to him, her eyes narrowed in annoyance.

“ _Are you ready?_ ” Rey nearly spat.

Ah, so she did not plan on a long and weepy farewell scene. _Thank the gods._

Ben let his words soak in entendre, responding with a low purr meant for Rey’s ears alone. “I am ready whenever you say the word, Sweetheart.” He was satisfied when she sucked in a breath. Angry, he noted with more than a little satisfaction, but undeniably interested.

His mother reached their group. Looking up at Ben with wounded eyes in a starkly and unnaturally pale face, she snapped at him. “I would speak with you for a moment.”

Here we go. His mother could not resist getting in the last word? _Fine._ Rey stood beside him, her bag packed, her eyes trained on him as she studiously ignored FN-2187 and Poe Dameron where they fumed nearby. Ben had what he had come to claim. He found that he could be magnanimous one more time. Leia Organa no longer held any power over him or the galaxy.

Ben obligingly walked a few paces away so that the general could say whatever it was that she planned to say.

“ _Ben Organa Solo_ ,” his mother chided. Ben could not help but smirk at her as she shook an angry finger at him, whispering in the same voice she had often used when he was a misbehaving child. He had always known he was in real trouble when she used his full name. Ben crossed his arms on his chest, the leather of his uniform creaking slightly as he waited for the familiar sting of her judgment.

She did not disappoint him.

Drawing in a long breath, the former Senator wound up for a great speech. “You can deny any connection we have. You can reject the name that your father and I gave you and the Jedi Knight it was intended to honor.  In fact, I don’t care if you choose to call yourself _Kylo Ren_ or _Darth Solo_ or _any other damn name you please_. I owe you that much. The fact remains that no matter what you choose to do now or by what name you call yourself, you will always be _my_ son. You are a prince of Alderaan and the royal house of Naboo and you will acknowledge _that_. You _will_ treat that girl with kindness and respect or _so help me, Force_ , you will answer to me - regardless of this bargain you have struck with her. I will have your word on that. _Now_.”

Ben burst out laughing. She had actually cursed. He was nearly thirty standard years old and the ruler of the galaxy. His parents had abandoned him as a child. Yet here was his tiny mother presuming to dress him down in front of her ragtag band of…whatever they were… and then _demand_ that he give _her_ his word.

Ben purposely deflected. “Darth Solo. _Genius._ I wish I’d thought of that, _Your Royal Highness_.”

His mother’s face turned a mottled red. He could almost hear her heart rate increase and pump blood and adrenaline through her body. She was beyond furious with him. _Good._

Before she could unleash one of her infamous tirades at his head, he raised a hand to forestall her. “While I would love nothing more than to spend all day discussing in an unbalanced accounting of past behaviors how _I_ need to do _everything I possibly can_ not to let _you_ down in any way, I find that I am more than bored by this conversation. My relationship with Rey is no one’s business but mine. Far be it from me, though, to break _royal protocol,_ Your Highness _,_ by failing to give you the proper deference as befits _my station_.” At that, Ben swept forward in a showy bow before his mother before snapping back up and turning his back on her.

He met Rey’s glassy eyes, feeling a twinge of guilt at the look of hurt she struggled to mask. She had apparently caught some or most of that exchange using the Force. Ben resented very much that it should matter to him at all how she felt. Without taking his eyes from Rey’s large hazel ones, Ben spat over his shoulder at his mother, “You have my word. If you expect me to keep my end of the bargains struck here today, you will disband this group of former fugitives to the far corners of the galaxy _immediately_. I do not expect to hear that they have so much as used the same public restrooms to relieve themselves. _Any_ attempt to assemble will be regarded as treason and will come with swift and harsh punishment. You will seek no additional governing authority in any capacity in the future. Enjoy your retirement, _General_.”

Ben did not wait for a response from his mother, nor did he get one. He was done with this distasteful scene.

Instinctively, Ben started to reach for Rey with an outstretched leather-covered hand to lead her to his shuttle, but suddenly recalled the moments in the throne room when he had laid himself bare for her. There would never be a repeat of that moment. He dropped his hand. Instead, he merely said, “Come,” and stalked toward the ship.

He raised the black cowl over his head to ward off the temporary onslaught of weather on the godsforsaken snow planet where the Resistance had come to hide and lick its wounds. Trudging through the windswept blanket of ice beneath his booted feet, he used the Force to raise his body temperature against the extreme cold. Ben reached out with the Force to scan for evidence that Rey was following behind him. He could hear brief words exchanged, some with voices raised that were carried on the wind, and the rustle of indistinct movements that would likely be hugs of farewell. He could feel Rey’s pain as she left her life with the Resistance behind. He heard his Uncle Chewie groan, admonishing her to take care of herself.

Ben could recall that same admonishment directed at him the day he had accompanied Ben’s parents to leave him in the keeping of Luke Skywalker.

As flakes of ice settled on his dark eyelashes, he reached out a hand toward his ship. He watched as the ramp responded to his command to open, kicking up a swirl of snow as the edge of the ramp met the frozen ground. Stalking up the ramp, he could feel as Rey approached. Heading to the small bridge of the craft, he waited until he knew she was aboard before closing the ramp and moving through the short pre-flight checklist.

 _Rey was with finally with him._ He could feel her Force signature somewhere behind him as she looked around for what she should do next. Ben resisted the urge to turn and simply feast his eyes on her. His anger at her burned as brightly as his need to have her near him.

Without turning, he extended her as much hospitality as he was willing at that moment. “Sit or don’t. Stow your belongings or don’t. There are sleeping quarters and a ‘fresher behind me as well as a troop hold below if you prefer something more spartan. I care not. The coordinates are set and the ship will guide itself until we near the First Order. You are not to approach the bridge controls.”

He could sense her affront at the implication that she might try to commandeer the ship. It brought a smirk to his face. Ben knew very well that Rey would love to get her hands on the controls if for no other reason than she loved flying and was a great pilot. Far better than Dameron could ever hope to be. Ben liked her spirit and would trade it for her melancholy any standard day. Where she was normally cheerful and in control of herself, Ben liked that he could elicit ungoverned emotions in Rey. It answered his need for revenge at her betrayal on the _Supremacy_ to stir her up like this. It also spoke to his wish to stir strong passions within her. Passions he hoped one day that they would share.

In the meantime, he had been away from his government too long. Ben strode past her toward the portal of his private quarters, barely sparing Rey a glance. “I do not have time to play host as I have more urgent matters of state that need my attention. We will arrive at our destination in approximately eight hours. I am sure you can find something to occupy yourself until then.”

Once alone, Ben removed his cowl, gloves, and cloak, seating himself at the desk in his private quarters. He rubbed his eyes with his hands. He tried to push from his mind the glimpse he’d had of her small, lovely face. He steeled himself not to care about the tear that trailed down her cheek as she took his orders like any other cog in the machine of the First Order.

 _Oh well_ , Ben thought. As he had learned from her when he had awoken dazed and alone on the floor of the throne room, there was no room for sentimentality between them.

They would both have to get over it.       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, my friends! It is about 2 AM where I live and I cannot sleep. What better way to wait out the sandman than to complete the next chapter? Besides, coffee.
> 
> I had to crack up at the exchange between Ben and Poe. It pretty much wrote itself. Do we think that Poe is just going to let Ben Solo get the better of him and walk off with the woman he regards as his girl? (Even if we - and that girl - know better?) And what of Leia? Does she have any right to demand anything of her son at this point? Finally - poor Rey. How is she ever going to turn this around? With the way that Ben is acting right now, should she want to? Yes. She knows that Ben is inside that tough outer shell. 
> 
> Please leave me some comments! Next up, the First Order!


	8. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's first few minutes with the First Order are distasteful, but one unspoken truth seems to speak to the heart of Ben Solo.

Rey had been in the bosom of the First Order for exactly five standard minutes before she was ready to dismember every person on Ben’s Senior Staff with a small, dull, dessert utensil.

Nearly the moment they had stepped off the shuttle, Rey standing just behind and to the right of Ben (a position of inferiority that she resented mightily), some smarmy, murderous, uniformed toady had stepped up to the Supreme Leader to discuss Rey’s presence as if she were not a flesh and blood fact standing mere feet away. His nostrils flared with distaste as he took in her appearance.

Was the Supreme Leader aware that immediately over his right shoulder Snoke’s reported killer had apparently tagged along on his command shuttle?

Ben raised a dark eyebrow at the obvious information but said nothing of the man’s assumption of his ignorance on the matter.

“Would you like us to execute her, Supreme Leader?” the non-descript robot had asked Ben in a conversational tone, raising a hand to invite two armed Stormtroopers forward to undoubtedly take her prisoner. Rey had a vision of herself either being unceremoniously disposed along with the periodic waste dumps of the large ship or of having unspeakable acts of torture performed on her person before being jettisoned with said ship waste.

“Not just today, I think, Peavey,” Ben had responded. “Perhaps tomorrow or the day after if I get tired of her.”

“Very well, sir. Just where would you like us to…err… _accommodate_ this… _person_?”

Ben had smirked with that infuriating slight curve of his mouth. If someone did not know him well, they would miss it. Rey could see the gleam in the eye closest to her as he turned his profile toward her just slightly. “She will remain with me, Peavey. See that we are not disturbed.”

The man called Peavey flushed a little and laughed in shared villainy.

 _Aghh! The gall of the man._ Ben Solo had just given every person within hearing distance the distinct impression that he meant to keep the last Jedi locked up in his quarters as his whore.

Quickly scanning the minds of the gathered crowd, it is the title they had given her anyway.

While Rey’s feelings had been trampled upon earlier, she was now tired, hungry and just bloody furious with him.

And Ben Solo knew it.

Rey decided to make a spectacle out of herself. If Ben wanted to punish her for her past decisions by humiliating her in front of his officers, she would play along. She had, after all, assured him of her _cooperation._

“Just so, Supreme Leader,” Rey sweetly agreed before turning to his second in command. “Mr…err… _Peavey_ , is it?”

“That would be _General_ Peavey to you, _Resistance scum.”_ The man even rocked on his shiny boots a little, his hands clasped behind his back like some despot from the Outer Rim, certain that everyone should recognize his superiority.

“Very well, _General_ Peavey,” Rey said with all possible saccharine, cooperative intent. “Do send a med droid to the Supreme Leader’s quarters, won’t you? I am certain that in addition to satisfying himself that I am disease-free and protected against unwanted conception, he will want to ascertain that my oral health has been verified as well.”

Peavey looked nonplussed and very much like he wanted to confirm that the famed last Jedi had, indeed, indicated that she was here to _service the Supreme Leader_ in any way he might see fit.

Ben accessed their bond and hissed his displeasure. _What in the seven hells do you think you are doing, Rey?_

Rey remained silent and simply nodded her head at Peavey, smiling beatifically.

Rey answered him without speaking a word or taking her eyes off the general. _I am merely falling in with your plans as I agreed I would when we were on Hoth, Supreme Leader. It was our bargain._

Ben turned fully toward her, ignoring Peavey and the rest of his gang of merry murderers. He frowned, deep lines marring his brow, choosing to upbraid her through their bond rather than in front of his staff. _Do not speak again unless you are directed to do so._

Rey smiled widely and nodded her understanding. Ben did not want her to speak? _Very well._ It would be no great hardship to feign muteness during her time here. She would be as silent as the grave. Loneliness did not scare her. She had endured tens of thousands of hours of loneliness on Jakku. She had gone days without the sound of her own voice. Rey had found ways to entertain herself, train her brain, and retain her sanity. Silence was sometimes strength.

Interrupting her thoughts, Peavey rocked back and forth on his heels again and spoke to Ben. “Supreme Leader, Solo, I am afraid I must insist that we disarm this… _woman_. It would not do to have her alone with you and risk the same fate as befell our beloved Supreme Leader Snoke.”

Ben’s eyes gleamed. Apparently, he had not missed that she had been avoiding answering where her weapon had been when he had arrived at the base.

“That’s an excellent, idea General. It would not do to allow the Last Jedi the opportunity to kill me in my sleep.” Looking at Rey, Ben extended his hand. “I will have the lightsaber now, Rey.”

Rey relished the look on Ben’s face when she opened the sack of personal belongings she had slung over her shoulder and removed the saber in pieces. She remained silent as she placed the pieces in his hand, piling them carefully, offering no apologies and no explanations. She had been bidden not to speak.

She steeled herself against feeling anything as she registered the look of loss on Ben’s face when he realized that the crystal had been broken. The broken crystal hummed in agony, almost as if it were in actual physical pain. She hoped not.

Ben said nothing, neither through their bond nor out loud.

“Sir, I think that we should search her person and whatever she may have in her sack. She could easily be hiding-“

Ben studied her face for a moment before lifting a hand to still the general’s chatter. “She has nothing.”

The general wisely held his tongue, though it was clear that he wanted to argue.

Ben turned and began moving toward one side of the hangar. Rey kept her head down but followed him as he strode past the countless rows of Stormtroopers standing at attention. Reaching out with the Force, Rey could hear the thoughts of those closest to her. She was everything from “that Jedi whore” to “that poor skinny thing.” Most were certain that Ben would toy with her before killing her. All were determined to avoid the attention of both Rey and the Supreme Leader at all costs.

Rey followed Ben into a lift much like the one that they had ridden that day in the throne room. Unlike that day, she was not shackled and he was not standing behind her. And unlike that day, she had little hope that she could get through to him. She had no idea how she would fulfill her promise to Leia. Ben no longer had any soft edges as he had before she had left him. There seemed to be no trace of the man who had removed a glove to touch her with soft yearning in his eyes.  

_She had done that._

The broadness of his shoulders, especially with the cloak attached to them, filled the space in front of her, casting a long shadow on the lift floor. The lights of the shaft swept past her as they sped to an unknown destination within the ship, giving his form a phantom-like quality. 

Ben did not turn to her. He did not give her any notice at all. There was no room for small talk. There had never been anything that small to talk about between them. All the topics, the things that made the subtext of their relationship, were large. Much too large to be contained by the compact spaces of the lift.

Instead, Ben continued to face the doors. Silence grew like frost, its tendrils crawling up her spine, leaving her cold from the inside out. Suddenly her decision to remain silent felt _lonely_.

Ben’s dark head dipped unexpectedly to consider the floor. His voice, ever a deep, cool, velvety darkness that wrapped around the raw ends of her nervous system, was hoarse and almost questioning. “ _You came to me without a weapon.”_ He turned to look at her, as if he could not stop himself, those brown eyes betraying an emotion she could not name.

Rey only nodded. She could not make any verbal reparations for the broken saber. She could not explain to him that she cared for him very deeply and that she had come with him for more reasons than to secure the future of the former members of the Resistance. She could not explain that had it been whole and operational, she would still have handed her weapon over to him whether he asked her or not. Rey would not have it between them any longer. She would trust him, she would surrender to his darkest plans, even if it meant her doom.

The problem was that none of that would likely matter to Ben in the first thirty standard minutes of her time here, would it? Rey feared it might never matter to him and could not face the cruelty of that prospect. She took refuge in the protection of her silence, unwilling to ask him how long he would blame her. 

Abruptly, Ben reached out one gloved hand and brought the car to a screeching halt. Turning toward her in a swirl of black fabric and blazing need, crowding her against the cool of the lift wall, he seized her face between his gloved hands and kissed the breath from her body.

Rey gave in to the raw hopefulness of that moment and kissed him back with every tender feeling at her command.

Perhaps, just for that moment at least, Rey mattered to Ben after all.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, for being patient with me! Real life and deadlines have gotten in the way. 
> 
> To be clear, living in the First Order sucks. Ben thinks that he can keep her at a distance until he realizes that she has come to him with nothing even to defend herself should he abandon all his promises from their discussions from Hoth. 
> 
> What do we think of the chapter? I'm tired and desperate for feedback! Please indulge me with some comments! Thank you! XOXO


	9. Smitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey share some time in the lift and then find a surprise when they arrive at his quarters.

Ben was in no hurry to let Rey go now that he finally had her exactly where she belonged.

No matter how hard he tried to set his thoughts aside, they kept rounding the corner toward one simple but powerful truth. Rey _had come to the First Order – to him – unarmed._ She had not even brought the staff that she had scavenged for her defense on Jakku.

Ben lost himself in kissing his beautiful girl for long minutes, moving and shaping her lovely mouth with his own. It was exactly as he had imagined it would be the last time Rey had stood with him in a lift. It should have ended this way then.

_Rey should have stayed with him._

He kissed her like he planned for them to live in that lift for the next several decades, sustained by nothing but shared breath, and passion, and the mingling of soft flesh. Ben kissed her as if there were not tens of thousands of people on the ship with them, some of whom were even now stalled in the shafts around them, waiting for their cars to get to their destinations without colliding. _They could rot._

Ben kissed her _as if they had_ _already been lovers_ , telling her their story with pure sensation, daring her to argue.

Rey responded in kind, her every movement the perfect counterpoint to his. Ben could feel his body harden as her small tongue darted out to play with his, giving as good as she got. When they finally made love, he thought with anticipation, it was going to be explosive.

It was tempting as hells to initiate their first time standing up in a lift, but even Ben’s anger at her defection on the _Supremacy_ could not make him treat her with anything other than reverence and finesse the first time they were joined. She was going to be his wife.

Ben pulled back slightly to nip at her delicious lower lip, laving it with his tongue in sensual apology before diving in once again. He could not get enough of her sweetness.

Wrapping his arms around her tiny waist, Ben lifted her off her feet, holding her easily as she dangled above the floor. The change in position forced an enticing moan from her throat and her arms to wind around his neck. He could feel her plunge a hand into the hair at the back of his head, gripping his scalp with her small fingers, and pulling his mouth closer to hers.

_She wanted him, too._

Ben thought about how she had looked when he had walked up to the escape pod of the _Falcon_. It had been like the Force had served her up to him in a dream. She had been so beautiful, her hazel eyes wide and searching for him. Conscious of the ever-present Stormtroopers, Ben had lifted one side of his mouth in acknowledgment. He could not recall the last time anything had given him as much pleasure as Rey coming to him that day. He had felt more than compassion. He had felt the rekindling of hope in the empty cavern of his chest.

He wondered again what would have happened that day had he simply kissed her as he had longed to do after they had defeated the Praetorian Guard instead of offering her the galaxy. It was clear that Rey felt the same passion for him as Ben felt for her, yet she had walked away and left him for dead.

Ben had risked everything for her. He would have given his life to keep her safe. He nearly had. She had left him without even knowing if he had survived whatever surge of energy had taken place when they had struggled for his grandfather’s lightsaber. _His lightsaber._ Another broken legacy.

Abruptly, Ben pulled back, setting her back on her feet. He resisted the temptation to wipe her kiss from his mouth.

“What was that?” she asked, breathless, resting her forehead on his tunic. Despite the thoughts that had shocked him back to reality, Ben could not help feeling some amount of masculine pride. He had so robbed her of her senses that she needed to lean on him to regain her equilibrium.

Once she had her footing again and stepped back to look up at him, flushed and damn near irresistible, Ben answered her. “That was me ascertaining your oral health,” he muttered before turning around once again to face the doors of the lift and re-engaging the motion of the car.

Rey gasped but remained otherwise silent. Though she tried to shield her mind -that skill growing stronger like a muscle the more she used it – Ben could feel her outrage and hurt. Hurt rose through their bond no matter how she tried to smother it.  

Ben tamped down on his own desires and the unfamiliar impulse to hold her and beg her forgiveness. He just remained silent and focused on the reasons that she was with him at all. He had always taken refuge in his plans.

The Force had chosen Rey for him. She would help him build his legacy. The strong visions provided in their dreams would be fulfilled and the galaxy would go forward in an ordered peace. He… _it_ …would finally be free from the dogma of ancient religions whose rules did nothing but destroy planets and people.

Ben was willing to allow Rey to be an enjoyable part of his life, but he would never again allow her to command his emotions as she had. Despite his history with Snoke, Ben wasn’t a masochist. Rey would only abandon him again. _Everyone did._

The lift glided to a halt and opened on Ben’s private quarters. Two members of his personal guard stood on either side of the main doors, armed to the teeth and quietly menacing in their matte black Deathtrooper uniforms.

Ben had traveled around the galaxy recruiting the fiercest, meanest bastards he could find for the reborn Deathtrooper squad. A relic of the Empire, the original squads had been feared throughout the galaxy. While those Deathtroopers had been deployed on behalf of the Empire as their leaders saw fit, these men dealt in death and answered only to him. These men wore no masks and their faces betrayed no emotions. All operated with code names. It was just as well. He was not certain he could remember their real names or where they came from.

All he needed to know was that they would carve up anyone who tried to get near him with a weapon. The result was that sometimes Ben could sleep at night without worrying about the obligatory First Order assassination attempts. The gods knew he had visited just such a successful attempt on Hux.  

Ben could feel Rey at his back, peeking around him in the small space, trying to get a glimpse of where he was headed. She stiffened when she saw the hulking forms of Titan and War in front of him, turning her hip toward Ben’s to defend his side despite the absence of a weapon.

Ben couldn’t help it. A pang of tenderness trickled into the cavity of his chest like thickened nectar. He had just rejected Rey cruelly, deliberately keeping her at arm’s length. He had forced her to leave her friends and humbled her before countless First Order personnel. Yet here she stood, ready to defend him against two armed men, each more than twice Rey’s size. He did not want to think about the times on Jakku when a tiny girl would have needed to defend herself. Neither man reached Ben’s towering height, but each of them was taller than the average human male and so bulky as to require custom uniforms. Though they would never admit it, even his generals were terrified of them.

War raised a single dark eyebrow at the sight of such a tiny woman with her small fists raised against them and her hazel eyes narrowed on their smallest movements. Titan simply threw his massive blonde head back and laughed. Until that moment Ben had not been certain that the man had a full set of teeth.

War, ever silent and impatient, glared at Titan who straightened up and pressed a hand to the solid wall of his chest trying to hold in the remaining guffaws.

Ben intervened with the introductions. “Rey, meet War and Titan,” Ben stated, gesturing to each man in turn. “They are the captains of the Deathtrooper Squads and charged exclusively with my protection. That now extends to you as well. You will not venture around the ship without one of them or a member of their detail. Is that clear?”

While Ben could feel her resentment at his command, Rey relaxed her stance and nodded at the men, clearly expecting to be laughed at or ridiculed as she had been by the rest of the First Order. Instead, Titan made a deep bow to her and spoke for both men. “War and I are pleased to meet you, ma’am. While you are clearly a warrior in your own right, please count on us to protect you.”

Rey nodded her head again, providing them with one of her blinding smiles. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for your help.”

Both Titan and War were momentarily struck dumb, though Ben could have sworn that he saw the corner of War’s mouth rise just slightly in response to her cheerful greeting. Damn if everyone didn’t fall in love with Rey instantly.

Everyone _but him_ , of course. Still, he wasn’t going to jeopardize Rey's safety by assigning men who would allow themselves to be… _distracted_ by her charms.

Ben scowled over Rey’s head. “ _Are we going to have a problem?_ ”

Both men caught his meaning and returned to their stances at parade rest. “No, Supreme Leader. We will give our lives to keep her safe for you,” War offered respectfully. The words sounded rusty as if the man had not been forced to string more than one or two together in some time.

“Excellent. That is my expectation. You will remain under my command.”

War nodded and then eyed Titan, the men obviously having one further message to share.

Titan cleared his throat. “Supreme Leader, we have taken the liberty of allowing the lady’s droid to enter your quarters.”

Rey and Ben looked at each other, puzzled and wary, asking in unison, “ _What droid?!_ ”

At that, the doors of Ben’s suite slid open to reveal his black BB-unit, BB-9E, and the light-colored BB-unit who had been the cause of so much trouble on Jakku and Takodana.

Rey gave a squeal of delight as the small droid rolled toward her, chirping merrily.

“BB-8!” Rey exclaimed, her face suffused with joy. “What are you doing here?!”

Ben rather thought the answer to that would be more than obvious to anyone with the smallest intellect.

BB-9E rolled forward, her more angular head shifting up to look at Ben. “You had a stowaway on your shuttle, Supreme Leader,” 9-E chirped accusingly, her method of communication more formal than the droid currently chattering Rey’s ear off. “I have taken the liberty of notifying the security and TIE forces that we are being tracked by the Resistance.”

Ben huffed, his hands going to his hips and his head tipping backward. Of course. _Dameron._

His BB-unit rolled against his booted foot repeatedly to regain his attention. Ben looked down obligingly at the smart, black droid. “Supreme Leader,” 9-E began, “provided the tracking device may be removed from his circuits without damage to his core processors, _may I keep him?_ ”

Rey snorted with laughter. Titan fought to maintain a stern composure, looking back toward the hallway to his right. Even War looked ready to burst into hysterics.

Ben frowned in annoyance. He really did not have the kind of time that would be needed to reprogram his assistant.

9-E might only be a BB unit with a selenium drive and a thermal hyperscan vindicator like Rey's droid, but she was also very clearly _smitten_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me, tell me! What do we think of the new characters in this chapter? What about Ben's attempts to keep Rey at arm's length? She causes a lot of conflict in him. 
> 
> PLEASE leave some comments! I am excited to start getting into the meatier parts of the story. I'd love your thoughts. Happy weekend!


	10. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To jog your memory, last chapter the Supreme Leader kissed our girl senseless in a lift, introduced her to his bodyguards, and they discovered that a certain little round droid had stowed away.
> 
> Which brings us to this chapter. Resolve. It is about Ben's resolve not to engage Rey and not to love her, though, to some degree he cannot seem to help himself. (He doesn't realize what his actions say, though we see it.) It is about a new friend's resolve to help Ben Solo find his happiness. Finally, it is about Rey's resolve that she will fight for the love of a man who is determined not to love anyone. Rey doesn't have a plan and she doesn't have a lightsaber, but she has an ally. And a damned fine dress.

Rey

 

 _Thank the gods for BB-8._ He always knew how to make an entrance.

After the scene with Ben in the lift and the embarrassing and strange meeting with Ben’s security staff, seeing a friend was what Rey had needed most.

While Rey had first assumed that Poe had sent him along, creating that diversion in the hangar where he and Ben traded insults, Rey was not surprised to learn that it had been Leia who had ordered BB-8 to stow away on Ben’s command shuttle.

She could not help but laugh as Ben’s droid asked to “keep” BB-8. As for her little round friend, he had excitedly told her that he thought that BB-9E was a “dark beauty” and that she seemed “interested” in him, too. Rey had given in to mirth and clutched her sides while BB-8 looked on with his mechanized eye, clearly confused.  Apparently, advances in artificial intelligence resulted in small, round droids who experienced love at first sight. It was too much for Rey’s overtaxed senses. 

BB-8 and BB-9E had soon disappeared down the hall together chattering to each other about her attending to 9E’s list of daily duties before taking him off to a droid shop to have the tracker removed.

Rey stood in the living area of Ben’s quarters, waiting for him to reappear. He had told her to “make herself comfortable” but his quarters were so dark and sparse. Despite its cavernous size, the space reminded her of her AT-AT on Jakku. It was functional. No more, no less.

She could not find it in her to be surprised. Ben was ruthless with everything he did. Why would his décor be any different?

Real comfort was something Rey had never known but always craved. As things were going so far, she doubted she would ever find it here.  

Rey rubbed her arms as a chill chased up her spine.  Wandering to the transparisteel viewport, she hugged herself as she had often done for comfort, losing herself in the view of the galaxy beyond.

She had always dreamed of traveling the galaxy. She had wanted to see and experience the places that the smugglers and junk traders had often boasted of seeing. Her circumstances and her certainty that her family would come back from her had relegated those dreams to the realms of slumber. Now that she had seen some of those places, met their people, fought their battles, she sometimes wished for the solitude of her life on a desert planet. 

 _You always want what you cannot have, Rey,_ she admonished herself.

Ben Solo most of all.

The problem was that no matter how much she told herself not to want him – at the very least not to _care_ for him – she could not make her mind conquer the impulse. She could blame the Force, but nothing was ever that simple. Ben Solo felt as much a part of her as her skin as the flesh on the back of her neck or the curve of her knee. He stretched across heart as he had stretched across that vast distance to touch her hand.

Rey closed her eyes and thought of the hot and languid kisses they had shared in the lift, waiting for a man who would not come.

 

 ~

 

Rey let out a jaw-cracking yawn. It felt like she hadn’t slept in days. She had no idea how long Ben planned to punish her with his absence tonight, so the practical side of her nature decided to make use of the stiff looking leather sofa just behind her. Massive, with stark lines and a solid black surface, it looked as cold as its owner. Still, it was likely to be slightly more comfortable than anything on Jakku and the sparse cots at the Resistance base she had just left.

Tucking her legs up to her chest, Rey pulled her cloak around her to ward off the chill and leaned on the arm of the sofa. Minutes later she was lost to dreams of Ben Solo. Just like every other night since Takodana.

Sometime later, Rey felt herself lifted by strong arms. The unmistakable scent of Ben filled her senses and in her drowsy state, she could not resist laying her head against his wide shoulder, tucking her face under his chin and inhaling deeply. When she did, she could have sworn she felt him hold her closer, almost tenderly.

“Ben?” Rey whispered.

“Hmm?” he responded quietly as he maneuvered them down a darkened hallway and up a set of wide spiral stairs to a large loft space.

“You’re carrying me,” she stated quietly, testing the waters as to his mood and motives.

Ben didn’t respond for a moment. “It seems to have become a habit.” He paused again. “That is the most uncomfortable sofa I have ever had the misfortune to sit on.”

Rey frowned. “Why do you have it?”

Ben grunted as he rounded a corner at the top of the stairs. “It discourages visitors.”

Rey chuckled against his throat. Usually so sure on his feet for such a large man, Ben stumbled a little and she congratulated herself. _She bothered him. Good._

“Where are you taking me?” Rey asked in a meek voice. Suddenly, she wanted more than anything to know what it might be like to sleep next to someone. _To sleep next to Ben_.

“Close your eyes. You need the rest, Sweetheart.”

Rey could feel her eyes drooping once again, wondering in the midst of fatigue if Ben was using the Force to lull her back to sleep. She could not bring herself to care. A moment more and she was dimly aware of being gently placed upon the softest cushion of blankets she had ever touched.

She could have sworn that she felt the soft press of Ben’s lips on her forehead as he dragged the covers over her and stepped back. She could point it out to him. She almost did. She knew that it would only lead to an unproductive back and forth where she insisted on things that Ben would be determined to deny.

Rey did not believe that her tired heart could take another rejection tonight. Better to let it rest.

 

~

 

The next morning Rey woke with a start to find herself still wrapped up in the soft, metallic gray comforter that covered Ben’s bed. She looked to the pillows beside her but could not find any creases that would indicate that he had returned to sleep next to her.

_Where do you sleep, Ben Solo?_

That it seemed, however, was a secret for another day. Rey felt rested and inexplicably… _happy_. She was ready to face whatever came next. 

Turning to her right, Rey noticed that someone had left a beverage for her and what looked like a small cake with fruit baked inside.

Ever interested in food after years of having nothing more than ready-to-eat portions doled out by the gluttonous and stingy Unkar Plutt, Rey swung her legs over the side of the bed and grabbed for the pastry.

Sinking her teeth into the layers of flaky, buttery goodness, Rey’s eyes fell closed as the sweetened, mashed fruit hit her tongue. She chewed slowly, moaning softly at the decadent sensation of her teeth cutting through firm salty layers and tart, creamy filling.

 _It was, without a doubt,_ _the best thing Rey had ever eaten_.

It brought tears to her eyes that there could exist anything that tasted this good in the entire galaxy. There was so much to try and do. It was overwhelming. At the same time, Rey hoped she never got so used to regular meals and decadent foods that she took them for granted.

Rey could have sworn she heard a soft chuckle come from somewhere in the direction of the hallway near Ben’s room, but by the time she turned her head, there was no one there. Feeling she must have imagined it, Rey would have liked to think she had elicited that sound from Ben himself. She rather doubted, though, that he would bring her a meal and then hide in the hall to catch her reaction.

It should not surprise her that he planned to spend little time with her. After all, Ben had acquired her for his life, not invited her into it. Still, she would be lying if she did not acknowledge that _it hurt._  

BB-8 and BB-9E took that opportunity to roll into the room with a tall, smiling older woman and several uniformed assistants following closely behind.

Despite the presence of another human, Rey looked down at the droids, knowing that one of them would announce the plans with which she would be expected to fall in line.

“Miss Rey,” BB-9E intoned, “this is the renowned designer Mistress Antrella Darwell of the Ancient House of Darwell. She and her team have been commissioned by the Supreme Leader to clothe you.”

Rey looked on in confusion. “Clothe me?” she repeated.

“Yes, ma’am,” BB-9E confirmed. “Your wardrobe is inadequate for the needs of a companion of the Supreme Leader.”

 _Ah._ Rey understood. Once a scavenger, always a scavenger. She would embarrass Ben.

Rey could feel her chin rise slightly. Her clothes might be functional and coarse, but they were hers. She had purchased a few items after Leia had added her to the Rebellion’s payroll. It was a meager earning, but it was the first time that she had ever earned anything other than dried portions for her work. Rey had been proud of it. Moreover, she refused to be reduced to a decorative item kept in the suite of the Supreme Leader, no more comfortable or useful than that cursed black sofa below stairs.

The coolly elegant Mistress Antrella looked up and down at Rey’s clothing as her assistants looked on with pity.

_Right._

Rey was ready to deliver the Supreme Leader a piece of her mind. Preferably tied up with one of Mistress Antrella’s bows.

“9E, where _exactly_ is the Supreme Leader _at this moment_?” Rey forced out through gritted teeth.

9E answered with characteristic, efficient swiftness. “The Supreme Leader is in his morning briefing. He will be occupied there for the next thirty-seven standard minutes.”

Rey gave a small nod. “I see. And where _is_ the morning briefing?”

“In the primary conference room two floors directly below this one.” BB-9E studied her with that shrewd digital eye. “However, you may not interrupt the proceedings, Miss Rey. You are barred from the administrative and combat readiness floors of the ship,” she chirped.

BB-8 gave a disappointed sound and turned his dome away from Rey as if to hide his discomfort with the restrictions Rey had been given.

Rey’s eyes narrowed on the single red oculus of the black droid. “Was this a directive given by the Supreme Leader?”

“Yes, ma’am,” 9E confirmed. “Mistress Antrella was flown in from Coruscant last night and has been engaged for the next two standard hours only before she must return to her planet.”

At that point, the Coruscanti seamstress spoke up in a kind voice. “I understand that my arrival is unexpected, Miss Rey, but if we may be allowed to take some simple measurements, we can be on our way in a matter of minutes. I also believe that the ready-made garments that we brought with us at the Supreme Leader’s behest will be adequate until your new wardrobe is completed.”

Mistress Antrella’s mouth turned up slightly and she leaned forward as if to share a secret, her eyes sparkling. “If I may say so, ma’am, the Supreme Leader’s description of you was _spot on_.”

She had expected a haughty, unpleasant woman who would disdain her clothes and her undefined place in the home of the Supreme Leader of the galaxy as her assistants so clearly had. Rey was a taken aback at the kindness of Mistress Antrella.

Rey could feel her shoulders sink as she surrendered to the process. After all, Rey thought, it was not Antrella’s fault that Ben meant to keep her as a well-dressed prisoner. She did not want to cause problems for the designer, nor did she want to take up more of the woman’s time than was necessary after she had traveled so far to perform the job Ben had engaged her to complete. It’s not like Antrella could refuse Ben. Given the hour, it was also likely that Ben Solo had hauled the woman and her team out of their beds in the middle of the night.

Rey swallowed tightly and returned the older woman’s smile with a small one of her own, suddenly uncomfortable being the focus of so many eyes.

Antrella must have sensed Rey’s acquiescence and her discomfort because she turned to take several packages and garment bags from her team and then shooed them from the room with a chorus of sighs and eye rolls. The droids were also scooted out to the disappointed chirping of both BB units.

“Finally, they are gone!” Antrella exclaimed. “If I didn’t need those ridiculous  _trash raptors_ so much to complete my orders, at least half of them would have been kicked from my balconies to the very lowest levels of Coruscant! Most of them come from wealthy families with more money than sense or kindness. I apologize for their rudeness. If it helps, they look at everyone that way.”

Antrella carried her parcels toward a nearby room and then called over her shoulder, “Will you come along now, miss? I do hope you will call me Trella. All my closest friends call me Trella. I think that you and I will work well together.”

Rey followed her, stunned at the change in demeanor. “I would be happy to call you Trella if you will please call me Rey. I’m not sure I could remember to answer to ‘Miss Rey.’”

Trella smiled at her. “Very well, but only when we are alone. I’m afraid that Ben Solo would not be very happy with me if I went around calling his lady by her first name when you are in public.”

Rey could feel her jaw drop slightly. _Trella knew the Supreme Leader as Ben Solo._

Before Rey could even get out the question, Trella answered her with another smile. “I have known Ben Solo since he was a small boy trailing his mother around the Senate. I have been Leia’s designer and dear friend for many years. Anything you may have seen her wearing is one of mine. Leia is nothing if not loyal.”

Rey was once again stunned by the fascinating woman before her who was an intimate friend of both remaining members of the Solo family. “But…”

Trella took pity on her. “How have I maintained relationships with a mother and son who are on opposite sides of a war?”

Rey nodded, her eyes glued to Trella’s. “I have told them many times that fashion transcends politics. They would always laugh at me, both so much alike, but they would also always ask about the other. Not overtly, mind you, but in subtle ways.” The sparkle in Trella’s eye faded as she considered the state of affairs between Leia Organa Solo and her son. “They are both so stubborn.”

Rey nodded, wondering how much of the truth of their relationship Trella knew.

“Let us get started, shall we?” Trella changed the subject, her smile overly bright. Rey decided that she likely knew more than she wished to know about the Solos. She clearly hurt on behalf of her friends. Rey knew that feeling well.

“What do we do first?”

Trella stepped forward, lifting Rey’s arms and looked her up and down once again. Taking out a small electronic device, she scanned Rey’s form, front and back, making slight adjustments to the measurements that appeared on the screen along with notes on Rey’s hair and eye color.

“Well, your measurements are done. That was the easy part. Now... _you ask me what it was that Ben Solo said about you._ ”

Rey had forgotten Trella’s earlier comment. Well, maybe “forgotten” was not the truth. She had been scared to hear how Ben had described her to his old family friend.

“You are Ben’s friend, Trella. Perhaps you should not share his confidences,” Rey told her carefully, though now dying of curiosity.

Trella chuckled a low, melodic sound. “You aren’t _at all_ curious how the most handsome, most powerful, most eligible man-slash-prince in the galaxy described _you_?”

Sometimes Rey could allow herself to forget that Ben was a prince. With everything else he was and had been, including Supreme Leader of the First Order, for some reason the scared, underfed and dirty little girl of Jakku, who still lived just under her skin, could not seem to let go of the royal blood flowing through Ben’s veins.

Ben’s destiny should be in no way linked to hers. Maybe they both had it all wrong. Dreams weren’t predictions after all. The Force had been wrong before, hadn’t it?

_What was Ben Solo doing with her?_

She had nothing to offer him. Other than her newly found Force powers, she was unremarkable. _Ordinary._ Ben already had everything at his fingertips. He could demand anything in the galaxy and it would be his. He had demonstrated that fact to Rey on Hoth in the plainest terms possible. Rey would not flatter herself that she was anything other than a novelty. A means to an end. She fit into his agenda. She was a mark on a list.

Rey’s gaze dropped to her feet before lifting again to meet the waiting eyes of Trella. Trella stepped in close, putting a motherly arm around her shoulders.

“Rey… _dear_ …,” Trella began gently. Knowingly _._ Softly. “Ben said that I was to come immediately and dress the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. He said that he would pay me anything I asked to cancel all the rest of my clients for as long as it took to design you the most glorious wardrobe of any woman in this galaxy or the next. He said that once I saw your smile and got to know you, the famed Last Jedi, that you would be the muse by which all other customers would forever be measured.”

Trella turned Rey toward her, grasping both shoulders between her hands and dipping low to catch Rey’s eyes. “He said, Rey, that you were ‘ _a rare bloom in an endless barren desert.”_

Rey’s eyes filled with tears. She met Trella’s gaze, carefully probing her mind for any hint of embellishment or subterfuge in sharing Ben’s words, shaken to her core. She found nothing in Trella's mind but the truth.

The breath caught in her throat and a solitary tear trailed down her face, ducking under her jaw to meet the linen of her worn tunic.

 _There is was._ That one small ember Rey had thought gone forever after the battle of Crait and the events on Hoth. The thing that she had longed for when Ben had cruelly set her aside in the lift the day before. 

_Hope._

Trella hummed in understanding, far from finished sharing her confidences with Rey. “I have known Ben for many years. For the last decade or so, the young man I had known had been hardened into kyber by a cruel master and a broken family. I thought I would never see that precious boy again. And yet, last night…there he was.

‘I don’t know any more about you than what I have read on the holoweb, Rey of Jakku, but in a career of creating beautiful things for countless women who were often deeply loved by the men in their lives, I have _never_ heard a single one of those men speak of a woman the way Ben spoke of you.”

Trella wrapped Rey in a comforting hug when she saw more tears trail down Rey’s cheeks. “Had you not been the lovely, spunky, humble woman you have shown me today, you would still always have my friendship. Now, having met you, having seen that you care for Ben but will never allow him to walk all over you or set you aside, I am dazzled. Ben was entirely right about you. _You are a gift._ An answer to a long-held prayer. To me, and I suspect to Leia as well, Rey,  _you are a genuine miracle of the Force_.”

Rey let out a small sob, her hand covering her mouth to hold in the emotions. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. “I have never meant anything to anyone. I have always been…alone.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Trella whispered back. “Just promise me you won’t give up and that you won't ever tell Ben Solo that I shared his words with you.”

“Why _did_ you?” Rey wondered, curious at the woman’s motives in betraying Ben’s trust. “Because I know that you risked torture and death by Snoke to come for him. While you may tell yourself that it was to save the Resistance, and that may be true, I can also see how deeply you love him.”

Rey stepped back to wrap her arms around herself, laid bare by the truth. Rey looked wildly around the dressing room, trying to find a place to hide from the frankness of her new friend’s words.

Trella reached out to grab Rey’s hand. “There are few people in this galaxy of whom more has been demanded in sacrifice than Ben Solo even with the privileges, power, and wealth with which he was born. It always pained me to think that there seemed to be no one in the galaxy who would belong only to him. His parents loved him deeply, but Ben has always been lonely, even in rooms full of people.

‘No matter what Ben has done, Rey, misguided though Force knows he sometimes has been, he has the heart of a warrior. He _loves_ very deeply or he could never _hurt_ so deeply. And I believe very much that he wants to love you but does not know how to let himself do it.”

Trella’s voice turned hard and deliberate, reminding her very much of Maz Kanata’s advice to her on Takodana. “You have the heart of a warrior as well. You are his match, Rey of Jakku. _Fight for him_.”

“I don’t know how to reach him, Trella,” Rey choked, her voice trembling with emotion. “I have never had anyone to lose. I want him so much…I know the man that lies beneath. I want to make him happy… _but I don’t know where to begin._ He is so angry with me for not staying with him after we defeated Snoke. I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive me for that. And I…” Rey looked down helplessly at herself, gesturing to the sad garments she wore, so far from _being the outward match to Ben’s lush, dark beauty._

 _“Ah, my dear._  So you need weapons with which to go into battle? That is _exactly_ why I am here.” Trella turned to one of the hanging bags that she had brought for Rey. Opening the package with a flourish, she pulled out a moss green gossamer gown finer than anything Rey had ever seen.

Rey gasped with delight at Trella’s exquisite handiwork, finding her first signature smile, all flashing gleam and brilliance, in too many days.

“I cannot tell you dear one, what strategy to use to win Ben Solo. You will need to find that path on your own. But armor?” Trella said, a devilish gleam in her gray eyes. “ _That, I can give you. It's my specialty!_ ”

Rey gave herself over to the nimble hands of Trella Darwell.

 _I am coming for you, Ben Solo,_ Rey thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my...I do hope you came back, dear friends! The last several weeks have been challenging for a lot of reasons. One of those reasons was that I had to map out where this story was going. I lost the thread of it a bit and had to reach out to grab it again. I am so sorry to have made you wait so long! Thank you for being patient and sticking with me and Humility.
> 
> What did you think of Trella? When does our tall, dark, beloved knucklehead realize that he loves Rey? It's going to be a bumpy road and that outsized ego that allows him to believe that he can control the biggest love story the galaxy has ever seen is going to be knocked down a peg or two. Buckle your seatbelts for the leap to hyperspace! :)


	11. Nobility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is distracted by the thought of Rey and then by the reality of her, but his pride is still not ready to surrender to the woman who betrayed him.

Ben

 

Ben was sitting at his massive desk eating a quick meal while three assistants and two generals updated him on the events of the last few days across the galaxy. He had been in six mind-numbing meetings since leaving the suite that morning and the day was only half over.

He wished he could state that he had given his full attention to his duties of the day, but that would be a lie.

And Ben abhorred lies and liars.

Ben had spent the day distracted by the image of Rey being pampered and spoiled by the skilled hands of his Aunt Trella. He could not quite describe all the reasons he wanted to see her dressed in the finest that the galaxy had to offer, but it had felt like a necessity.

Trella was the right person for the job. Her family had been in the business of dressing the galaxy’s elite citizens for hundreds of years. Trella had styled herself his aunt when he was a bored little boy waiting for his mother’s Senate meetings to end so that he could go and play. She had always hidden sweets for him in her pocket and had become one of his mother’s dearest friends.   

Once Ben had stooped so far as to ask about her when Trella was fitting one of his endless supply of black uniforms. Trella had only looked at him, several pins in her mouth, and lifted one elegant eyebrow. It had been the last time he had verbalized his curiosity.

Now, of course, he knew how his mother was. _Frail_. Tortured by his torture. At loose ends. All the things Ben wanted, _right?_

Ben set that thought aside. If he was lucky, he could continue to set that thought aside for some time to come.

BB-9E had rolled in earlier to provide him with his schedule for the remainder of the day cycle and inform him that Rey had insisted on ten standard minutes of his time before his next meeting. Unwilling to show the First Order staff around him any emotion regarding Rey’s demand, Ben had simply given 9E a curt nod and returned his attention to the datapad to his left as if the pending interruption was unimportant.

He swallowed hard.

Now that he had Rey here, he was uncertain how to proceed. Ben couldn’t remember being uncertain about his destiny at any point since he had come to the Order. He wasn’t sure why, after months of scorching and wondrous dreams starring Rey and the family they would create together, he hesitated to make her his as the Force had decreed.

He supposed that it had been the moment last evening when he had found her asleep in the main living room of the suite curled up under her flimsy cloak on that terrible sofa. Ben had watched her for several moments, unable to erase the image of her as a child, tiny, cold and alone in a vast desert of predators and opportunists.

And there she was _again_. In a wasteland of predators and opportunists. A place _he_ had brought her. The guilt and shame had nearly flayed the skin from his body and brought him to his knees.

He had lifted her carefully in his arms, wrapping his cloak around her before heading for the stairs and his room. Ben had tried hard not to wake her, using the Force to lull his lovely burden back to sleep after she had stirred, surprised to find herself in his arms.  

She had felt weightless to him last night, just as she did the first time he had borne her in his arms. Rey was tiny but no less strong. Her Force signature was a thing of gold-limned beauty. She had dazzled him.  

Ben remembered what he had promised his mother before leaving the base on Hoth. He had promised to treat Rey with respect. Yet in the first minutes of her new life with him he had treated her cruelly in front of his staff, punished her with kisses for confirming for his staff their depraved assumptions that, at best, she was nothing more than a broodmare, and at worst, his low-born desert whore. Then he had abandoned her to her own devices, offering no tour. No refreshment or respite from her journey.

Leia Organa Solo would have slapped his face and Ben would have deserved it.

Yet Rey had never complained about her treatment. When she thought he was in danger she had sought to defend him with nothing more than her small hands and her undeveloped knowledge of the Force.

A troubling thought crept in that Rey had been right.

 _Perhaps he_ was _a monster._

Instantly, Ben recoiled, his back straightening, his lips curling in distaste and bitter disappointment. Every feeling rebelled at _that word_ Rey had used with blistering anger. The echo still bore an acute, acid sting, like a tincture of salt and citrus.

He could not be proud of all things he had done, but he refused to cheapen his abuse at the hands of Skywalker and Snoke or the neglect of his well-meaning parents.

Ben’s well-trained and heavily armored ego snapped back into its place with a vengeance.

 _He was the Supreme Leader._ He ruled the galaxy. It was not for Ben to make room in his life for Rey. She would find her place as his subject. Whether her title was wife or concubine mattered little. She would be like anything else he had conquered. He would not concern himself with easing her way for the sake of empty and unfulfilled sentiment.

Ben took a deep breath, in command of his resolve again. That resolve lasted for exactly twenty-seven seconds before Rey walked in the door.

He felt as if he had been hit by a blaster bolt, the pain in his chest swamping him. Ben could feel himself gulp for air with the desperate pressure of a man who had been submerged for far too long without hope of breaking the surface to absorb the sweet relief of Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Hydrogen.

He heard at least one of the assistants present in the room gasp in the same surprised fashion. Apparently, that man was as unable to account for the sudden entrance of this angel of the Force, transformed from ordinary and coarse scavenger to the enchantress before them.

Rey drifted forward, her slippered feet silent as she crossed the durasteel to the sumptuous rug surrounding Ben’s desk. Her hands were clasped demurely in front of her as she awaited an acknowledgment from him.

She was dressed in a silky moss green gown embroidered with small trailing vines across the square hem and up one side to reach tenderly across the petite perfection of her breasts. A cape of the same color perched delicately on her shoulders like two birds who had just alighted in a primeval forest, billowing behind her, proclaiming Rey’s natural nobility without the need of cumbersome titles or exalted bloodlines.

Her hair was pulled up at the sides, braided at an angle near the natural part, no doubt Trella’s attempt to remind him who he was and what was expected of him. It was a traditional Alderaanian style. One that any prospective bridegroom or husband would consider his honor to weave into the hair of his beloved.

Someone had added a careful dusting of cosmetics, never overwhelming the perfection of her features, but accenting the feline turn of her eyes, her small, pert nose, and her delicate but lush lips. The mica and ground minerals caught the glow of the recessed lighting above and the overall effect made her eyes seem a bottomless pool of golden green.

Rey was perfect.   

Ben probed carefully, anxious for her thoughts. Did she enjoy the effects of so many hours with Trella? Did she feel as beautiful as she looked?

_Ah, she is recalling my demand for her silence._

The guilt stirred in his breast once again. Ben obliterated it with ruthless efficiency.

“Rey,” Ben began, controlling the intonations and inflections of his voice and words. “I am told that you wished to see me.”

Instead of answering, Rey simply nodded her head. That action drew his attention as the remaining fall of her hair swayed and bobbed.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Rey answered with the melodic cadence he enjoyed.

“And?” Ben asked with studied disinterest. “I am very busy. As you can see.”

Rey’s lips quivered slightly, the only indication that his clipped tone and bored attitude hurt her.

“I have come to find out what tasks I have been assigned.” Rey waited expectantly, her hands still clasped in front of her.

“Tasks?” Ben repeated, confused by her request.

Rey nodded slightly, causing her floral scent to drift across the desk toward him and dull his senses.

“Yes. _My duties_. The work I will do here from now on.”

 _Ben’s brows drew together in a frown. “You have none.” With that, Ben gestured to the generals and_ assistants, content to dismiss his equal in the Force without words.

For just a moment, Rey’s shoulders drooped perceptibly before her pride pushed them backward again. Without further comment, she turned on her heel and moved slowly to the door. Ben had the sense that she was counting her steps carefully, determined not to stalk away, holding herself rigidly lest she lose her composure in front of him and his staff.

Ben would allow Rey to be a pleasant addition to his life in public. Just as soon as he stopped being furious with her for her defection after the throne room battle. He simply had no idea when that would be. In the meantime, he decided, he would try as much as their past would allow him to maintain the semblance of an emotional connection with her.

Ben could not resist accessing their bond to send her a small, tender message. A consolation prize after his rejection of her help and an identity within the galactic government.

_Rey?_

Ben could feel her acknowledge their connection, but he could also feel her hurt and feelings of rejection drift back to him. He could feel through their bond that she did not want to gift him with her attention, but that she was resigned to hear him anyway. An inconvenient imbalance of their mingled energies.

Ben let out a measured breath, appearing to his staff to be considering some matter of state, though those were the last things on his mind. 

_Rey…you are breathtaking._

Ben waited, uncertain of her response, but hoping for an answer. He was sure that flattery would work as a balm to soothe her wounded pride after the harshness of his words. Minutes passed while Ben awaited acceptance of his compliment. Instead, as his meetings carried on, he found no credit given for his attempts at an apology. No joyful anticipation from her of the next time they would be together.

There was simply silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Ben is so fascinating to me. He is so conflicted between his natural attraction and affection for Rey and the defense mechanisms that he has used for so long to try and protect his heart and his psyche. The thing that scares him most? Letting himself really love Rey. Of all the struggles for power, this one risks more than he has ever done. Rey, on the other hand, expects to scale the high walls of Ben Solo's heart. She doesn't expect it to be easy and she doesn't expect it to be fast. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when he blocks her out. We'll hear more about that from our heroine in the next chapter where she will find some purpose for herself when Ben refuses to give it to her.
> 
> What did you think of this chapter? Please, please provide some feedback on the story so far. I promise that the beginning chapters have a purpose and I promise that Ben will not be able to fend off Rey's gentle attack forever. Please stick with me! :) Thank you, dear readers! I look forward to our interactions.


	12. Led

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is hurt and angry at Ben's dismissal of her request for a job but decides that she doesn't need the Supreme Leader's permission to help him. Coming to her rescue when she needs it, we finally see Ben Solo grow just a little.

Rey

 

Rey didn’t know why she thought that carrying her to bed or wearing the clothes Ben had provided would make any difference to him today.

While she left his office, she had counted out the steps in her head, drawing in deep measured breaths and making certain to maintain the appearance of serenity while Ben and his staff watched her go.

Rey was anything but serene. She longed for a functioning lightsaber so that she could take out her frustrations on that hideously uncomfortable sofa in the room just beyond Ben’s office. She VERY much wanted to do something some serious harm. It was un-Jedi-like, but Ben Solo always engendered strong emotions in her.

Besides, she wasn’t a Jedi. Not really. She had made peace with the idea that she never wanted to be one. Jedi did not have emotional connections to others. She refused to relinquish the last bit of her humanity to an ancient religion that had caused as much harm as good. She did not believe that the Force would choose one of its aspects over another. Light and Dark were dependent on one another.

Once clear of the Supreme Leader’s office, Rey gave in to her churning emotions and stalked to the main portal of the suite. 9-E and BB-8 came rolling up, 9-E demanding to know where she intended to go.

Rey reminded herself for the tenth time that day that 9-E was a machine and not a person. While programmed to “feel” the full spectrum of human emotions, or at least some approximation of them, she was still metal and wires.

“I am going to see what I can do to be of use on this ship. Which floors am I _allowed_ to access?’

BB-9E’s head slid back on the ball as she studied Rey. Whatever she scanned must have satisfied her that Rey would not be moved from this goal.

“You are allowed in the private dining facilities of the culinary floors, the health and leisure floors, the infirmary wing, and, well…the sanitation floors…which would not be strictly appropriate, but there is no perceived security threat that you could pose to those areas.”

Rey counted backward from 100, her lips pursed in frustration at the idea that unarmed and without contacts that she could or would pose any kind of threat to the massive ship.

“The infirmary,” Rey stated. “Please escort me to the infirmary.”

9E made a small beep of puzzlement. “Are you ill, Miss Rey? I can assess your temperature and ask a med droid to be sent up.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “No, I am not ill. I am going to visit those on the ship who are ill. Surely you must have some Stormtroopers who have been injured or become ill in the line of duty? I suspect they could use some company.”

BB-8 gave some beeps of agreement and volunteered to go along with her while 9E was still puzzling out why someone would wish to do such a thing. Apparently, the First Order did not seek to offer comfort to even its ill and injured. That should come as no surprise. Rey was certain that the First Order leadership superstructure would regard those circumstances as an inconvenient a sign of weakness among its drones.

Except, Rey knew differently. She knew that under those masks were real men and women who were doing a thankless job. She knew that they were not in control of their destinies.

The least she could do is offer them some kind words and comfort when they had no one else. She knew everything there was to know about having no one.

BB-9E finally computed that her decision must be harmless enough because she rolled out of the way and watched as BB-8 and Rey moved to the corridor where War and another Deathtrooper were stationed.

“Ma’am,” War began uncertainly. “I was unaware that you required an escort.”

Rey turned a sardonic brow on the massive warrior. “So was I.”

He looked confused, but Rey was not going to enlighten him. Instead, she replied, “I am making an unscheduled visit to the ship’s infirmary to visit the sick and injured.”

Now War looked positively taken aback. “Is the Supreme Leader aware of this?”

Rey chose to fib a little. “BB-9E is informing him even now.” Rey _assumed_ that was true. She had a feeling that 9E would be taking it upon herself to inform her master of any and every move she made. It wasn’t that Rey thought the droid didn’t like her. It simply had not occurred to 9E that there would be feelings and subtleties involved in the action that might cause trouble for the humans she served. Besides, if 9-E could unbend her circuits enough to appreciate BB-8, she was a friend to Rey.

“Very well, ma’am. Please allow me to introduce you to my lieutenant. He is known as Vengeance. He will escort you to the infirmary and remain with you for the duration.”

Rey refrained from rolling her eyes at the idea that she needed an escort, instead turning to the man with the intimidating moniker.   

“Lieutenant Vengeance,” Rey began, trying not to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the Deathtroopers’ code names. They all looked like walking mountains. Did they really need these menacing names to scare people? Apparently so.  “I appreciate your assistance. Though I hope you do not have much scheduled this afternoon. I may be there for some time.”

Vengeance might feast on the souls of his departed enemies for breakfast, but he was also possessed of two laughing blue eyes and a short crop of red hair that curled slightly at the ends.

“It is a pleasure to serve you, ma’am. I am happy to remain by your side for the duration of your visits. If you would be willing to wait just a few moments, I will have an advance team sweep that area and prepare the staff for your arrival.” The man turned to do just that, but Rey stopped him.

“No, thank you. I would prefer to make my visit go as unnoticed as possible. If they are not aware that I am coming, then there can be no danger to that area. I would prefer to slip in and out quietly, lieutenant.”

Vengeance raised an eyebrow, obviously doubting that she could go anywhere on the ship without more than a little comment. She studiously ignored his reaction and began to move toward the lift where just yesterday Ben Solo had kissed the boots off her feet.

Vengeance fell into step beside her, reaching out to call the lift and taking the safety off his blaster. The pair rode through the ship in silence, though Rey could feel the man studying her with curiosity.

“Ma’am,” Vengeance began with some hesitation as the lift doors opened to the infirmary, “please keep in mind that the staff and patients in the infirmary may not know what to…err… _make_ of your visit.”

Rey nodded her head a single time, reminding herself of Leia. “I understand. I expect that they will all be surprised that the Supreme Leader’s skinny, murderous whore wants to talk to them and assure herself that they are being treated as well as possible.”

Vengeance swallowed the words he was about to say, and instead began to cough as he choked on his own saliva. “Ma’am…” Vengeance told her, the look on his red face a mixture of sympathy and earnestness, “not everyone …um…believes that of you…that you’re…”

Rey stopped to look up at the guard. “It’s all right. You don’t need to say anything else. I appreciate that you have treated me with respect. I am well aware that I am a…controversial figure. I’ll be fine.”

Vengeance simply nodded and looked around the light hall for any signs of danger before leading her to a central medical station where a trio of technicians and their supervisor stared at her with mistrust and disapproval when she asked them for a tour of the wards.

“I’m afraid…ahem… _ma’am_ …” the supervisor, a woman with a sharp white uniform and even sharper voice, stated, “you would need the _permission_ of the Council of Physicians, as well as any number of officers to _fraternize_ with the patients here. Moreover, I cannot imagine that the Supreme Leader would allow someone of _your_ -”   

Rey could feel the heat rise in her cheeks at the disdain and implications in those words. Rey was just about to speak when a deep voice behind her rang out in the space.

“Is there a problem?” a familiar, graveled voice interrupted. That voice always did things to her.

The unit supervisor and her minions jumped to attention as the Supreme Leader strode into the area, his eyes narrowed on the woman, daring her to continue her poorly-veiled insults toward Rey.

“Supreme Leader!” she squeaked. “ _No, sir._ There’s no problem at all.”

Ben leaned on the high countertop of the tech station, his gloved hands creaking as Ben’s long fingers meshed together expectantly. Speaking to Rey, but never taking his harsh gaze off the supervisor and medical technicians, Ben inquired softly, “Are you ready for our tour, Sweetheart? I apologize for being late. I had an urgent matter that needed my attention.”

Rey closed her eyes for a moment, allowing the relief of his rescue to wash over her. Ben Solo might be angry with her and unwilling to let her in, but he was also apparently unwilling to allow anyone on the ship to treat her with anything other than respect.

Well, perhaps respect wasn’t quite the right word.

Tolerance. _Deference._

Rey had no idea how she was going to endure it. She would rather have respect than deference.

Rey picked up the thread of Ben’s ruse, not looking at the women before her. “No need to apologize, Supreme Leader. I was content to wait for you.” She gave him a small, grateful smile.

Ben nodded, reaching out to take her hand and draw her toward his side. Turning to the supervisor, he instructed her simply, “You will give my fiancee and me a tour.”

The woman’s eyes grew wide, but she nodded hastily and practically leaped around the desk to lead them down the halls.

Vengeance stepped back, a small, tight smirk on his face as he fell back into his role as bodyguard.

The supervisor proudly showed them around the state-of-the-art facility, pointing out every new piece of technology and information about how many troops they could treat at one time or their biggest success stories thus far.

Behind Ben, Rey, and their security, a crowd of other care personnel had joined the group, including physicians who had come immediately when word had gotten out that the Supreme Leader had taken an interest in their facilities. Everyone jockeyed for position, pulling rank and demanding a space nearer to their leader.  

Amidst all of that, Rey was bored out of her mind. This was not what she had wanted when she had come to the infirmary. It had become a circus. And she knew that Ben would likely hold against her the waste of his valuable time in chasing after her.

The supervisor finally walked them to an area where several Stormtroopers who had been injured during the battle on Crait convalesced.    

At the sight of the Supreme Leader and his infamous lady, more than one of them attempted to get out of bed to stand at attention. Ben raised a hand and ordered them to remain where they were.  

_Well, you are here, Rey. What was it that you wanted to know about the patients here?_

Rey heard Ben’s words in her head almost as if he had spoken them out loud. At times, their Force bond could be very convenient. She appreciated not needing to respond and explain herself in front of a hostile and nosy crowd.

_Since you refused to give me work to do, I decided to investigate the sectors in which I may be useful. When 9E told me that I was authorized to be here, it seemed my time might be best spent assuring that the sick and injured of the First Order have been properly cared for and know that their Supreme Leader cares about the conditions of their lives._

Ben glanced down at her for a moment before looking around the room again. _Rey,_ Ben stated with some exasperation, _I am sorry to tell you this, but I have never once in my life worried about the living or working conditions of the Stormtroopers other than to lament that Snoke did not order Hux to use an endless supply of clones when fighting the Resistance._

Rey could not prevent herself from cringing slightly before responding. _Yes, Ben, but that was yesterday._

_Why should the day matter, Sweetheart?_

Rey let out a small breath before responding.

_I wasn’t here yesterday._

Ben’s hold on her hand tightened perceptibly as if the shock of her statement had entered his body and his nerve ends were having trouble absorbing the disruption of her words. Rey glanced up at him, suddenly conscious that they were having an entire conversation without the spoken word and that dozens of pairs of eyes were glued to them awaiting their next move.

 _No, love,_ Ben agreed, _you were not._ Ben let out a breath, seeming to come to a decision. And then… _What do we do next, Rey?_

_We talk to them._

Ben turned to dismiss the hangers-on behind them and waited until the tide of people had receded like flood waters back down the shiny corridor.

Turning to Rey once again, he said aloud, simply, “Show me.”

Ecstatic that Ben had thought to stop the moment from being a public relations event for use by the First Order propaganda machine, Rey pulled the Supreme Leader forward to meet the injured Stormtroopers. All of them were visibly nervous but eager to talk to Ben about their experiences.

At first, the interaction on both sides was stilted and polite, but as everyone, especially Ben got more comfortable, the Stormtroopers soon had their leader laughing and exchanging memories of prior battles. Rey wondered if anyone had ever asked them for an accounting of their experiences. She suspected it was good for the leader and the led.

At first, Rey had asked each man about their injuries and whether they felt everything possible had been done to see to their recoveries. The men had mixed reactions. It seemed there _was_ work to do with the care being received.

Rey was gratified when Ben removed a datapad from his billowing cloak to record some information from an injured captain for later use. She turned her head just in time to catch Vengeance smiling and shaking his head as he kept watch from the hall.

They stayed another two hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait...is that...is that Ben Solo getting reacquainted with the myriad ways he needs his sweet scavenger to help him be the leader and human being he was always meant to be? Why...I think...YES! I think it is! Grab your shades, my dear readers! Rey is determined to let the Light in and it might burn your retinas after so many chapters of darkness!
> 
> Comments on this chapter, PLEASE! I know more than one of you was concerned at the bullheaded actions of our favorite hero. Thoughts on the rescue of his girl on the infirmary level?


	13. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a job! 
> 
> Basically, my friends, the Supreme Leader's heart grew three sizes that day. We begin to see the Grinch soften just a bit.

Ben

BB-8 rolled into the suite ahead of them at speed as Ben and Rey stepped from the lift after their extended visit to the infirmary sectors of the ship.

The moment they were safely inside the doors again, BB-8 called out to a waiting BB-9E with amazed and cheerful chirps.

“Nine -y,” BB-8 gushed, “it turns out Rey is not a total disaster at diplomatic relations as you feared! The patients in the infirmary were all very excited to speak to Rey and the Supreme Leader. She has definitely improved his image!” 9E responded with her usual rapid formality and the two rolled down the hall together, BB-8 offering holoimages of Rey and Ben’s time with the troops.

Rey gave a sheepish little laugh, lowering her head to look at her feet. Ben looked at her with humor dancing in his dark eyes. “Perhaps it is time to do some reprogramming?”

“I think 9-E would be very disappointed. She seems to like him just as he is.” Rey suddenly met his eyes, her own seeming to communicate something to him. _Was she trying to say that she liked Ben just as he was?_

Before Ben could ponder that thought further, Rey pushed her shoulders back and let out a sigh. “We should probably get this over with, Ben.”

He could feel his dark eyebrows rise toward his hairline. “Get _what_ over with, Rey?”

“I know that you did not intend to spend your day chasing me around your infirmary, _Supreme Leader_. You made it very clear this morning that I have no place here. I left the suite against your wishes and –“

Ben straightened and crossed his arms over his considerable chest, interrupting her mid-sentence. “And brought to my attention that my medical staff thinks that my armies are disposable and provide substandard care because they feel like it. You disobeyed me. You caused a disruption that interrupted my work and threw my ship into chaos…”

Ben watched as Rey’s cheeks colored with embarrassment and censure. “Ben, I-“

He cut her off again before she attempted to apologize or explain further this strange compulsion to better the circumstances of people who had, only months ago, been actively trying to kill her and all those she cared about. “And you _will_ go back and do it all again tomorrow.”

Rey’s gaze shot up to his, her mouth falling open at his words. Ben could not prevent himself from the low chuckle that escaped him at the shock and puzzlement on her lovely face. “I did not like the things I heard or saw today. The medical division is given an ample budget, but the stories I heard from the troopers made me wonder where the credits are going. The armies have never been my specific responsibility until now and I dislike that would accept that I am no better than Armitage Hux.

‘You will be provided with a small staff and head up a committee to study the care being provided on this and all other ships in the armada. I will expect weekly reports on your findings including most common disease states, injuries, methods of treatment, equipment, nutrition, and recommendations for improvement. _Have I made myself clear?_ ”

Ben caught his breath as Rey’s full and trembling lips broke into an unconsciously seductive grin, her dimples winking at him. Ah, there were entire universes of temptation in those small but appealing depressions that appeared in her butter-smooth cheeks whenever Rey was happy.

_Gods but she was beautiful._

If things had been different, he would have swept her to the big desk chair in the office behind him, dragged her into his lap and plunged his hands into the bodice of that hypnotizing moss green gown.

_He longed to do that._

“Thank you!” Rey exclaimed with genuine joy as she bounced on the small toes encased in delicate slippers, her lithe form a study in unconscious grace and girlish excitement. “You won’t regret trusting me with this. I won’t fail you.”  With that, Rey leaned forward to kiss the lower edge of his jaw, just in the spot where her saber had flayed him open. His girl lingered there for a moment, the jagged mark tingling and warm where her smooth lips had been.

It felt like an apology he had not known he had been waiting to receive. _It felt like an invitation._

Swiftly, before she could step back from his personal space, Ben caught her around the waist and turned his head to capture her lips and in a searching kiss. He could feel Rey’s small body startle at the contact and then relax into his embrace. He could feel the instant she surrendered to the kiss and Ben praised her across their bond.

_That’s it, Sweetheart. Gods, you’re so sweet. Kiss me back._

Rey whimpered in response, her mouth moving in counterpoint to his. He could feel her raise her hands to plunge in his hair as she molded her lips to his, her small nails scraping his scalp as she drew the strands through her tiny fingers.

Ben groaned at the intimacy of her touch, pulling her tighter against his broad frame.

His tongue swept past her soft lips in passionate invasion before everything exploded in light as it had yesterday in the lift.  Ben deepened the kiss, nibbling on her lower lip as Rey pressed herself against him and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

After untold minutes of hungered kisses, Ben paused to allow them both oxygen for just a moment before sweeping in again to taste the warm cavern of her mouth. Rey tasted like sugar and citrus tea.

Basically, she was delicious and addictive. Ben wondered how the rest of her tasted. Pulling back to access the warm curve of her neck, Ben ran his tongue over the place where the blood rushed and pulsed strongly through her body, trailing his tongue down to the sexy curve of her collarbone. His tongue moved in deliberate swirling motions that spoke of carnalities they had yet to explore.

Rey moaned in appreciation and arousal, reinforcing every masculine cell in his body with anticipation. In return, she pulled his gaze back to her, her hands cupping his face, her thumbs brushing against the first indications of stubble on his cheeks. She began to kiss every plane, every feature that would be too much for any other face, but together somehow worked for him before returning to Ben’s mouth.

Their kisses, which had moments ago spoken so strongly of want, suddenly gentled with desperate and surprising tenderness. Ben settled her precious form back on the floor and reached up to cup her face between his hands as he continued to worry her lips with his own.

At that inopportune moment, the distinct and formal beeps of BB-9E notified Ben that they were not alone. Ben gazed deeply into Rey's eyes before placing a gentle kiss on her small nose. All he knew was that he was not ready to let Rey go. For the first time in more years than he could remember, Ben did not feel driven to work. His tasks felt a burden in comparison to sharing the gift of touch with his opposite in the Force.

BB-9E had come to scold him (and, by extension, Rey) for the backlog of meetings and changes to his schedule. Apparently, three First Order generals had been cooling their heels in the adjacent meeting space for nigh on two hours. Ben found he could not summon one tiny spark of regret for keeping them waiting all day. It had been an important lesson in the things that he had been neglecting and neglect was a dangerous thing. 

Rey stepped back from him. Ordinarily, just yesterday, in fact, Ben would have turned without another word and strode to his meeting to continue with the business of running an empire. Today…today he had been reminded of his own humanity by one small woman who was determined to be useful to others even if they hated and ridiculed her for it.

Ben felt unworthy but determined to keep Rey within his sphere. When she would have turned, he kept her small hand in his large one, entwining his fingers with hers.

“Will you join me for the evening meal later?” Ben asked her quietly.

Rey gave him a shy smile, a lovely blush creeping up on her cheeks. “If I can locate the dining room, I will.”

Ben chuckled. _Touche._ No one had given her a tour. He would rectify that after dinner. Pointing down the hall to his right, he told her, “The second portal on the left, Sweetheart.”

Rey laughed, too, and Ben felt like a trillion credits just from having caused the sweet sound.

Looking down at his droid, he gave 9-E important instructions. “Take Rey to the library, 9-E and instruct the culinary droids to serve her a proper Alderaanian afternoon tea.”

BB-9E, who had never been expected to act in the role of Ben’s butler, stared up at him for a moment, nonplussed. Or as nonplussed as a droid could be. Nonetheless, she rushed to do his bidding and Ben had the pleasure of watching Rey’s pert backside move under the liquid fabric of her gown as she went to discover his library. He had a feeling she would love it as much as he did. It was his only true refuge on the ship.

As Ben moved toward the conference room where the generals waited impatiently for his counsel, Ben could feel their anger. It was not directed toward him. No, they did not like the idea of his _Resistance whore_ meddling in the operations aboard the _Finalizer_.   

Ben would be happy to correct their perspective on the matter. _He would Force-choke them if he had to._

He might not yet be ready to trust Rey completely as he had once been, but something was different now. Something small and indefinable to him, but it was there. Ben would not ignore it.

 _In the meantime, no one would hurt or insult his girl._ Not if they enjoyed the sensation of regular breathing.

Ben whistled to himself, his step suddenly lighter, as he strode into the conference space.

“Generals,” Ben began with false cheer, “I would like to know who is responsible for the deplorable conditions I witnessed today in the infirmary? Who among you has the data on exactly where the funds allocated for the care of _my armies_ have been dispersed?”

Ben wished that Rey had been there to see their faces. _Interesting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you VERY much for being patient with me! I have been quite busy in the lead up to the Christmas holiday. Whatever you celebrate, I hope that you are able to do it with the people you care about the most and who most care about you!
> 
> What do we think about Rey's job? How about the progress that Ben has made today? Things are going well, so we'll get to see Rey's point of view next. We are working our way toward an emotional and physical relationship for our favorite space duo. And don't forget...at some point in the story, Rey gets to ask Ben for one thing. I wonder what that will be?
> 
> Please, please leave me some comments on this chapter! It is so gratifying and motivating to interact with you. I thank you all for the comments and kudos. If you are looking for a complete, fluffy Reylo fic for the holiday break, I hope you will visit (or revisit) my first fic, Sunlight & This! Wishing you all the best!


	14. Mercies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey demonstrates her commitment to Ben and the needs of the First Order. As often happens when one is on a mission of mercy, Rey's kindness does not go unpunished. Not to worry, Ben Solo shows up and he.is.pissed.

Shortly after the afternoon meal break had begun the next day for several thousand Stormtroopers and other staff of the _Finalizer_ , Rey swept into the main dining hall, Titan at her heels, eager to get a look at what the worker bees on the ship were fed to fuel their work.

Rey had spent the morning being toured around the executive culinary suites on the same level, shown every kind of delicacy from across the galaxy, offered countless samples of nauseatingly rich foods and listened patiently as officers and chefs waxed eloquent about the quality and superiority of the cuisine on board the ship.

_It had bored Rey nearly out of her mind._

A repeat of the simpering and toadying of the day before, the officers had been standing around as if they had known she might be coming and wanted to be the first to show her around. At least, Rey reflected, Ben had not been forced to come and rescue her. Though several officers did ask when they might be expecting the Supreme Leader. She had almost felt sorry for them when she had explained that he was not likely to make an appearance.  

“Ma’am,” Titan inquired tentatively, looking around the enormous room, whispering as much as a man of his size could, “are you _sure_ you would not rather eat in one of the private dining rooms we already toured? The…uh…the afternoon meal is one of the only times that the crew is allowed to fraternize. They won’t take too kindly to that time being disrupted.”

The walking mountain looked around nervously, conscious, Rey supposed, that even with his considerable bulk, they were surrounded by approximately six thousand Stormtroopers being shuffled through their midday meal. If anything were to happen, Titan alone could not keep her safe from all of them.  

Rey might not have had the same formal training that Ben had, but she knew that she was powerful with the Force and that if the masses did turn on her, she could at least help the two of them escape the space. After all, six thousand Stormtroopers could not come through the portals all at once.

At least that’s what Rey told herself.

In fact, she had never felt the loss of her beautiful light saber as keenly as she did in this moment. The fact was, though, that if she did not experience circumstances on board Ben’s ship like one of the crew might, she would never know what needed to be changed or improved. Rey did not expect them to be happy that she was there. She doubted that any of them would do more than make ugly comments. The risk for punishment if Ben found out would not be worth the trouble.

At least Rey _hoped_ that was the case.

Plus, Rey was an expert on deflecting ugly comments. She had been hearing them from one person or another on Jakku for many years.  

“I am positive, Titan.” Rey could feel eyes on her from everywhere. The negative thoughts of hundreds of souls directed at her were as thick as fog, clouding her connection to the Force. The silence was only punctuated by the occasional sound of clanging pans and scraping spoons.

_Yes, the crew had most definitely noticed her presence._

Titan let out a sigh that caused the hair around her head to shift as if in a breeze.

Rey took pity on him. “I know you have been entrusted with my safety. I am not trying to make this hard for you. I know that I am not welcome. _Today._ And maybe not tomorrow, but I am determined to do it anyway. I cannot hide in Be-…that is... _the Supreme Leader’s_ suite for the rest of my life. I cannot help…I cannot _gain their trust_ if I don’t start here.”

The look on the big man’s face softened for just a moment as he continued to scan the room for danger. “Yes, ma’am. I will do what I can to prevent anyone from getting too close.”

Rey cringed. “Actually…I was _hoping_ that you might sit at a nearby table. I am concerned that the Stormtroopers will not talk to me about their lives if they are afraid of being…well… _beaten to a bloody pulp_.”

Titan met her eyes, his own looking alarmed. “ _No_. No way, _ma’am._ If the Supreme Leader finds out that I left your side for a moment in a room of thousands of Stormtroopers, Miss Rey, I will be demoted down to the bowels of this ship. If one hair on your head comes to harm, my life won’t be worth one plug credit.”

Rey sighed, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. “Titan. You can sit directly behind me. You will be able to overhear and see everything that goes on. If I get into trouble that I cannot get out of, I will call for you. And don’t forget, I _am_ a Force user and I have taken care of myself on a planet full of criminals and slave traders since I was _five years old_. If anything happens, I will not allow the Supreme Leader to punish you. _I promise_.”

Again, Titan let out a sigh like a wind tunnel. The man was not happy.

“Fine, ma’am. If you say so. I would just like it noted that I strongly objected to this unexpected and unscheduled visit to the Poison Factory. The moment…and I mean the _second_ that I think things are getting out of hand, I want your permission to throw you over my shoulder and _get the hells out of Hoth._ Are we agreed?”

Rey let out a small giggle at Titan’s words. “Yes. We are agreed.”

Titan nodded at her, his eyes sweeping the space continuously.

“Why did you call this place the Poison Factory?” Rey asked curiously, stepping forward in line to grab a tray stacked next to the food conveyor and set it in place. “Can I get you a tray?”

Titan let out a small huff that Rey would like to classify as a laugh, but that would be giving it too much credit. “No, thank you, ma’am. One of the perks of working for the Supreme Leader is that I don’t have to eat this _shi-_ …I mean _stuff_. The Poison Factory is a nickname that the troops gave it long before I was even born. Let’s just say that what is served here tastes about as good as it looks.”

At that, Rey was just in time to turn back to her moving tray to see a large hand reach out from under a low wall with a scooper to drop a glop of green stuff on her tray that splattered and sizzled. It smelled of sweet rot and strangely, dirty socks.

“Next!” shouted a disembodied voice from somewhere beyond the conveyor.

Rey could feel her gorge rising. She suddenly longed for the quaint and tasteless blessing of a quarter portion on Jakku.

_How was she going to eat this without becoming ill?_

Reaching for a utensil and a napkin, Rey straightened her shoulders and resolutely turned toward the scores of long tables lined up in row after row in the hangar-sized space.

After she took a few steps, Titan caught up to her, handing her a large bottle of water. “It’s better if you have it with sips of water,” he claimed. “At least that way you can swallow it without having to taste it.”

Rey gave an almost imperceptible nod as she looked for a place to be seated that already had a number of Stormtroopers with whom she could speak. As she found and approached a table and slid into the bench, a number of troopers frowned at her as they shoved the unappetizing green stuff into their mouths.

It was strange, Rey realized, to see so many Stormtroopers, who had up to this point been faceless drones of the First Order, without their helmets. There were as many humanoid species as there were stars in the galaxy. Every skin and hair color was represented in the masses, a melting pot of all the places the First Order had conquered and pillaged. Rey had the strange sensation that she was like these people. That her story was their story. It made her even more determined to help their circumstances.

If that meant enduring taunts and eating green goo to prove her sincerity in making a place here, Rey would do it. She would do it for the Stormtroopers and she would do it for Ben Solo because improving the lot of these people would improve the future for everyone in the galaxy. Most importantly and personally, she believed that their impression of Ben as a powerful but benevolent leader _would keep him safe._

It would keep the vision the Force had shown her safe. She wanted her children – _their children-_ to grow up in a peaceful galaxy.

Rey would keep her word to Ben and to Leia.

A small smile on her face, Rey looked down the table at angry and mistrustful faces staring at her. “Hello,” she said cheerfully. Half the group of men and women in white uniforms stared at her with undiluted hatred. The other half scoffed at her greeting and rolled their eyes before tucking into their meals.

Rey opened her water bottle and looked down at the steaming pile of green mess, preparing to work through some of it before attempting to start a conversation with anyone. If she were honest, she didn’t need anyone to tell her much. The congealing scoop of mystery food on her plate spoke for itself.

Or maybe it had… _howled?_ Mewled? Swayed in a breeze? Rey had no idea. Whatever it was, it was completely unrecognizable in its current state. She hoped its death had been humane. She hoped that it had been kept in adequate refrigeration.

Carefully, Rey took a bite.

The gag reflex was so overpowering that Rey’s eyes watered. She closed them, focusing on the Force and asking it… _no begging it_ …to help her swallow the rancid green mush. Carefully and surreptitiously she swirled it around her cheeks to try and dilute it with the water before giving a hard swallow.

Rey could feel every inch of the goo going down, her body in revolt as it fought to accept the “food.”

Cackles of laughter and snorts of derision rang out around her. From somewhere deeper in the hall, she heard a harsh voice yell, “Oy, there Jedi whore! How’s yer lunch?!”

The entire space dissolved into laughter.

Another trooper called out, “I bet it doesn’t taste as good as the Supreme Leader’s cock!”

The laughter renewed, stronger and more comments followed. The spoken and unspoken consensus seemed to be that she must not be a very talented whore and she had obviously been banished to the Poison Factory with the rest of the grunts.

One young woman nearby snuck a peek at her and said, “Ignore them, ma’am. Some of us think you are very brave for being here at all.”

Rey opened her eyes and nodded at her, a tight smile on her face. “Thank you.”

Titan leaned toward her from his seat behind her, “Ma’am,” he implored, “do you think it’s time to go?”

Rey shook her head, determined to follow through with her plans. “It’s fine, Titan. I’m fine.”

Carefully, she took another bite, fighting back her body’s reaction to the food, swallowing down the water and extra saliva produced by her sour meal. Rey was about to dive in for another bite in this test of endurance the First Order had the nerve to call lunch when she felt the wet smack of something on her cheek.

And then another. _And another._

Looking around, Rey saw several green bombs coming at her from all around. Rey could feel them hitting the delicate material of the clothing on her back and her front.

 _Trella’s beautiful work._ Rey was sorry that the crew of the _Finalizer_ had taken out their hatred for the Last Jedi on her new friend’s exquisite handiwork.

The sound in the room was deafening as the Stormtroopers chanted “Whore! Whore!” The echo caused a buzz in Rey’s ears and despite her determination to prevent them, hot tears of humiliation rose in her eyes.

As one particularly large sloppy missile found its mark in the middle of her forehead, causing an uproar of laughter and cheers, Rey steeled herself against showing a reaction.

Holding on to her dignity with all her considerable mental powers, Rey stood carefully, looking around at the angry and taunting faces. She lowered her eyes and gave the group a little bow. As she turned to leave the table, Rey heard the whiz of a utensil flying toward her just before it slammed into the side of her face, pricking at the skin of her cheekbone.

An open water bottle was chucked at her as well, hitting the back of her head with a dull thud, spraying liquid all over her hair and clothes. Rey was dimly aware that other arms had risen with similar intent, all the while taunts and laughter splitting the air.

Rey was terrified. She knew what blind allegiance could bring. Most disturbing of all was that the officers present on the fringes of the room just watched, some of them smiling with demented glee at what their troops were doing.

“Titan,” she whispered hoarsely, “I think it is time to go.”

Just as Titan moved to snatch her up and haul her out of the aptly named Poison Factory, Rey heard him suck in a breath before spitting out a short and involuntary expletive. It wasn’t hard to guess why.

_Ben had come._

All around her food, bottles, utensils and more suddenly hung frozen in the air, Ben’s hand commanding them to freeze in their trajectories toward her. The perpetrators were frozen in place, their airways suddenly constricted and unable to provide them with life-sustaining oxygen. Rey watched in horror as her attackers clutched their throats, magically lifted to the tips of their toes, as they struggled with the Force-hold that Ben had on them.  

Rey shook her head in denial. _No._ She could not allow Ben to harm the crew of Finalizer over an insult.

Turning to look at him, she found Ben standing near the entrance, flanked by War and Vengeance. Both men were armed to the teeth and looked ready to kill the next person to twitch. BB-9E, Force bless her, was rolling around frantically chittering at nearby troops to stand down from their attack on the Supreme Leader’s distinguished guest.

BB-8 was gliding at the Stormtroopers at full speed, using his torch to burn their shins, beeping a string of vile insults that would make any smuggler proud. “Kriffing Wampa fuckers!” he beeped, rolling over feet and headbutting knees with his dome. Stormtroopers were dancing jigs of pain and trying to kick her little orange friend all around the room.  

Using her sleeve to wipe the mess from her face, Rey noticed that one of the utensils had apparently cut her cheek. Ignoring the surprise she felt at that realization and hoping that the wound wasn’t bleeding enough to invite Ben’s notice, she walked calmly over to him. “Supreme Leader,” she said lightly, only a slight tremor betraying the turmoil Rey felt inside, “I would like to make my report on the condition of the nutrition program aboard the _Finalizer_.”

Rey pinned Ben with her gaze, pretending with all her might that she was not still the cynosure of thousands of eyes, begging the man she loved to relent and go along with her efforts to downplay what had just happened.

 _Please, Ben,_ Rey begged across their bond, _please show them mercy. They have no idea why I am here._

His gaze flicked to hers, her unspoken plea enough to peel his attention away from those in the crowd who had sought a physical expression for their hatred for the Resistance and the Last Jedi.

Rey had expected to see the unrestrained fury in his eyes. Ben was easily driven to anger and he would regard this incident as an affront to him personally, she knew. It was the fear in his eyes – _fear for her_ – that almost caused her to lose her composure altogether.

 _Sweetheart,_ Ben asked, his words awash in a combination of emotions that Rey registered across their unguarded Force bond as agony and tenderness, _are you hurt? Have they hurt you?_

_I’m fine, Ben._

Ben’s gaze moved to the place on her cheek where she could feel a dull pain begin to set in as the spike of adrenalin coursing through her veins faded. Her limbs began to shake and her lips felt slightly numb. Though, Rey thought to herself, the numbness could be attributed to the vile green goo she had just eaten. Shock was the more likely culprit, but she would not be surprised to learn that it had been the cause. 

Ben met her eyes again. _You are NOT fine. They’ve cut you and terrified you._

Rey acknowledged the truth of his words. _Yes, but if you kill them now, we will have missed an opportunity to win hearts and minds._

Ben shook his head, denying her words.

_Yes, Ben. You know I’m right. Let me give you my report. Admonish them, but then make them a concession. You will not regret it._

_Is this the thing you said you would ask of me when we were still on Hoth?_

Rey offered him a small smile. He had her there.

_No. I hope you will agree that my suggestion is the best course of action. I am not ready to ask you for that promised concession just yet._

Ben sighed and dropped his hand. The Stormtroopers who had been slowly and painfully choking to death moments ago fell to their knees, sucking in great breaths of air as their comrades bent over them. Glops of food and water sprayed those who had been unlucky enough to be sitting near her as the Force released the makeshift missiles that had been stopped in midair before they could strike Rey.

Ben’s voice rang out, biting and rife with disgust. “And this is the behavior of _the finest and best-trained fighting force_ in the galaxy? This is your _legendary discipline?_ This is how a First Order crew treats _a guest_ on the flagship of their Supreme Leader? Is it not enough that I have ended the endless war that has permeated your lives? Yet the Last Jedi overlooks this insult and asks me to hear her thoughts about how the First Order provides for your needs.”

Rey watched as nearly six thousand troops hung their heads, having been rightly shamed by their leader. It was exactly the kind of thing that Rey had seen Leia Organa Solo do to great effect. Rey wished his mother had been there to see it. If she did not know that the next few minutes would be critical in establishing her authority within the First Order power structure, she might have felt inclined to laugh.

Ben extended a hand to her and Rey took it immediately, recognizing it as an outward symbol of his trust in her. Covered in stinking green goo, he was giving her pride of place. She did not plan to waste the chance that Ben had given her.

“Supreme Leader,” she spoke, her tone and volume matching his from moments ago, “I find the fare supplied here to be inadequate and inedible. I believe that it is time to re-assess the food supply process and nutrition program so that your loyal troops may have sufficient nutrition and enjoyment at their meals.”

“Enjoyment?” Ben asked, obviously playing along.

“Yes, sir,” Rey affirmed. “They should be able to look forward to meals with variety and flavor. I believe it will promote health and boost morale.”

 _Brilliant, Sweetheart,_ Ben praised her through their bond, _if you had eyes in the back of your head, you would see their stunned and happy expressions. You would think that they had all just been given a year’s free pass to all the delights of Coruscant._

Ben appeared to everyone to be considering her proposal. Suddenly he moved, snapping his fingers as BB-9E and a group of officers rushed to his side. Without taking his eyes off Rey, he spoke to them over his left shoulder, “You will take the suggestions that our guest has provided and include her in the planning of nutrition procurement and planning for every ship in the fleet. This is to happen immediately. _Is that perfectly clear?”_

The officers stared at Ben in astonishment, only offering him brief agreement before rushing away to do his bidding.

Before Ben turned to lead her away, his eyes swept over the crowd. “I will expect that anyone involved with today’s incident will report to their chain of command to discuss, punishment, atonement, and reparations for the insult you have given today. I will expect a full accounting on actions to be taken no later than 0800 hours tomorrow.”

Her chin up, biting her trembling lips, Rey walked out of the hall at Ben’s side, giving her best impression of the regal bearing of Leia Organa Solo. She was proud that she was able to keep up the pretense of a serene and untroubled princess until the lift doors closed in front of her.

An instant later, Rey’s knees gave out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, dear readers! Thanks for being patient! I haven't had much time for writing lately. Lots going on, but I am committed to giving you an enjoyable story and I hope this chapter was worth waiting for.
> 
> I hope that those of you who have been faithful commenters will continue to interact and those of you who have not yet touched base with make your thoughts known! I love interacting with readers!
> 
> What do we think of Rey's efforts to win hearts and minds today - including that of Ben Solo?


	15. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben realizes his role in what happened to Rey at the hands of the Stormtroopers and what he could have lost had things in the food hall gotten any worse.

Ben

Through their bond, Ben could feel the strain of Rey’s effort to hold herself upright as they moved together toward the lift.

It was painfully beautiful to watch her maintain her composure, covered in a noxious green slime though she was and, at the same time, as self-possessed as any empress. All eyes were trained on their progress as they left the chaos in their wake.

As Rey nodded to the DeathTroopers, more of whom had gathered to defend her, a pang of tenderness welled up within Ben, leaving him raw and indescribably proud that the Force had chosen Rey for him. She had said 'we' when she had told him that they could lose the battle for the hearts and minds of the troops should he choose to choke the offenders to death.

No matter the courage, restraint, and mercy Rey had shown to that undeserving rabble, no matter that she had braved the wrath of Snoke in the throne room of the _Supremacy_ entirelyalone, the ferocity of the hatred of the Stormtroopers had shaken her.

_Hells, it had shaken him._

When BB-9E had come into his office beeping frantically about the Stormtroopers attacking Rey in the food halls, Ben had felt his heart drop to his boots. The blood drained from his head as he struggled to find her Force signature in the floors below him. For a few heart-stopping moments Ben suffered the tortures of _not feeling Rey’s Light._

Swallowing hard as he squeezed her hand, hoping to invest some of his strength into Rey’s stiff limbs, Ben did not want to consider what those endless moments of uncertainty about her safety had done to him.    

Once he _had_ connected with Rey’s signature, he could feel her panic and humiliation as if it were his own. Ben wasted no time rushing out of the suite where the droids had already alerted War and Vengeance to the danger. Both men had quickly suited up with weapons blazing to follow him to the lift with the droids in tow.

When Ben had seen what was happening to Rey, he could feel the Dark side rise in him. His grandfather had been famous for Force-choking subordinates into submission. It had been a signature move as far as the galaxy was concerned. Ben had Force-choked no less than fifteen men and women simultaneously as they let loose their vengeance on Rey. Unlike his grandfather, Ben had not intended to choke the troops responsible for the attack merely as punishment, to gain their immediate cooperation, or even as a statement of his unending displeasure.

 _No._ Ben had meant to kill them. He would have relished that act of retribution had Rey not pled for their lives.

There was no doubt in his mind that had he not intervened, the Stormtroopers would have done much more than simply make Rey the object of a particularly vicious food fight. They had been trained by Hux to function as a group. Their loyalty was not established by patriotism, but by brainwashing. Once one group of Stormtroopers reacted to an imperative, the others would follow like insects in a hive. Hux had liked to work them up in advance of large battles, stoking their anger into zealous passions.

The Troopers would have seen today’s situation the same way. It made them dangerous and it would not have been long before they resorted to actual weapons or put their hands on Rey. The Last Jedi was their enemy.

Ben shuddered when a cold sensation crept up his spine and settled around his heart. The thought of some nameless man hurting Rey was almost more than he could bear.

_What in the hells had he done?_

This was all his fault. Guilt and shame swamped him with bitter regret. 

Rey could have been injured or killed while he worked on mindless administrative tasks in the comfort and security of his suite. His entire future could have been decided while Ben was pouring over useless purchase orders and the construction plans for ships that were no longer destined to be used as weapons of war.

Ben had permitted an entire ship full of people to refer to her as  _his Jedi whore_ , to leer at her and taunt her to her face.

He had failed Rey in every way possible since bringing her to the _Finalizer._ He had been so determined to keep his distance from her and maintain his righteous anger about her defection that he had left her alone and put her in danger. Titan was an exceptional soldier, but there was no way he could have kept Rey safe had the entirety of lunch shift Beta decided that they were going to harm the Last Jedi. Ben had been the architect of the hatred Rey had just experienced when he had set no expectations of how she was to be treated or who she was to him.  

One realization threatened to bring Ben to his knees: _I could have lost the only woman I have ever lo-_

Before he could finish that thought, the lift doors directly in front of them opened to carry them back to his suite. Sensing that Rey was moments from breaking down, Ben was ready to catch her when the lift doors slid closed and his girl no longer had to pretend to be unphased by what had taken place.

Sweeping her up in his arms, Ben hugged her high against his chest, ignoring Rey’s quiet protests that she was filthy and would transfer the foul-smelling green mash to his pristine uniform.

“ _Shh, Sweetheart._ Just let me hold you. _I need to hold you_.”

Ben heard the distinct sound of sniffling. He could feel wetness on his neck and the trembling in her limbs as Rey surrendered to the feelings of helplessness and fear that had threatened to consume her even as she had begged for the lives of those who wanted to harm her. She was, as he had first thought her, an angel of the Force.

Shifting her weight slightly so that he could hold Rey tighter and rest his head on hers, Ben whispered desperate apologies and pleas for forgiveness. When Rey cried harder, Ben turned to kiss her forehead, her cheek, her hair. He put his lips anywhere he could reach to try and give her comfort. To tell her without words that he was sorry. That he would do anything for her.

“ _I’m sorry, darling_ ,” Ben whispered with hoarse urgency into her small ear. “I’m so damned sorry that they hurt you. I should have explained to everyone who you are to me. _I left you alone when I told you that you never would be._ Please… _forgive me_.”

Rey whimpered, and Ben was suddenly more afraid than he had ever been in his life, certain that she would come to her senses and refuse him.

“I _promise_ I will never leave you alone again. If you’ll just give me another chance…”

Rey lifted her head from his shoulder, her liquid green and brown gaze capturing his, testing his sincerity, searching for his truth.

Ben swallowed hard, never breaking eye contact, praying to the Force that she could feel how desperate he was to prove himself to her. To be the man she needed.

Rey must have sensed it and accepted it as fact because a heartbeat later Ben found himself the recipient of the sweetest, hottest kiss.

He was lost.

Most importantly, _he was hers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ben Solo had an epiphany and all it took was a few clumps of green goo and several thousand Stormtroopers to help him remember that the Force has given him its most precious gift.
> 
> What do you think of desperate, apologetic Ben? Some tender and smutty moments coming up! Warning to those of you who are under 18 or who don't need the specifics. I will post warnings at the beginning of that chapter as well. 
> 
> As always, please leave me some comments! I love corresponding with you and answer everyone. I appreciate so much that you have chosen to read my work. It's humbling and thrilling to read your reactions and have such support!


	16. Satisfaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are, friends. Mature Warning: If you are under 18 or not into explicit sex scenes of two committed people who love one another, this chapter is NOT FOR YOU. Seriously. Skip it. You have been warned.
> 
> Having stated that please know how much I respect your choice not to take a peek into their bedroom! I thank you for sticking with the story and being patient as I write the next chapter!
> 
> Just know that Ben and Rey come to both an emotional understanding and a physical one. Neither throws the L-word around yet, but that's coming. So you're up to date and can move along without feeling you've missed much. I promise I will post a new chapter as soon as possible so that you can reconnect with the story!
> 
> For the rest of you - Happy Saturday! I decided to spend a snowy day giving our favorite pair what each has been longing for - the other. Ben and Rey make the most of their new understanding. Beware - this is a lengthy chapter!

Rey

Rey took several deep breaths as Ben carried her to the fresher in the master suite. Her body had finally calmed after the frightening moments in the food hall and her face was still snuggled in the warm, fragrant place where Ben’s neck met the collar of his uniform. He smelled so good and it felt so good to have him hold her. It felt even better knowing that he had let go of his anger.

She had softly suggested that Ben could put her down when they had entered the suite, but he had only squeezed her tighter and insisted that he planned to take good care of her. Rey had very nearly started crying again. The caring in his voice stunned her.

In her life, Rey had not experienced much in the way of tenderness. That it would be Ben Solo who supplied it to her struck a deep emotional need she thought that she had long since abandoned. Probing gently at their bond, Rey could feel a change in Ben. She could feel the residual fear that he had experienced when she had been attacked by his troops, but also a tacit acceptance. A surrender.

_To her._

Rey suddenly felt shy, knowing instinctively how to handle a Ben Solo who was her adversary, but less certain about how to handle the man who was suddenly determined to treasure her. She had never made love with a man before. With survival her only mandate on Jakku, Rey had never experienced a pull toward carnal pleasures until she had laid eyes on the dark beauty of this man.

And, oh, how she wanted him.

Rey knew that everything would be all right. The Force had shown her that in countless wicked dreams starring Ben Solo, but just now, she felt nervous and shy.

Ben turned into the fresher and gently set Rey on her feet. Keeping an arm around her waist, he leaned in the shower to turn on the taps. Turning back to her, Ben placed his large hands on her cheeks, turning her face so that he could more closely examine the cut his Stormtroopers had given her. 

Leaning forward, Ben placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, leaving his warm lips on the small laceration that had bled after the blunt utensil had struck her. Rey could feel a tingle in that spot. She wasn’t entirely certain, but she thought perhaps Ben may have just healed the wound. She closed her eyes and hummed with pleasure at the thought that he would use his considerable powers for something so small when he had kept the jagged mark she had inflicted on his own cheek.

Ben bent his head until his forehead met hers. Rey looked up into his eyes and took the opportunity to run her fingers through his magnificent hair. It was so soft and silky, but also thick and bold like the man he was. She loved it.

 _Sweetheart,_ Ben’s deep voice purred across their bond, his eyes shining with devastating sincerity, _I can think of no better reason to use my powers than for your good._

Tears sprung to her eyes and she offered him a small smile. Sometimes their bond could be such a blessing. Rey decided to go for the truth. “I’m nervous,” she blurted out.

That earned Rey a small smile from him. “I know. I am, too.”

“You are?” Rey was startled. She had not thought that anything could have forced him to admit to weakness. Ben wore his self-assurance like a weapon, daring anyone to penetrate that armor. Apparently, he had made an exception for her.

Ben nodded slightly, pushing a hair behind her ear, letting out a deep breath. “Being with you…it’s the thing that I’ve wanted more than anything I’ve wanted in my life. And not just… _physically_ … Not just because of the dreams, though, _believe me_ , the things they’ve shown me have been… I’ve never had anyone who could understand me as you do, Rey. Someone who knew me in an instant without expectation and was willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.”

Rey nodded. It was the same for her. And yet… “ _Why, Ben?_ ”

Rey felt rather than heard Ben’s resigned sigh. He knew what she was asking him.

Nodding to himself more than to her, Ben planted a gentle kiss on her forehead as he gathered himself to explain his behavior. It felt like the most important moment of Rey’s life. It probably was.

“It has been easier for me to stay angry with you, Sweetheart. Easier to recall that you chose to fight me and leave me. _If I_ …,” Ben cleared his throat. “If I _let you in_ and… _then_ …” The breath stuttered out of Ben’s body.

Rey understood with complete clarity what Ben was trying to tell her. He was afraid that he would lose her. Ben had changed his mind today because he realized that he could lose her anyway. If he continued to guard his heart against her, they would have never had the destiny the Force had shown them. 

Grasping his cheeks, Rey pulled Ben close to her, holding him with all her strength. She whispered into the soft black hair that hung to his strong shoulders. “ _I won’t leave you again, Ben._  I will be standing right next to you from now on where I belong. I will choose you.  _I promise_.”

When he tried to draw back and speak, Rey tightened her arms around him. “I need you to find a way to believe me. _I’m here._ I know you were counting on me not to refuse when you came to Hoth and gave me that ultimatum, but the truth is that I was ready to go with you the moment I learned you were coming.”

This time Ben did draw back, a look on his handsome face that spoke of want and wanting to _believe_. Rey's heart ached for him. She continued to clutch him as tightly as she could, determined not to allow him to pull away from her. Searching Rey’s features and the landscape of her mind, she knew the moment Ben found what he needed - the unspoken words that would come later when the walls they would build around themselves as a couple had risen higher than anyone could scale and hardened to durasteel, closing them willingly inside a togetherness that would guide the rest of their lives.   

All tension went out of Ben’s shoulders and he suddenly looked younger and more carefree than she had ever seen him. He smiled at her, really smiled. It held the power of the Jakku sun.

She grinned back. “Supreme Leader, I must say that I’m dying to see where all this is going, but I really need a shower first.”

Ben laughed, the first time she had heard that remarkable and sexy sound from him. She was fascinated. _Rewarded._ Rey wanted to make him laugh like that ten times a day at least.

“If it helps, Sweetheart,” he told her playfully, “you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen even when covered in green… _what exactly is this stuff?_ ” Ben examined one dried clump very closely.

Rey wrinkled her nose at the smell of the disgusting green masses now dried all over her. “It’s what the First Order has the nerve to call ‘lunch.’”

Ben rolled his dark eyes. “Hux,” was all he said as if that single word explained it all.

Before Rey could unpack his meaning, Ben took her hands from around his shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze, before stepping back. “I will leave you to your shower…unless…” Ben’s voice trailed off, but Rey understood immediately where he was going with that thought.

Her cheeks burned hot, but Rey refused to shrink from the proposed intimacy of showering together. She wanted to touch him. She had waited so long. Unable to verbalize her agreement, she simply nodded at him. Across their bond, she could feel his surprise and delight.

Ben reached down and tugged off one large, black, leather glove, using his teeth to remove the second. The simple act of revealing his strong hands held her captivated and awash in lust. Heat pooled between her thighs.

Rey loved his grace. She loved that she was the only one who got to see him as he really was – that Ben saved himself for her alone. It was another gift from the Force. She could not wait for those hands to touch her, knowing without being told that they would wield all possible pleasure just as they swung a saber with mesmerizing expertise.

Carefully, Ben reached out, approaching her with cautious intent, awaiting her permission to lift her garments over her head. Rey gave it to him without hesitation. “Yes.”

Ben lifted the ruined fabric over her head with a flourish. As his eyes traveled down her body, stopping at the lace foundation garments that Trella had supplied, she watched with pride as Ben’s gaze heated.

“Rey…you are _so_ beautiful. Sometimes I’m certain that you must be a mirage. I’m half convinced that I made you up entirely.”

Rey smiled up at him. “I feel the same way about you.” Ray reached out to take his hand and place it over her pounding heart.

Ben instantly leaned down to capture her mouth in a passionate kiss of dueling tongues and clashing teeth. Rey moaned, attacking his uniform, finding the closures and ripping at them with impatience. Without breaking their contact, Ben reached down to help her, shrugging off the garment as quickly as possible.

Rey broke from their kiss to run her hands over his bare chest. The warm muscles jumped under her touch as Ben sucked in a breath and groaned. Emboldened, she found the placket of his trousers, conscious of the growing swell beneath her hand.

She felt Ben reach behind her to unfasten the clasps that help her breast band in place and then the release of her sensitive flesh to the cool air and his questing hands. Rey gasped, reaching up to nip at his full lower lip as he drew the rough skin of his palms over her nipples, causing her to shudder and lean into him.

“ _Mmm_ ,” Ben moaned against her mouth. “You feel so good, Sweetheart.” Rey’s eyes drifted closed as Ben kissed his way down her neck to the place where her pulse raced, swirling his tongue over that spot before blowing air gently across the moisture collected there. Goose flesh rose on her neck and she sought his warmth, the tips of her breasts meeting the warmth of his body.

Ben’s large hands drifted down her torso, sliding around her body to cup the muscled globes of her buttocks through the lace of her panties. Dipping into the waistband of the tiny garment, Rey felt the warm hands push down and she waited while he bent to follow the scrap of fabric down her legs, his mouth placing hot kisses on her thighs and calves as he traveled before finally drawing them off.

Ben stayed there for a moment, removing her boots as she balanced herself on his impossibly broad shoulders, stroking and admiring the effort it must have taken to develop the honed body of a warrior.

The blood in her body heated to boiling as Ben’s dark gaze traced up every dip and curve of her body, pausing at the delta between her thighs where small neat, brunette curls waited for his fingers to explore them. The burn of unresolved desire sent a heated flush up her body as Rey panted with need.

 _Faster._ She wanted everything to go faster.

Reaching for his pants again, Rey pulled at the fabric placket until Ben gave a rough laugh and reached down to free himself for her, splitting the fabric apart and placing her small hand on his lower abdomen. Rey gasped at the heat of his torso, feeling the coarse hairs that led down to his most intimate place. The muscles jumped at her touch as Ben groaned again, his head dipping low to capture her gaze, clearly daring her to go farther.

Lifting one delicate, arched eyebrow in answer to his unspoken challenge, Rey let her hand drift lower, encountering the hot flesh that most wanted her attention. Gasping in wonder, she wrapped her fingers around the considerable length, drawing her hand up and down to test what Ben most enjoyed, squeezing more tightly when her efforts caused him to drop his head back in pleasure.

As he had done to her, Rey allowed her other hand to drift around his waistband, dipping under the elastic to feel the warm skin of his muscled backside. Every part of Ben was hard as a rock, a playground of planes and angles for her to explore. She pushed his pants low, anxious to see and feel all of him.

She looked up at the man she loved as he met her eyes again. Ben bent to help her, dragging off his boots and pushing his pants down his body, never breaking eye contact, as anxious as she to have nothing else separating them.

When both straightened again, Rey stood across from Ben, her hands at her sides, her eyes noting every detail of Ben Solo. From the top of his handsome head to the defined muscles of his torso, to the tips of his long, masculine toes, every part of him was so well and finely made. Nobility and strength were in every line, in every limb. Here was a man who was born to lead armies and father dynasties.

Dimly, it occurred to Rey as Ben’s eyes made their own assessment of her petite form that she had lost her modesty somewhere between the time when he had put her down in this room fully clothed and this moment where his eyes cherished her like art. Rey felt no shame in his study of her body. Instead, there was only a fierce pride in the knowledge that Ben wanted her. Their joining was an inevitability, like two great stars spinning toward one another to collide in the vacuum of space.    

Unwilling to wait any longer to have those acres of skin against her own, Rey launched herself at him. Ben caught her with a laughing grunt as she wrapped her legs around his waist, her upper arms resting on his shoulders.

Ben turned them toward the steaming shower and stepped in carefully, allowing her the chance to acclimate to the warmth of the streaming water. Rey reached her hands up to smooth her hair back, soaking it evenly, rinsing away the traumas of the morning, and giving Ben an up-close view of her breasts. Her small nipples pebbled in arousal and the contrast of cool air and warm water. He took full advantage of the moment, running his hot tongue over each nipple, suckling gently and then with increasing pressure.  

“Ben!” Rey called out, offering him her mouth when his wet head rose to her again. Rubbing the water through his hair and sweeping her tongue in his mouth, she gasped as Ben pushed her against the marble walls of the bathing chamber.

One strong thigh wedged itself between her legs, forcing Ben’s hardened cock to press against her belly. Rey whimpered with need as the fingers of one strong hand plunged through her curls to tease at her clit and ready her for a deeper exploration.

Rey caught Ben’s rhythm, as he rubbed the sensitive button of flesh hidden in her folds and plunged one strong finger into the cavity of her body, stroking the place where her pleasure seemed to gather. Rey took him in hand again, rubbing him with the same pressure and pace he did her.

Pleasure climbed ever higher between them as both did their best to devour the other, leaving no parts untouched that were within reach of a hand or mouth. The sound of the water was punctuated only by gasps of want.

“I need you, Rey,” Ben rasped in harsh tones, burying his face in her neck as she continued to stroke him. “I…I want to take you to bed.  I want our first time to be in our bed.”

 _Our bed._  Stars, but Rey loved the sound of that.

Rey’s answer was a small nod and an open-mouthed kiss where the tip of her tongue stabbed at the tip of his in carnal agreement, expressing to Ben that she wanted him any way she could get him. _Right now._

Bed grasped her around the waist and strode from the shower, both soaking wet and uncaring, their movements ruthlessly efficient as Rey wrapped herself around his body and Ben followed her down on the cool linens, the contact of their skin unbroken.

Rey gasped as she took Ben’s weight, relishing the feel of his belly against hers, beads of water dripping on to her body from his skin and hair. Ben’s strong arms framed her as his thighs and cock made a home for themselves between her legs.

 _Yes._ This. This was exactly what she had wanted from Ben Solo since the first moment he had removed his mask and she had known their destinies were linked.

Ben leaned down to kiss her, one trembling hand traveling between her thighs once again to assure himself of the welcome he would find there. Drawing back, his hands went to frame her cheeks and his dark gaze captured hers, telling her without words that this would be the moment.

Ben surged forward, pressing himself home within her body, pausing when he found the barrier of her virginity, offering her a tender kiss of apology as he carefully moved past it. Ben drew back, renewing his thrusts in small, careful pushes until he was fully seated in her body.

Rey wrapped her legs around his waist, knowing instinctively that the position would open her to the full power of his loving. Ben rightly took that as a signal that she was ready for him to increase his pace as he snapped his hips with purpose, causing her to cry out.

Ben’s great chest pumped with his efforts, his breaths going like a bellows. His gaze was fixed steadily on her as he measured the effects of his thrusts on her enjoyment of their act. Rey caught his rhythm as she had in the shower, the movement of her hips and lower body a counterpoint to his.

Rey could feel Ben’s pubic bone pressing strongly against the center of her pleasure, increasing the intensity of the indescribably beautiful experience of making love with someone she loved. She allowed her eyes to drift closed, she listened to the soft creaking of the bed beneath her and the naughty slapping sound of their bodies as they moved, imagining the sight of them grinding together in erotic sync.

It was the most perfect moment of her life.

A flood of desire and joy poured from Ben’s Force signature as he read her thoughts and increased his speed, each thrust producing a small audible groan as the formidable leader of the galaxy slowly lost his mind. Through their bond, Rey felt his praise and pleasure as they each neared the point of crisis.

 _Come with me, darling,_ Rey’s lover demanded across their bond, bending his head to capture her mouth.

Rey was helpless to do anything but respond to that command, her inner muscles tightening with vice-like intensity around Ben’s shaft as an uncontrollable fluttering of sensation finally culminated in an explosion of hot pleasure that tore a scream from her throat.

Ben grinned down at her with wicked enjoyment, taking obvious sensual pride in watching the orgasm play across her features as he continued to pump his hips. Rey tightened her inner muscles, thinking two could play at that game.

And she was right.

Rey felt Ben give two more short, shallow thrusts before he threw his head back and shouted his own satisfaction.

The last thing Rey thought before a chuckling and replete Ben Solo wrapped her sleepy form in his strong arms was that he really HAD taken VERY good care of her just as he promised.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem...so, that happened. Ben and Rey have started their path with a promise from Rey and a physical expression of feelings they are not yet ready to voice. I hope it was worth the 15-chapter wait! Sorry for the length. I wanted to do this moment some justice. Their first time should not be a quickie.
> 
> Comments are always welcome!


	17. Fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is literal and figurative fluffiness. It was too tempting to see how Ben Solo would react to waking up with Rey in his arms. Our girl makes his morning a fun romp!
> 
> Mature Warning: There is mention of sex and a little tiny bit of naughtiness. Nothing too graphic. Some of it is pure comedy.

Ben

Over the years, Ben had used the Force to train himself to require little sleep – far less than the average human. Serving Snoke had required it. Still, there were countless nights when he had prayed for the blessed respite of sleep and been denied it, haunted by demons that were both inherited and of his own creation.   

This morning, this one perfect, solitary morning, things were different. He had slept peacefully. And not just slept but _rested_. For him, those concepts were mutually exclusive. Sleep was just a biological need that the living cells within the walls of his body needed to continue to function. _Rest_ was a different thing altogether. Ben had not experienced rest, this almost euphoric ease of body and mind that he felt after the night he had just passed with Rey since he was a young child. And then, only seldom. Never as strongly. It was almost as if she had given him some of her Light to keep.

He suspected that might be true.

Ben thought he understood what a prisoner who had been given a reprieve from certain death might feel. He felt suddenly as if his life, with its intrinsic possibility, had been given back to him.

Shifting slightly, Ben leaned down to place a soft kiss on the brow of the tiny woman in his arms. Rey, he had learned, was an active sleeper. She shifted often, her arms or legs rising and falling wherever they might. Just a few standard minutes ago, he had awoken to find one slim leg bent over his hip, affording him a tantalizing view of one well-turned and slim leg.

The other fact of interest to Ben in the simulated light of dawn that gave a gentle and indirect glow to his chambers, the one that had brought a smile to his face more than once during the night, was that _Rey snored_.

It was not a loud and nasally snore as a grown man might make, but the soft purr of a loth-cat in repose. It was, Ben had decided, very much in character for such a small, agile creature, who, at times, had very sharp teeth.

Rey was a kitten. _His kitten_. It was entirely adorable.

Stretching very much like that whiskered animal of planet Lothal, Ben watched as his lover fought her way to wakefulness. He was struck by a small pang of uncharacteristic uncertainty. _Would Rey feel regret after the intimacies of the day before?_

 _No._ It was as Rey had told him. Ben would have to choose to trust her. He would trust that when she opened those beautiful hazel eyes, her promise to him would still stand.

While he waited for her to awaken, Ben took his time running his fingers lightly over her dainty collarbone and down the muscled curves of her arms, tracing her, seeing her with the eye of a calligrapher. Rey was all graceful lines and flowing arches.

He may have also taken a peek or three at her beautiful breasts. Ben could hardly call himself a man if he didn’t indulge in the sight of the gorgeous woman in his bed. Like everything else about her, they were small but perfectly formed. It was as if the Force had anticipated his every preference and then made it flesh in Rey. She made quite a picture.

“Ben Solo,” came a laughing, sleepy voice, “have you been staring at my breasts?”

Ben’s gaze snapped to her face and he couldn’t help but break out into deep, rumbling laughter. Rey had one mischievous eye open and was studying him with humor, those white teeth flashing her sexy smile.

“Guilty as charged. I would apologize, Kitten,” Ben told her, trying out a new and inspired nickname for his girl, “but I am not sorry at all. You cannot blame me, waking up next to this embarrassment of riches.” Ben gestured from the top of her head to where her legs were tangled up in the silken sheets. And him. “I’m just a man.”

“ _Kitten?!_ ” Rey giggled, her brows drawing together in puzzlement at the new name. “I’m no longer your ‘Sweetheart’?” She sounded amused, affronted, and disappointed all at the same time.

Ben could not remember when he’d had more fun, but he would never again leave her in doubt of his regard for her. He dipped to catch her lips in a playful kiss while grasping her jaw with his large hand to look deeply into her eyes. “You will always be my Sweetheart, Rey.”

Small arms wound themselves around his neck, pulling him closer. “Mmm,” she hummed, clearly happy with that answer. “Why a feline name though?” Rey leaned up to kiss his jaw, rubbing her soft lips against the stubble she found there, trailing them along the line of his jaw to end in a tiny, wet kiss to his chin. It sent tremors of desire shooting through his entire body.

Ben began to kiss his way down her neck, nipping at all the delicious spots of her. “Well, it’s more than one thing, really, Rey,” Ben whispered as he continued his path to her pretty pink nipples, and she plunged her hands in his hair.

She let out a small moan as Ben’s jaw scraped across the tender skin of her breasts. “Give me the main thing, then,” she demanded as her voice came out on a shallow breath and her eyes drifted closed.

“Mainly…” he informed her between kisses to the sensitive underside of her breasts, and then moving to the subtle dip that ran north to south between the muscles of her abdomen, “it’s because…you snore.”

Rey reared up, laughing her small head off, lightly tugging on his hair with both hands to demand that he retract that statement. “I do NOT snore, Ben Solo! _Take it back!_ ”

Ben fell to his side next to her, his shoulders shaking with laughter. “I never want to lie to you, Kitten. _You snore like a tiny purring loth-cat_.”

Rey pursed her lips and nodded her head at him for a moment before reaching out to grasp one of the fluffy white pillows behind her. Before he could anticipate the attack, Rey swung it around to whack him as hard as she could.

Stunned, he looked into her face, seeing the laughter lurking behind her narrowed eyes as she planned her next attack on his person.

Ben guffawed. He actually guffawed. _When had he ever laughed like this?!_

Rising to his knees, he towered over her smaller form, grasping his own pillow and preparing to return fire. “That’s how it is, is it?”

“I’m afraid so, _Supreme Leader_ ,” his Kitten told him with mock solemnity. “You may want to call the Deathtroopers to defend your person.” Rey tried, but she really could not help but let out a tiny giggle at the end of that threat. He could not help but chuckle again, watching her for where she meant to strike next.

“So…I am to be the victim of a fluffy ambush? What an ignominious end.”

Rey dropped the pretense of seriousness and regarded him with laughing eyes, “Undoubtedly! _Now at your guard, Kylo Ren!_ ”

With that, Ben found himself advancing on and parrying with his lovely loth-cat for the next twenty standard minutes, feathers flying and laughter ringing throughout his suite. His chamber now resembled a snow storm on Hoth. Not a pillow was intact.

Ben really should be dressed and attending to his usual schedule of training and morning meetings but could not find it in himself to be anywhere but next to the woman who claimed his every thought and filled all the hollow spaces inside him. He knew that he would fight anyone and anything to keep her next to him and as happy as they were in this moment.

They finally collapsed, both laughing and exhausted, covered in down feathers, arguing over who was the winner. A tender meeting of mouths forced a mutual surrender amidst the ruins of their bed.

Which is how 9E and her orange companion found them several minutes later, naked as the day they were born, cuddling in wispy, floating chaos.

BB-8 let out a long-suffering moan and chirped, “I told you that human coitus was far messier than droid coupling.”

9E chittered and beeped her agreement before calling out to Ben, “Shall I schedule regular morning coitus for you on your master calendar, Supreme Leader?”

Ben and Rey burst out laughing, grasping each other close as they gave in to hilarity once again. Ben snorted out, “Yes, 9E. I think that’s a must. And order more pillows.”

“Very good, Supreme Leader,” 9E beeped with her usual solicitous efficiency. Turning their domes to the rear, she and BB-8 rolled away, beeping loudly that each preferred their respective humans in uniform as they were so unattractive in their natural states.

When their renewed laughter had died down at having their warriors' bodies insulted by droids, Ben kissed Rey’s collarbone and lightly slapped her pert behind. “If I thought it would help, I would try to figure out a way to lock those two out of our room, Kitten, but I suspect they would only reprogram the doors.”

Rey snickered. “Perhaps the solution is to ask them to schedule whatever ‘droid coitus’ is at the same time each morning?”

Ben burst out laughing again, shaking his head as he grabbed Rey’s hand to pull her up from the bed and stroll with her to their fresher. “That's brilliant, but I do not even want to consider what that might entail." He could not help the small shudder that ran down his back.

A question furrowed Rey’s brow. “ _How exactly do you think they…?"_

Ben placed his palm over her mouth and simply shook his head in denial of Rey’s speculation about the pseudo-sexual congress of BB units. There were just some things one did not need to consider.

“Oh, come on, Ben!” Rey pouted when he finally removed his hand. “Maybe we’ll get _baby_ droids!” Ben watched as Rey waggled her brows. His girl was clearly delighted at the impossible thought. He just rolled his eyes as Rey began to whistle a bawdy tune from the taverns of Jakku.

Ben thought that he was going to thoroughly enjoy this new normal. Feathers and all.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am dying for your thoughts on this completely fluffy chapter! The Supreme Leader indulges in pillow fights. Who knew?!
> 
> Is this moving the plot along? Wellll....yes and no. It's important that we see our couple in more than just serious situations. They need some fun and witty banter, too. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this and four chapters in quick succession. I know I have been neglecting this story a bit, though I haven't wanted to, and I have been happy to carry it forward for you this weekend. Thanks, as always for reading. Please, please leave me some comments! They keep me going when I am writing boring content about software! Need!


	18. Refinement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a few days of domestic bliss, Rey must refine her Jedi sight or risk losing a future with Ben.

Rey

Ben had requested that she not venture out for a few days after the attack in the food halls until he could determine the potential for danger to her when she resumed her duties.

Understanding Ben’s need to protect her, Rey spent most of that time in the library, skimming through some of the ancient Jedi texts while Ben led the galaxy. Suddenly it did not seem as important to devour the information contained inside each volume as it had when she had stolen them from Ahch-to. She was with the one person who could teach her the most. As it was, she could only read so much of them on her own before requiring a translator droid to help her decipher the rest.

One passage of one of the books had certainly captured her attention, though. It was the page that she kept coming back to read, trying to decipher its meaning. The words held power. They seemed the most important of all the passages she had read.  

Rey wore gloves when handling the books. She’d had to borrow a pair from Ben’s wardrobe. Her hands absolutely swam in the leather gauntlets and she was sure she looked ridiculous, but the translator droid had been quite adamant that such ancient texts could not withstand the abuse of oily human hands. Regardless whether the gloves _looked_ ridiculous, they certainly _felt_ ridiculous after all the books had survived, but far be it from her to molest the sacred words of those scribes who had labored to record their wisdom.   

That was how Ben found her relaxing in a massive chair, a chair Rey suspected was his favorite based on where the fabric had become slightly threadbare, her legs hanging over an armrest. His massive gloves made her appear clown-like as she poured over the _Journal of the Whills_.

Without a word, Ben crossed the room to her and scooped her up in his arms. She gave out a little squeak as he quickly turned to seat himself where she had been, draping her over him as she had draped herself over the chair. 

“Nice gloves. What are you reading, Kitten?” Ben’s low voice rumbled close to her ear causing pleasant shivers to chase up her spine. “Is it a galactic romance? Too hot to touch with bare hands? Maybe you should read it aloud so that I can judge,” he teased. He pressed a hot kiss to the spot just behind her ear and Rey let out a giggle.

By way of answer, Rey simply opened the book carefully where her index finger held her place, listening to the creak and crackle of the leather spine as she settled it into her lap once again. She read aloud,

 

_“First comes the day_

_Then the night._

_After the darkness_

_Shines through the light._

_The difference, they say,_

_Is only made right_

_By the resolving of gray_

_Through refined Jedi sight.”_

Ben made a low murmur. His shoulders settled back in the chair. “ _You took the ancient texts from Luke._ Why am I not surprised? I would lay odds he had no idea you walked off with them, my sweet scavenger.”

Rey colored at his words. It was strange to feel guilty for taking something that did not belong to her and delighted at the praise of her lover at the same time.

“Don’t feel guilty, Rey. _Those books belong to no one, so they belong to everyone_.”

Rey considered that for a moment. Ben was right. The texts were sacred books that were meant to be passed on to those who would learn from them. Master Skywalker had wanted them destroyed.

Rey looked deep into his brown eyes. “ _What do you think it means, Ben?”_

When he remained silent for a few lost minutes, watching her carefully, Rey opened her mouth to try and explain what she wanted from him, but Ben squeezed her briefly, letting her know that he would answer in a moment.

He broke eye contact. Taking the book from her hands and setting it gently on the small table near the chair, ben looked down at the place where Rey had braced her free hand over his heart. His mouth turned up at the corner just enough to be classified as a smirk. “If you would have asked me a few years ago, I would have said that it was fanciful nonsense from ancient priests who put too much stock in their own importance.” He chuckled a dry and rusty sound. “In short, _Kitten_ ,” he said with dark irony, “I would have said that _they were full of bantha shit._ ”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that last. “ _And now?_ ” Rey leaned toward him, eager for his conclusions. Wanting most to know if they matched her own.   

Ben captured her gaze again, raising one hand to cup her cheek, leaning his forehead against hers. “Now…,” he paused, letting out a soft breath as he admitted, _“now I think that it’s about us_.”

She smiled into his eyes. “So do I!” Rey exclaimed in wonder, happy that the Force gave them matching insights. _Of course Ben would have known it._ “Something about it has called to me. I have returned to this book so many times over the past few days. Almost as if the Force has commanded me to read it.” It probably had.

Ben smoothed her hair, which she had left loose today at his request, behind her ear. “I did the same when I first read it. It didn’t feel like I had a choice.”

Rey nodded her agreement, but confusion filled her. How could Ben have read the passage before? “Did you read the passage when you were at Luke’s temple?” Ben leaned forward slightly to plant a soft kiss in the middle of her forehead. “That was the first time I saw it, yes. The question I struggled with then is the same that you are struggling with today: what does it mean to _resolve the gray_?”

“Yes.” Rey had no answer. She turned to lean back against him and rest her head on one broad shoulder. Her small hand went up to her mouth, chewing on her thumbnail, trying to think it through. She could tell that Ben was waiting for her to come to some conclusion that he had already accepted.

Some instinct in her said that the prophecy _was_ about them. The Force, a constant presence in her mind along with Ben, had become oddly quiet since she had joined him. It was no longer the burning acid of conflict dancing across the connections in her brain or the mellow high of feeling the interconnected rhythms of every living and non-living thing. It swayed within her. Almost like the tree branches on Takodana that had moved in the breeze off the water. The Force was content.

_Perhaps that was the point?_

Ben tightened his arms around her. Rey was certain that if she lived a thousand years, she would never tire of being held. _And by this man in particular_. Those strong arms, muscle, and sinew, held her as tightly as any restraint, but it was his intent that made the difference. She could feel his caring. It was bliss.

Ben Solo, she reflected, was capable of great and terrible things. Of tender and cruel things. Thinking of her own behavior on Jakku and with the Resistance, Rey understood now that she was capable of the same.

There was Gray.

Rey marveled at how quickly Ben’s nimble mind must have come to that conclusion.

Ben swallowed audibly, shaking his head in denial of the thoughts that had bled across their bond. “Kitten,” he whispered, his voice graveled and hoarse, “ _yes,_ there is Gray, but I don’t think it is as simple as you might like it to be. I think that ‘refined Jedi sight’ means that you are going to have to make some decisions.”

Startled by his words, Rey turned to face him once again, throwing her legs on either side of his, straddling his lap. “ _Me?_ Not _us_? _I thought we were in this together_.” Rey was suddenly worried that the unspoken understandings she thought they had shared since the day that she had been attacked should have been spoken aloud before this moment.

Immediately Ben brought her as close to him as the position would allow, wrapping his arms around her waist. Rey felt some trepidation at what he would say next. The troubled look on his face was enough to start a mild panic somewhere in the center of her chest.

Looking into his eyes, Rey could see that he was struggling to explain his meaning.

 _Wait…just wait, Rey. Trust. Let him get to it._ She let the air out of her lungs to slow the rush of her blood.

Ben’s tongue swiped at his lower lip before a similar breath escaped him. He was clearly uncomfortable but determined to open himself up to her. “ _Shh, Kitten._ It’s alright. I’m going to try and get his out. I might mess it up as I did in the throne room. _I’m not used to…_ ” Ben’s voice trailed off for a moment, this manner suddenly shy. “I’ve never had _someone_ I needed to explain myself to, Rey.”

Rey nodded. Rey had never had anyone to whom she was responsible either other than the short amount of time she had spent in the structure of the Resistance. Even then, it had not been very long and as the Last Jedi, she was technically there as a guest.

Understanding that there would need to be an adjustment period for them in considering one another’s feelings, Rey snuggled up under his chin. That way, she was still close to him, still touching him, but giving him some relief from needing to meet her eyes.

“I’m still Kylo Ren,” Ben blurted out. Rey’s eyes widened at that announcement. That was not what she had expected him to say. “Outside of this room, that’s _who I am_.” Rey leaned away, shaking her head in denial of his words.

He was Ben Solo. _Her Ben Solo._

“Rey…” he insisted with more than a little exasperation, taking her face between his large hands, “you must force yourself to see _me_ , Sweetheart. _Me._ Not who you want me to be. No matter how we are together, _no matter by what name you call me_ , the galaxy still knows me and sees me as Kylo Ren.” She was startled to see tears rise in his beautiful eyes. “More importantly,” he whispered, “ _I_ still see me as Kylo Ren.”

Rey caught her breath, breaking their contact entirely, climbing off his lap and pacing around the small space in front of his chair. She could feel her pulse begin to race again, thinking of the assumptions she had made over the past few blissful days with Ben. She had assumed he would revert to the person he was before Snoke and Luke Skywalker had abused and poisoned him.

Rey had never once considered that Kylo Ren was someone he _wanted_ to be.

She could feel the intensity of Ben’s stare as strongly as the touches they had just shared. Rey could feel his fear and determination through their bond. He didn’t _want_ to tell her these things. _He had to._ No matter what name he went by, Ben needed her to accept who he was before they went any further.

 _“_ Kylo Ren is the boogeyman of the galaxy because he needs to be,” he went on to explain. _“The First Order isn’t the Resistance._ There are no bylaws or mandates. No peaceful transition of power. _No one in the Order sues for peace as an objective._ The generals argue with me and conspire against me at every turn. I must work to come out the winner of that struggle _every day_. I cannot even allow you to roam freely around this ship because of what could happen to you at any moment. I may _never_ be able to do that, Rey.”

Rey stopped to consider his words. “Do you plan to try?” Her voice reminded her of the frightened little girl that she had been on Jakku. _She hated being scared_. She hated the risks that he had taken upon himself in agreeing to end the war on the Resistance. She had never considered that even the Supreme Leader might face danger in his ranks if he did not toe the party line.   

“There are things that I have done since you… _happened to me_ …that I…” Ben ran one gloved hand through his hair. “ _I wish I could undo_ , but I had to consider the larger picture. If things are ever going to change for the galaxy, there will be casualties. I … _we_ …can't save everyone.”

Ben reached out for her hand and drew her forward. “You are the only person I have allowed to call me Ben since the day I left Luke’s temple, Rey. When we are together, I can acknowledge that he is still a large part of who I am, but you must understand that’s progress for me. That is my balance. That _is_ my Gray. If Kylo is my Darkness and Ben is my Light, then I am both those people. I need to know… _can you live with that?”_

Deciding that she was not ready to face the implications of those words on her own balance just yet, Rey stalled, injecting some humor into her voice. “I _happened_ to you?”

Ben chuckled briefly, taken out of the intense moment as she had hoped. “You _did_ happen to me, Kitten. We didn’t _meet_. We _happened_ to each other. If I had known that you were in my future, I may have done things differently.” He became serious again. “The point is, _I can’t take them back._ And the things I wish I could…they might not be the same things _you’d_ wish I took back.”

Rey could not conceive of anything worse than what she had witnessed on Starkiller Base. The problem was, she didn’t know what she didn’t know. _She might be able to guess what Ben Solo would do for the galaxy, but she still had no idea what Kylo Ren might plan._

Rey’s watched uncertainty play upon his features. She didn’t think she had ever seen Ben look so grave and sad. Not when she had refused to join him in the throne room and not when he had looked up at her from the floor of the Resistance base on Crait to watch her leave him behind.

Love and belief had failed Ben at every turn so he had no faith at this moment that she would stay.

Neither of them had told the other the extent of their feelings, but she knew that Ben’s feelings for her must run deep. Rey hoped with all her heart that was true. No matter how angry he had been with her until just recently, he had brought her here, to his home. He had brought her here to his sanctuary and begun to carve a life for them out of the ashes of their past.    

Rey was afraid and so weary of feeling that emotion. She was afraid of the things that were happening on the restricted floors of the ship and across Ben’s empire that she could not see. She was even more afraid of what she might be willing to tolerate in the face of his Darkness because she loved him. And then.. _and then_ …what would she be willing to tolerate if she gave in to her own? She didn't know.

 _Her own Darkness…_ Rey had only ever used it when she was in battle, but she knew that the Darkness was not simply a tool of battle. There was so much she did not know.

Looking over at the _Journal of the Whills_ again, Rey suddenly felt a blaze of understanding rush through her with tingling clarity as if the Force were coming to her rescue. She could see it. She needed to rethink her definition of what the Gray was. Rey had never wanted to _allow_ Ben his Darkness because she had never addressed the Darkness for herself. She had thought that she should simply bring him back to the Light and all would take care of itself. Rey thought _that_ was what the prophecies meant by balance.

She felt foolish and naïve. It was obvious now that Ben had done more to reconcile the opposing parts of himself than Rey ever had.

She felt ashamed.

Closing her eyes for a moment, needing to be alone with her thoughts, Rey realized that ever since she had been connected to him through their bond, she had somehow considered that it was Ben who would need to change. She had not thought much about the work she had to do or what she would need to accept.

There would be no wading into the shallow end of that pool. Either Rey was willing to embrace both the Darkness and Light within them _both_ and accept that there would be compromises, or she would need to let Ben go. All the rules had changed when he had rescued her from the troopers.

Pain ripped through her at the thought of losing him.

Rey had a million questions for Kylo Ren, but words to verbalize exactly none of them. She could not begin to ask questions about what she could not yet imagine. At some point, she was just going to have to trust the Force and trust him.

She realized now how indulgent it had been to sit with a cup of tea and ponder how to be Gray as if she could just grab a spanner and make a few minor adjustments to the Dark and Light. _It would be another thing altogether to live with the reality of it._

Was Rey brave enough to try?

Rey gathered the Force to herself and sought her answer. She did not have to reach very far.

 _Yes_. There was no other answer for her. A life with Ben was worth the risk of whatever happened next. She would accept his brand of balance, _his Gray_ , and meet it with her own.

Her decision made, she stepped between the heavy, muscled thighs of the complicated man she loved. Rey plunged her hands in Ben’s hair, adoring the way it fell around his handsome face and strong shoulders. “Can I have a fancy gray cloak like your black ones?”

Ben nodded, speechless with relief, his gaze tender and solemn as he ran his hands up the backs of her thighs. Rey gave Ben the wide, dimpled smile she knew drove him crazy. She knew because he had told her. In bed last night.

“Yes. _Anything_. Everything _.”_

“Excellent, I was hoping you would say that, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,” Rey whispered into his ear with wicked intent. “Take me to bed. I think I would like to explore the physical aspects of balance.”

“You will never need to ask twice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Dear Readers! 
> 
> Thank you for being patient. I am working on my own original work and my muse had a lot to say in that story this week. I also ended up doing multiple edits on this. I hope that the wait was worth it! 
> 
> As I have been reading fics with the concept of the Gray between Ben and Rey (including my own), I noticed that most of us have been giving it this treatment where it is literally like white paint and black paint blended together. Like beer with fewer carbs - it has the same ingredients, just not in the same concentrations. I am trying to look at the Gray here as a thing that is less blended. It is where Darkness and Light must continually compromise to maintain balance. Both Ben and Rey have to accept the other as they are and that they are allowed to feel the pull from both. It's not Rey's job to bring Ben to the Light. 
> 
> What does that mean in terms of plot? It means we have some bumpy roads up ahead. The Force likes action and it will test these two.
> 
> Ben's perspective up next! Please, please give me some comments! I crave the interaction with you and need it to keep going! Thank you!


	19. Petty Revenge & Other Agenda Items

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo exacts some petty revenge on one of the nameless generals whose mismanagement contributed to Rey's attack. He also makes clear that he will not tolerate any further disrespect or corrupt leadership in his command.

Ben

 

From his place at the end of the long conference table, Ben waited as some self-important tenth general, twice removed, born to this dysfunctional monument to the vanity of Armitage Hux otherwise known as the First Order command structure, presumed to lecture him on the folly of allowing the Last Jedi into their sanitation levels. The toad had just informed him that Rey was even now receiving a reluctant tour from one of his captains who was “deeply concerned about the potential impact on morale and operations of such an inexpert and unwanted guest.”

The Force signatures of the others in the room bled with varying degrees of discomfort, agreement, concern, and fear. The most veteran among them had been young officers in the days of the Empire and remembered well what had happened when the decisions of the Emperor or Darth Vader had been challenged. They knew Ben to possess the same kind of unpredictable, dark power and clearly expected him to use it. Some of them seemed positively giddy that the awesome might of their Supreme Leader’s legendary temper would be unleashed on this man.

 _Ahh,_ Ben thought _, so there are a few potential allies here. Interesting._

In all honesty, if Ben had a gasket to blow, his was even now under pressure, threatening to redline, and ready to decimate all who happened to be in its blast radius. His fingers itched to call his saber. Ben wished he had _not_ promised Rey that he would _not_ kill anyone over what had happened. It would be easier and, in some ways, more satisfying than what was about to happen, but he would keep his promise to his girl.

Maintaining the façade of calm and striving to look positively _bored_ , he spoke quietly, reminding himself that he planned this meeting carefully. What the hell was this man’s name, anyway? No matter. He had resorted to giving them all nicknames. “Other than refuse and scheduled incineration of metric tons of human waste, _General Unimportance_ , what, exactly, are you _afraid_ my guest will find on those levels?”

A few smothered laughs could be heard from the peanut gallery.

The general colored with embarrassment at Ben’s jab but chuckled with derision. “ _Supreme Leader_ ,” the man droned with Hux-like condescension, desperate to regain footing with his fellow generals, “surely after the events in the food halls you cannot _really_ believe there to be a purpose in allowing your _companion_ to disrupt the routine and digestion of our troops with a visit by their enemy.”

“General,” Ben inquired, ignoring for the moment the way that the general referred to Rey and pretending to change the subject, “can you please remind me of the areas over which you hold authority?”

Feeling through the Force that the man’s ego was wounded that Ben did not already know of his “august” importance to the Order, he watched as the ridiculous man straightened and snapped the heels of his boots together. “I have responsibility for all nutritional, recreational, and sanitation spaces aboard this and every other ship of the fleet, Supreme Leader. It is my honor to ensure that the life’s blood of the First Order is kept healthy in mind, body, and environment so that they may be ready to deploy in any circumstance, at any time, for the greater good of the galaxy, _sir_.”

“I thought so,” Ben remarked quietly before gesturing to the steward at the back of the room. The man had been waiting, at Ben’s command, to bring in the midday meal that the Supreme Leader had ordered. As the other stewards streamed in the room with covered plates for each of the meeting attendees, the general looked on with a smirk, certain that his companions were about to benefit from the labors of the finest chefs in the galaxy as they normally would in the officers’ dining facilities.

Ben moved in for the proverbial kill.

“I am certain, _General_ , that you will not mind sharing with the command staff the menu and finer points of the cuisine in which we are about to indulge?”

The man still didn’t know his danger. “Of course, my lord. Although this meal is a welcome surprise to me, I am familiar enough with what our chefs have been instructed to provide that I am certain I can muddle my way through what they have provided. It would be my pleasure.”

“ _Excellent_.” Ben waved a hand at the other generals. “As a gesture of solidarity with those who serve the aims of our great organization – _err_ , I believed you called them the ‘life’s blood of the First Order’, General, _do I have that correct?_ ” Ben waited until the imbecile nodded, beaming at the attention and praise of his descriptor. “Right. Yes, well I have taken the liberty of ordering the same fare that _our valued troops_ will be served at their midday meal today for all of us to _enjoy_.” Ben gestured again to the stewards as they removed the silver domes from each plate with a flourish, including his own, and stepped back.

The stench of the food was an immediate attack on the olfactory nerves, causing Ben to draw in a breath through his mouth to prevent his gag reflex from taking over. The generals recoiled in disgust, the same unrecognizable food products that had been used as weapons against Rey stared back at each man from the Order’s finest china. As he assumed, most of them had no idea what the troops had been forced to consume, a trip to the food halls not a place that most of them were ever likely to find themselves in the course of their duties. More than one man lifted a linen napkin to his mouth and nose, attempting to deaden the smell of the green and brown slop.

“Please continue, General,” Ben insisted. “I am eager to hear about the _delicacies_ before us.”

The general’s mouth gaped like a Mon Calamari, his long nose pinched in disgust, but he was determined to soldier on as if the mockery he had made of the First Order food stores, and the men and women who were forced to eat this vomit day in and day out, was nothing out of the ordinary.

“Supreme Leader… _generals_ …I assure you that what is before you, though not up to our more civilized standards of dining, is perfectly adequate for the nutritional needs of our troops.”

“ _Adequate!?_ ” one general yelled, pounding his fist on the table and jumping to his feet. “This swill cannot be fit for human consumption much less the most elite fighting force ever conceived! How dare you!” Suddenly remembering his audience, the incensed man abruptly sat down but pushed himself several inches away from the plate in front of him. “My apologies, Supreme Leader,” he nodded toward Ben. “You will forgive my outrage, but I am certain that I speak for most here that we had no idea that our forces were being subjected to…to… _torture by food_ while still being expected to perform optimally. Surely our coffers can afford more than this _putrefaction_ to fortify them?”

Ben nodded his acceptance. “There is no need to apologize, general. I, too, had a similar reaction when I found _my fiancée_ dripping with the stuff and under attack from those same troops.” Signaling the stewards to remove what they had just brought in and replace it with the actual meal to be served.

All, but one.

“General,” Ben intoned, “I’m afraid that I neglected to provide the kitchens with the correct count. I’m afraid that I must insist that you be seated and consume the _perfectly adequate_ meal that you provide our troops. _Now_.”    

The entire room, including the smirking stewards who had undoubtedly been fed the same fetid paste for time immemorial while being forced to lavish this same room full of overstuffed jackasses the finest meals the galaxy had to offer, watched as the general seated himself, reluctantly picked up a silver utensil, and tucked in to his “meal.” He could be heard choking every few bites, his swallows audible, determined to prove that the filth he served the troops was edible.

It was juvenile, but Ben wished that Rey were here to witness this. If it had not been necessary to maintain the façade of control needed to retain power in the early stages of his rule, Ben probably would have dissolved into laughter and taken odds on whether the general would lose his lunch. He would have sent for a second helping. And a third.

Ben would save this vision for Rey for later when they were alone and could laugh about it together. He still had business with these men.

“Now that we have dispensed with that farce, gentlemen, I would like to make a few matters clear to all of you. Rey of Jakku, the woman brought aboard this ship after the conclusion of negotiations with the Resistance, came here of her own free will and in the spirit of peace. You have heard me state that she is my fiancée. My _cherished_ fiancée. From the moment she arrived, she has borne all manner of insults to her person and reputation. Despite those insults, she has remained determined to improve the lots of those around her. She went to assess the medical and nutritional standards on this ship with my full knowledge and approval. I have asked her to provide me with the unvarnished truth of anything she finds.

‘It is only at _her_ behest that those responsible for the attack in the food halls have remained with their units.” Ben rose from his seat, slamming his palms on the table, eyeing each member of the high command, in turn, allowing them, at last, to see his rage at what had happened. “It is only at her insistence, _her goodness and charity_ , that they have been allowed to continue breathing. Believe me…in future _none among you or those you command_ may rely upon the Light of the Last Jedi to save you should any further harm or insult, real or imagined, come to my bride. Have I made my wishes perfectly clear?”

Ben paused, allowing his words to sink in deep before he turned his attention back to the man who was still madly shoveling that green rotting mush into his mouth. “Once my fiancée returned to our suite covered in this gelatinous goop, general, I did a little digging with the First Order food supply vendor data and payment transactions.” General Unimportance swallowed hard, finally understanding his own peril.

“It was _illuminating_ , to say the least, to find that portions of our considerable budget had somehow been diverted to private accounts on Canto Bight. I have, of course, reclaimed the funds in the name of the First Order. Rey of Jakku will, as part of regular duties, provide oversight of the budget for nutrition and recreation from now on.” At that, the general did choke and struggle to prevent himself from vomiting. Ben’s darkness relished the discomfort. “Once the meeting has concluded, I have instructed my personal guards to remand you _, General Unimportance,_ to a cell in the nearest prison block where you will await courts-martial for theft and treason.”

Ben was nearly finished. “Generals,” Ben informed them, “I must adjourn to the sanitation levels. I have promised to complete the tour with my fiancée. I trust that you will all remain here, enjoying your actual meals and concluding the day’s business. BB-9E will remain among you should you need any assistance and to record your meetings for me. Finally, the droid will also share your assigned appointments on tomorrow’s schedule when I will meet with each of you privately to discuss your future with my command. My expectation is that each of you will present your budgets, account for expenditures, and discuss plans for the coming year.”

Some of the men around the table nodded to him, accepting assignments from their leader. Others telegraphed resigned hostility, and still, others were swallowed by fear.

Tomorrow was going to be a momentous day, indeed, he thought as he swept from the room and toward the lifts, Titan at his heels.

Ben was already looking forward to cleaning house and moving forward with his lovely Rey. He was beginning to believe that the happiness that had always eluded him was finally his to grasp.

_Force, make it so._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our Supreme Leader has come such a long way thanks to our sweet girl! Rey wouldn't let Ben kill those who attacked her, but he worked some Dark-side revenge into his plans anyway. He wouldn't be himself without giving in to the demands of both sides of his persona without that. It's part of the reason we love him, right?  
> Questions: What do you think about naming all the generals nicknames like General Unimportance? We could have a whole series of names like that. I find it so hard to name all the ranking officials and there always seem to be far too many chiefs for the tribes. It's kind of fun to call them things like General Outrage. General Incompetence. Besides, this Ben seems to enjoy his nicknames. What fun ones can you come up with? Maybe I'll include them.  
> And the big question...it seems like it would be harmless enough, but you know me better than that. What in the galaxy will Rey find in the proverbial basement of the Finalizer? Hint: it won't be good.  
> Finally, thanks so much for being patient! Lots going on. I hope this chapter was worthy and that you will leave me some comments. I always, always love comments! Thank you! XO


	20. Backsliding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a tour of the third and final area of the ship she is authorized to roam and finds something there that shakes her faith in Ben.

Rey

Rey had now satisfied any lingering curiosity she may have harbored about Finn’s motivations for escaping the First Order.

Ostensibly, it may have been to avoid shooting innocent villagers on any given planet at the behest of Hux, but Rey knew it was also to escape the dungeon of boredom that was the sanitation operations of a First Order Star Destroyer.

It made swinging on a rope through the rusted relics on Jakku seem like a first-class holiday on a tropical beach planet.

Rey was politely suffering through a scenic tour of the third and final sanitation level deep in the bowels of the ship by a man that Ben had sworn to her over breakfast was named General Windbag. Whatever his name truly was, the man kept droning on about the importance of scheduled incinerations in maintaining a sterile environment and the untapped potential of increasing fresh vegetable stores by growing them in irradiated human excrement.

With self-restraint that she had known herself capable of until that moment, Rey did not roll her eyes. If General Windbag would only visit the food halls, he would know that they already had _shitty green vegetables._ It was what’s for lunch. She gave him a non-committal “hmph” that she hoped sounded like genuine interest and circumspection while he preened, waiting for her reaction to his genius.

Thankfully, Ben rescued her from having to engage on that topic.

“Ah, Supreme Leader,” the general trilled sweeping his hands to gesture around the hallway, “welcome to my operation.”

“Err…yes, thank you, General,” Ben acknowledged him. “My apologies for missing the start of the tour. I was unavoidably detained in meetings.”

“Of course, my lord. That is to be expected.”

The general clasped his hands behind his back and rocked back and forth on his heels. It seemed to be an unfortunate habit of nearly everyone with a ranking uniform on this ship, Rey thought. Everyone was a freaking master of the universe.

“May I say, Supreme Leader, how _intelligent_ and _refined_ your fiancée is? I must admit that I had not considered that someone who had grown up as…uh… _disadvantaged_ …as she was could be so articulate and understanding of the challenges of running a fleet. She may not have had the benefit of formal education but acquits herself quite well. I am certain that she will make a very fine First Lady to the Order.”

Sometimes Rey really, really missed her saber.

Rey could feel Ben stiffen next to her. Through their bond, she could feel his fury at the presumption of the general. She stretched her fingers to grasp Ben’s pinky, careful to hide their connection behind his robes.

_Try not to kill him, Ben. It might be messy, and he is very concerned about sterility on the garbage levels._

Before Ben could respond to her or the general, Rey noticed some movement down the long hall to her left. Expecting to find one of the countless, faceless drones of the Order performing some trash-bearing duty, Rey was astonished to see two tiny, dirty little girls peeking at her from behind a bulkhead before quickly disappearing into a wall panel like the ones she had hidden inside on Starkiller base.

Before she could investigate, a third little girl, even smaller and unkempt than the first two, darted past them with a look of abject terror on her face before disappearing the same way as her companions.

 _“What in the hells was that, General?”_ Ben demanded, his voice shards of ice.

Rey nearly doubled over, her hands falling to her thighs as she tried to remain upright. Rey clapped a hand over her mouth, trying to prevent herself from becoming ill.  

 _There were children enslaved on board this ship._ Young girls just as she had been. Dirty, starving, and terrified.

She looked at Ben in horror. Had he known? How could he not know? Not _ask?_ Had Finn known?

Rey shook her head in unconscious denial. Fat tears trailed down her cheeks and she moaned in horror. Of all the things that she had been forced to face since joining the Resistance and leaving it to live with Ben in enemy territory, this was almost more than she could take.

The First Order kept small children as slaves. _Ben kept slaves._ Rey felt so stupid. So naïve. She couldn’t look at him. She could not be near him. She stumbled down the hall in the direction the girls had gone.

“My apologies to you both,” the general gushed. “I will most certainly discipline those who lead the unit that employs the younglings, my lord. They were given strict instructions to keep them away during your tour today. I assure you, however, there are only a few of them and there is no danger of catching anything contagious or-“

The man’s words trailed off in an unhealthy gurgle as Ben Force-choked him, lifting him off his feet. But Rey could not stop. She needed to find those girls. She _needed_ to help them as she had not been helped. Rey needed to give them hope. She wanted to feed them nourishing food and teach them to play.

Running a hand over the panel where they had disappeared, Rey found the release mechanism hidden at its edge and stepped back as it slid forward. Gathering her skirts so that they did not get stuck or start on fire within the dangerous confines of the charged electrical panel, she stepped into the darkened void. Rey could hear Ben call to her, but she could not face him. Rey could not guarantee that she would be able to stop herself from impaling him on his own saber. The panel retreated back into the corridor wall.

Rey knew that Snoke and Hux had been capable of anything, but they had not been in charge for some time now. _How could Ben allow this to happen?_ She felt raw and broken and _abandoned_ all over again.

_None of it had been real._

Carefully, so that she did not cut herself on the sharp metal components, Rey moved toward the rear of the slide. She suppressed a shudder as a cool blast of air hit her skin, evidence of a cooling system that prevented the transformers from overheating. Every few feet an auxiliary power reset light would provide dim illumination until Rey reached the rear of the tiny space.

Turning to her right, she felt her way along a blank wall until she came to another void that made a sharp left. Sticking one foot out to make sure that the space did not fall deeper into the hull of the ship, Rey moved carefully along the passage until she found herself in a small, dim control room.

As she climbed over a small control panel, she found herself face to face with three little girls. The oldest, a girl of about seven, wrapped her arms around the younger two, backing them up against the opposite wall, all of them tripping over dirty pallets left on the floor. This is where they slept. This was _their_ AT-AT.

Slowly, Rey crouched down, bracing one knee on the floor. “It’s alright,” she assured them. “You are safe. You are not in trouble. _I promise._ I’m Rey.”

The smallest girl, who could not have been more than four years old if she were a day, gave her a shy smile. “Are you a princess?” she asked in Basic.

The little girl’s protector gave her a slight shove, bidding her to be silent.

Rey smiled back at them, noting that the middle girl had tears running down her cheeks, All three girls were brunettes, like Rey, their hair pulled back and tied in sever styles as hers had always been.

“No, darling,” Rey responded kindly, “I am not a princess. Who I _am_ is someone who is here to help you. If you will let me.”

The middle girl suddenly decided to speak up. “Are you our mama?”

Rey struggled to hold back another sob. She was going to murder someone. “No, but I would like to help take care of you if you will come with me.”

The oldest girl narrowed her eyes at Rey, obviously skeptical of anything or anyone who promised a way out of their current predicament. “How do we know you aren’t going to hurt us?”

Rey decided that she had better sit on the floor and explain herself. She gestured to the hem of her dress, another magnificent creation courtesy of Trella. “I don’t suppose you could know that for certain until I prove it to you.” Rey edged herself closer. “In the meantime, how many fancy ladies do you know that can get around inside the electrical panels of a Star Destroyer?”

The older two girls turned to glance at one another. “No one.”

“Too right,” Rey agreed. “Now how do we get out of this room?”

The youngest girl decided that she wanted to get closer to Rey. Planting herself on Rey’s lap, she reached up to carefully touch Rey’s hair and cheek. Rey could not stop herself from carefully embracing the hungry little body.

“Pretty,” the little girl said with a smile.

“Yes she is,” came the deep voice of the Supreme Leader from behind the control panel. " _Very_.”

Rey and all three small girls burst into tears.

_Rey was done._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, my friends! Never fear - I don't plan to abandon any of my fics. I am here for it and I hope you are, too. Thanks for being patient.
> 
> Ugh. Rey finds the one thing in the bowels of Ben's ship guaranteed to make her want to call a halt to their relationship. What did we think of this chapter? My thanks to my friend L who helped with the name of this general - General Windbag. I'm having fun with the names so I think I am going to stick with that. 
> 
> What do you think happens next? Please leave me some comments!


	21. Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding three tiny girls huddling in the service spaces on the Sanitation levels of his ship, Ben comes face-to-face with his own shortcomings and his feelings for Rey. And Rey? She finally calls in her favor. 
> 
> Thank you SO much for being patient for this update, dear readers! This is a long chapter. I hope that makes up for the wait! Just a few more chapters to go before an epilogue or two!

Ben

Leaders did not prey upon the vulnerabilities of children for the sake of convenience. They did not get caught up in the minutiae of the day, lamenting their boredom. They did not fail to learn the proper names of those who worked for them, and they did not fail to assess the state of the entire operation.  

Ben’s rule was a sham at its foundations. He could feel his stomach sour as he thought of the dirty pallet on the floor of that service closet where three sisters had huddled together at night and struggled to survive the demands of cruel masters. He breathed through his mouth to fight off the urge to vomit.

When Ben had stepped into the tiny, squalid room where the girls had set up their home, they burst into tears, terrified of the man in black with the laser sword stepping from the shadows like a boogeyman from their nightmares. Ben had felt sick. He felt ashamed.

Rey was furious with him, he knew, and he fully expected that she would tear into him when they had a private moment. He had seen the look on her face when the girls had darted across the hall to hide in the walls of the ship.    

Ben paced around the master bedroom that he prayed he would still share with Rey when the day cycle was over and three little girls were tucked into a real bed, guarded by the most powerful Force users in the galaxy, a contingent of Deathtroopers, and two ball droids.

He had failed Rey at a level so elemental to who she was that he could count the atoms of that failure, watch protons and electrons orbit around his transgressions, assign them an atomic number, and watch them chain together as loss and regret.

Panic welled up in his chest, choking his breath. _Rey would leave him like everyone else._

In his arrogance, he had demanded that she accept his Darkness with his Light, but how could Ben expect her to accept that he had been allowing little girls to be endangered in the bowels of his ship simply to keep the lights on?

Even Rey, his angel of the Force, could not be _that_ forgiving.

Tipping his head back, Ben swallowed hard, fighting to slow his breathing. Meditation had never been about quieting his mind as it might for a Jedi. It had been about protecting the last shreds of himself. He had built a safe place in his mind many years ago with impenetrable blocks forged in the fires of his pain. It was both cathedral and stronghold.  Its arches soared high above, closing out the ceiling of the galaxy. Closing out deprivation and abuse. Closing out the Light.

Until Rey. She had blown holes in the walls. Obliterated the roof. It was a ruin where perpetual twilight spilled in through its holes and allowed him to see more clearly. It had become a place where he could see the stars again and trust that pain was not around every corner.

He knelt in that last, private frontier where he was truly himself. It was the place where Ben Solo still lived and kept the parts of himself that existed before the abandonment of his parents, the betrayal of Luke Skywalker, and the abuse of Snoke. He held up those last parts of himself as an offering to the Force. He begged for time to explain. To change. To make things right.

He begged for Rey. _Please._

Ben had never told Rey that _he loved her._ He had never even _asked_ her to marry him. He had simply assumed. Ordered. And she had born it, never complaining, still striving to make things better around her. For others. For him.   

He listened to the unexpected music of little girls splashing around in his refresher’s massive tub, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth despite the agony ripping through his brain. These were the precious minutes before Rey came to him to tell him that she would leave him forever and he seized them with miserly zeal.

If he tried, Ben could pretend that those sounds belonged to _their_ children. Children whose sweet faces had been shown to him in countless Force visions. Children who looked like a mix of his strong features and Rey’s delicate beauty. Children he would lose because of his arrogance and carelessness.  

After feeding their eager, underfed bodies, somehow Rey had gotten the girls to agree to a bath. They had been terrified of the water at first, but Rey, with the same magic that had captivated and controlled him from their earliest encounters, had convinced them that it would be a grand adventure. She would be an amazing mother someday. Tears spilled from behind his lids as Ben struggled to accept that she would likely have those children with a man better than he was. A man like Poe Dameron.

Ben wretched.

BB-9E rolled in and out of the room, ignoring his position on the floor, providing updates to Ben about the preparations for the girls that were taking place in one of his large guest rooms. Three small beds with new linens had been transferred to that space. Otherwise, the room was largely empty, just awaiting the things that he had ordered to be brought from nearby Coruscant.

One judgmental red eye had sized him up at the arrival of the girls, the droid beeping her displeasure at learning that there were enslaved children on the ship. He could hardly object to the harsh things 9-E had said about the poor leadership that allowed starving children to maintain the power grid of the ship.

She might be a droid, but 9-E’s morality circuits worked as well as any scolding mama. His own mother would have been proud of the accusations leveled at Ben by his faithful machine. They were all true.

9-E need not have bothered, though. Rey’s face had been all the rebuke he needed.

Before they left the area, Ben had demanded an immediate accounting of every child on every ship and base in the galaxy be provided immediately. He had ordered that all children be transferred to luxury crew accommodations, be examined by medical droids, and fed officer rations until the situation could be more closely examined the next day cycle. All operations managed by contractors that involved children or enslaved peoples would cease immediately and humane aid provided. Even with those orders, Rey had not been able to look him in the eye. She had stood as silent as the grave, her arms wound around the small shoulders of the older girls, tears coursing down her cheeks.

After Snoke had died and Ben had assumed power, he had wasted no time in making changes in what he considered to be the “important” areas. Military preparedness. Ships. Diplomatic relations with planets whose raw materials had not yet been exploited for the good of the Order. He had virtually ignored anything he thought to be beneath his notice.

Had it not been for Rey’s need to be part of the operations of the ship, he might never have known that he was responsible for the kind of suffering he had seen in the faces of these little girls. Their cheeks were hollow, the skin under their large, dark eyes was thin and yellowed with anxiety and inadequate rest. The oldest girl showed the most evidence of want, having assumed the responsibility as a caregiver for her younger sisters.

The smallest girl had no fear, holding up her hands for him to carry her when she had been assured by Rey that Ben meant her no harm. Once she calmed, she had studied him intently as the lift rose toward his quarters, running her fingers over the edges of his tunic, pressing at the hooks on the front, playing with the squares of fabric. That was until she had discovered his hair and pulled its length forward, giggling while she did it. He allowed her to do whatever she wanted, wordless in his grief and blame, allowing her to pull it over his eyes and shape it with her tiny hands.

Her delight had stabbed at him. Her smile reminded him of Rey.

Ben had sent Titan and a go-team on an urgent mission to the nearest planet to locate fresh clothes and toys for the girls. Titan had raised one brow and bowed. It was not every day that trained killers made planetfall to buy dolls, toys, and clothes. It did not matter what kind of comic spectacle would take place when Deathtroopers showed up in the marketplace. Both men knew that anything Rey and those little girls wanted would be done.

Their names, 9-E had learned, were Neela, Endara (known as Dara), and Mynna Gar. BB-8 had taken a hair sample from each girl to determine where they came from and if their parents might still be alive. Rey had refused to allow anyone to question the girls about what they remembered about their lives before they were taken by the Order until they had time to eat and rest. As always, her instincts were right. The girls had suffered enough trauma. It was enough for now that they were safe and that other children like them were safe.

Ben recalled the cruel way he had forced Rey to face the truth about her parents. _How had she ever forgiven him?_

Someone near the portal to the master bedroom coughed, seeking his attention. Ben opened his eyes and stood quickly, facing Titan and War who were standing in the hall just beyond the portal.

“Enter,” Ben commanded.

“Sir,” Titan said, “our mission was successful. We obtained several outfits of clothing, sleepwear, boots, toiletries, dolls, and toys as requested. Those items await the girls in the guest room. We were able to negotiate additional supplies that will be delivered to the ship tomorrow.”

Ben nodded. “Thank you, Titan. I know that my request was…an unusual one.”

Each man nodded, but it was War who spoke up next. “Permission to speak freely, Supreme Leader?”

Before Ben could answer, a small, musical giggle drifted from the fresher like soap bubbles. Ben watched as a smile cracked the harsh features of the warriors before him before they schooled their features once again.

He considered the request. It had not been Ben’s habit to allow the opinions of those who reported to him to be voiced. Perhaps it was time that his ideas of leadership changed. “Yes, Captain.”

“Sir, I hope you will not mind my statement to you that Miss Rey has been a breath of fresh air to the ship and to your rule. Already the opinions of the rank and file have shifted in her favor. _And yours._ The troopers were served better meals today than they have ever received. The injured who were released from medbay were anxious to share with their comrades that the Supreme Leader and his lady had spent hours inquiring about their health and listening to their concerns. Those who were taken for service as children stopped us in the hangar to beg us to thank you for putting a stop to the youth programs. One man wept. Even those who were punished for the attack on Miss Rey in the food halls have expressed their gratitude for the mercy they have been shown.”

Ben’s brows rose at the description of shifting opinions below decks. In less than a week Rey had changed everything. He smiled to himself at the words, but his heart ached at the knowledge that Rey herself would soon be a memory to the First Order. He vowed to continue her policies and learn from the example of her natural leadership.

Rey and the girls took that moment to step out of the fresher. Each girl was wrapped in one of Ben’s fluffy towels, covered from head to toe, their faces pink from heat and scrubbing. They were smiling and content. Already Rey’s attentions were healing them. It was humbling.

Titan and War bowed to Ben, Rey and the girls before excusing themselves.

Rey looked in his general direction but still avoided his eyes. “I am going to get the girls settled so we can talk.”

Ben nodded, his heartbreaking away from its mooring in his chest before sinking into his stomach. He steeled himself to for what Rey would tell him. He would not allow her to go without telling her everything he had been holding back. “All right,” he acknowledged quietly.

Rey’s hand drifted up to guide the girls into the hall toward the guest room, but Mynna marched over to him, the corners of the bath towel tucked under her arms, and said, “Up!”

Ben could not help the chuckle that escaped his lips. Kylo Ren, terrifying scourge of the galaxy, grandson of Darth Vader, and the former apprentice of Snoke had been reduced by one small girl to a mode of transportation. He complied with her request and followed Rey and the other girls to their room.

“Papas tell bedtime stories,” Mynna informed him, an obvious expert on the subject. Ben’s heart bled in his chest.

“Is that so?” he responded quietly, wondering if Rey had heard the girl’s edict.

“Mmhmm,” she nodded, grabbing his face with both small hands so that he was forced to look in her eyes as he walked. “Lee-lee said so.”

Ben grinned at her, nodding right back. “Well, if she said so, then it must be true. I am going to set you down now, Mynna, and I will wait here in the hall. Once you have all gotten ready for bed, come and get me and I will tell you all a story.”

Mynna grinned at him, nodding, and then slipped like a worm from his grasp so that she could dash into the bedroom. Ben had absolutely no idea what story he would tell them.

Not ten standard minutes later, Ben found himself seated at the foot of Mynna’s bed, all three girls clutching dolls and watching him closely as they waited for his story. Ben stole a glance at Rey from her position on the end of the next bed.

Ben told them the only story that mattered.

“Once upon a time, a young scavenger girl who was enslaved on a desert planet all alone. She was made to crawl in dark, tight spaces to bring back pieces of old ships to sell at the market just so she could eat. That little girl, like you, never had enough food or any grown-ups around to care for her…”

Ben could hear Rey draw in a harsh breath. He turned to watch her again, noting the tears that rose in her hazel eyes as she finally met his gaze for the first time since the events on the sanitation levels.

Ben continued to tell the story of how that brave little girl had been drawn into adventures all over the galaxy, fighting with the Resistance, until she had been “taken by an angry, lonely space prince.”

Mynna and Dara listened, enraptured, their mouths and eyes wide open as Ben described all their encounters. Neela frowned at Ben when he spoke of how the girl had gone to save the space prince but instead had been taken by him to the cruel emperor of the galaxy who tried to hurt and control her for his own gain.

“But why?” Neela asked. “Why did the space prince do that? Did he help her later?”

Ben turned to Rey, pleading with his eyes, begging her to understand that what he was telling her was not just a bedtime story. It was their story and as far as he was concerned, it didn’t have an ending.

Rey picked up the thread and continued for him. “Yes. He did help the girl, although he never told her exactly why he ended up helping her. They defeated the cruel emperor together.”

Ben interrupted, still watching Rey. “It was because he loved her. He was… _is_ …in love with her, Rey. He would do anything for her. He just needed time to realize how much she meant to him so that he could change.”

Dara and Mynna let out a sigh at what they regarded as the happy ending to a fairytale. Neela looked from Ben to Rey, understanding the subtext, but offering no comment.

Rey looked down at her lap, wiping away stray tears, before pasting on a bright smile for the girls. “That was an exciting story, wasn’t it? I’m sure we can hear more about the adventures of the scavenger girl another night, hmm?”

The girls agreed before snuggling down into their beds, comfortable and safe. BB-8 and BB-9E rolled up, ready to take their positions in the room should the girls need anything during the night. Mynna leaned down to hug the orange and white droid who beeped in contentment at having the affection of a child.

Rey stooped to hug each girl and wish them sweet dreams before drifting toward the portal. Ben moved to follow her, but Mynna stopped him. “Kiss!” she exclaimed. “Papas give kisses!”

Ben could feel his cheeks color at Mynna’s insistence that he was somehow a father figure. He refused to disappoint her, though. Moving from small bed to small bed, he pressed a gentle kiss to each little brow, tucked in the covers as his mother had done, and wished them pleasant dreams.

Just before Ben and Rey dimmed the lights and left the room, Rey reached down to lace his fingers with hers. Ben’s eyes welled with relief.

Just before the portal slid closed on the girls and droids, Neela called out in a singsong voice, “Goodnight, Dark Space Prince!” A chorus of giggles and amused beeps followed.

Looking up at him from the darkened hall, Rey grasped both his hands in hers and studied him carefully. Ben thought he might know what she was thinking. He sensed through the Force that she was ready to ask him for her favor.

“Rey,” he began, his throat constricted with fear that she might still leave him, hoping to persuade her that she should stay, “I know you must be ready to call in that favor I promised you, but I promise there is no need.” Ben stared deeply in her eyes. “If.. _um_ …if we cannot find their parents…they will stay with _us_.” Ben gulped. “They…they’ll be _ours_ , Rey. Yours and mine. If… _if you’ll stay_.” Ben’s voice turned into a hoarse whisper. “ _Please say you’ll stay, Kitten.”_

His girl was silent for a moment. “Thank you, Ben. That’s wonderful news,” Rey told him with a shy smile, turning toward their bedroom and leading him through that door, “but when I saw you with Mynna, I knew that you would never allow the girls to suffer the way that you and I suffered growing up. I knew you would never allow them to believe that they were unwanted. I think you and I would make wonderful parents, but that’s not the favor I want.”

The breath Ben had been holding since that afternoon left his chest in a rush. He felt like he was going everywhere and nowhere at once. Rey wasn’t leaving him. She thought they could raise the girls together. She could have whatever she wanted.

Rey also wasn’t done yet.

“Ben, I know that you had no idea that there were children enslaved by the First Order on this ship. I know enough of the man you are – _the man you are trying to be_ – to know that you would have stopped it had you been aware. I am so proud of the orders you issued the moment you knew. Please understand that when I first saw them, I was so shocked that I wasn’t thinking clearly. I did blame you and...I...blamed Finn, too. I hope he didn't know. Later, when I realized that you didn’t know, I was ashamed of jumping to conclusions. I didn't know how to show you that I was wrong.” Ben nodded his understanding. There was nothing to forgive.

Rey continued. “You see when I was able to catch my breath and get the girls into the lift with us and away from that terrible scene, I had a moment to scan your feelings and I knew that you were as devastated as I was.”

Ben pressed his forehead to hers, grateful for her words and her faith in him. “ _I was horrified, Rey._ I would never allow another child to suffer the same torments that you had suffered. I love you too much, Kitten. I was so scared you meant to leave me. What kind of terrible leader does not know that there are enslaved children working for him? What kind of man? I know that I’m not perfect, Rey, but I love you so much. I’m sorry that I haven’t thought to tell you until now.”

Rey’s eyes shone with emotion and happiness as she stared up into his. “I love you, too, Ben,” she returned. Ben’s heart felt like it would beat out of his chest.

“I know you are trying to change,” she agreed, raising her palms to cup his cheeks, “but I need you to make it your focus. Your purpose. I need you to give each person who serves you the dignity of their names. I need you to care about what happens to the people of the First Order and the rest of our galaxy the way _I know you can_.”

Ben nodded, pulling her into his embrace as the master bedroom portal slid closed behind them. “I will, Kitten. I had already been thinking about that very thing before you finished bathing the girls. I promise. Is that the favor you wanted? It hardly seems a favor at all.”  

It was Rey’s turn to gulp. Ben could see how nervous she was. He tightened his arms around her waist, drawing her closer, rocking her from side to side. “What is it, Rey?”

After everything that she had done for him and for the First Order in such a short time, Ben could not imagine what she could ask from him that might cause her so much anxiety. He could feel it bleeding through their bond.  

“ _Anything, Kitten._ I will do anything for you. I hope you know that. It's all right.  _Tell me_.”

Rey pressed a kiss to his mouth and then drew back to let out a small, unsteady sigh.

“I need you to let go of your past and at least a modicum of that famous Solo pride.”

Suddenly Ben knew what Rey would ask of him and it frightened him as nothing else could. Because if he couldn’t do what she asked...

Rey’s next words were durasteel wrapped in velvet. He could feel them reverberate through their bond, spilling through the holes of that mental stronghold where he guarded the fragments of himself too sensitive for the full light of day.

_"Ben, I need you to forgive your mother.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think of Ben Solo's Reckoning? Has he learned enough about leadership, forgiveness, and humility from Rey to do what she has asked of him?
> 
> Also...what do we think of the girls? Do they become Solos or are their parents out there somewhere hoping to be a family again?
> 
> Please leave me some comments. I must admit to needing some happy right now! Thanks for reading! XOXO

**Author's Note:**

> Ben Solo has a thing or two up the sleeves of his black robes. He will have what the Force
> 
> Welcome back to those of you who journeyed with me through Sunlight & This! This Ben Solo is a bit of a different man. He is a bit less in touch with his feelings when we rejoin him, but no less determined to fulfill his true purpose. There is definitely some room for growth and I know JUST the person to help him with that! I hope you enjoy the story!
> 
> For those of you who are new to my work, thank you for taking the chance! I hope you'll come along for the whole ride and comment along the way. I answer everyone. This is my second fanfiction. I will try to stay on a weekly schedule! 
> 
> Cheers!


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